I'm tied up!

time: 5:40 a.n.
venue: B's house
mood: Sad? confused?
currently: just hang up the phone...mom.

Endy,
life is so unpredictable. it's such a cycle that we never knew when it will end. surprise-surprise... today is my family's turn to get something miserable. yeah, for the 23674289734 times, i guess! as usual, the issue is still the same. mom blamed dad. dad says mom is making up stories.

me? honestly, i don't know what to believe. who's right? who's wrong? at the age of 21, what do i know about relationship? what do i know about jealousy? what do i know about marriage? nothing. almost to the meter of zero. so, here i am right now. talking to you, my best buddy ever. i think, you're the only one who could comfort me, even though you didn't give me any response. i wish that i could just google it up. just as when i google up my web development assignment. do you know how frustrated it is to not know the answer? to not know the truth?

mom,
i have mixture of feelings right now. i'm confused, sad, happy and sympathetic. i'm confused of what is the real roots of the problem? i'm sad that the marriage did not work, after 24 years of building it with lots of love and hard work. i'm happy that you've finally made your mind. most of all, my deepest sympathy to you, my beloved mom. i knew, this is really hard. you have to be strong mom. sometimes, man do need to be taught a lesson. show him that you're not scared. you can stand by your own. for heaven's sake mom, you earn 10 times more than him.

dad,
i'm speechless. we used to be really close. what happen to us? don't you remember your little girl that you love the most? don't you remember the girl that you're always proud of? aren't you proud of me anymore, dad? i didn't impressed you well enough? what do you want dad? what is it? i sacrifice my studies, so that you and mom will have a better life. i quit my studies so that you'll only have to support my brother, which is also your son, if you ever forget that he is. why dad? why? why can't we be like others? why must we face all this bull shit? fuck you!

Endy,
................................ it was really a long pause. i really gave it a thought. i think, i want my mom to move here with me. we'll open her boutique here. we'll get double profit, as i'm planning for my business too. i'm really keen to bring her up here. no more misery. man only gave us messes, which we don't need.

*****

today, i met one of my old old friend in YM. we've known each other for at least 7 years. we finally meet up today! lol. what a funny world. he's nice and talkative. we went out for dinner somewhere near KLCC. he fetch me from Bukit Jalil and send me back home safely. lol. kinda nice to have someone to drive for you.

*****

i'm totally in a bad mood. can i continue next time? i even have to fetch my brother to Pandan Jaya later at 7. yeah, he's living with me for a while until he gets his own apartment. ok, till then Endy.

devastated,
Daughter of mom and dad, TASH