Friday, April 17, 2009

Thanks to Hayden Panettiere...

time: 7:51 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: loved!
currently: browsing Hayden's style and fashion!

Endy,
Thank to Hayden Panettiere i'm currently addicted to this Dooney Bourke brown bag! (refer picture!)

Extra Large Domed Carry on

it's neat and pretty!! the best thing is i can dump all of my stuff inside! no hassle in putting anything in my pocket! shit... i have to get this! it's just US$345.00 and and and... this bag came in this color:


Black

Bubble Gum

Coffee

Cherry

French Blue

Grass

Ivory

Light Pink

Melon

Sea Foam

Tangerine

Yellow

Hayden, Hayden... i love you so much... you're so pretty!!! believe me Endy, she look gorgeous in anything! e.g.


love that blouse!

that's her fav. bag!


pretty, pretty, pretty!


adorable, sweet and sophisticated


cool hoodies... errr she does her own groceries shopping?


Dooney & Bourke bag picture courtesy of Dooney Website
Hayden's picture courtesy of HaydenStyle

i envy her,
tash



Thursday, April 16, 2009

10 days before boarding...

time:12:20 p.m.
venue: a place i called home.
mood: sad
currently: counting days!

Endy,
he's leaving me on 26th this month. he advice me to go back to Penang. he said it's better to be with my family rather than being alone here in KL. yes, this is the only reason why i'm still here in KL. if it's not because of him, i'm already back in Penang. but now, KL is where i call home. i'm starting a new life here. but life is just treating me badly. it's really hard to get a job with proper pay during this stupid crisis. so, he told me to go back while he was away and stay there for 2 months until he comes back.

i dont know why i'm so worried about this vacation. as if i'm not gonna see him anymore. it's not that i dont trust him. it's just that i'm worried that everything will happen once again. i'm having a very bad phobia with airport. the place i hate the most in my entire life! airport always crush my heart. if possible, i will avoid going to airport. i really hate that place. KLIA! shitty place! i hate you KLIA! you sucks!

today is already 16th. means in 10 days we will be separated. first time in this 1 year of relationship. i dont know bout others, but for me, distance is love greatest enemy. i've been through long distance relationship. i knew it. such pain and sorrow. it's not delightful at all! relationship is about two person in love being together, not separated. yes, people will be telling me that our heart stays together, bla bla bla. my ass! easy for you to say! why dont you try it yourself. thousand miles away from the person you long the most. the only person you dare to share stuff that you dont even share with your own mother. it's really tough.

well... we have a lot of shopping to do before going back to Penang. oh ya, we're driving back to Penang. oppss... correction, I'M driving back to Penang, he's just sitting beside me sleeping! lol... he have to buy lots of stuff for his family. shoes, bag, make up, perfume, handphone, what else? i've forgotten. lol... let's just put here... STUFF! haha... i hope we could enjoy this whole week before we leave KL. we dont even celebrate our one year anniversary yesterday because he's too busy studying for exam. in fact, now he's in exam hall doing his paper. i hope he did his best. i want him to get at least 3A for this semester.

so, what do i wanna do this week? first of all, i have to go to Lambada company to claim my free Bluetooth headset. then i wanna go to my fav restaurant, Tarbush. i wanna eat the garlic sauce! i like it better than Hummus! lol... i think i should go to KLCC one. so that i can go shopping after that. lol...

oppss... i have something important to talk to my friend... he just came online... talk to you later kay! bye!

feeling bad,
tash

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

HAPPY 1st YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

time: 4:26 a.m.
venue: home
mood: started to feel cheerful!
currently: happy since he wish me at 1.12 a.m. just now!

oh ya... after typing the 'Student' post, i realized that today is 15th April 2009. did you guys notice my countdown cartoon at the end of the page??? today is my anniversary. it's been a year. a wonderful laugh and tears year.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!


With this i attached our latest photo together. taken few weeks back. yeah, we're not good in pictures. lol... due to lack of camwhoring together, the picture is a bit slacking. lol...anyways,

THANKS FOR BEING A GREAT GUY!

Yours faithfully,
Tash!

Student

time:3:32 a.m.
venue: home
mood: sad? ahh... that's just typical!
currently: reading my friends' blog!

Endy,
do you know how much i miss being a student? i wish i'm carrying a book to class, carry my heavy laptop to college at night just to do assignment, stay up late to help my friend doing his work, chill in Orange for my fav ice lemon tea and just hanging out with my friend at the site gate.

i miss the pressure of studying. i miss the feeling of being panic when you dont know how to make a robot move in your 3D class. i miss drawing your storyboard just 5 minutes before the lecturer came in. i miss doing tutorial with friends. i miss arguing with lecturer knowing that i've got a better solution. i miss the feeling of being smarter than the lecturer (technically, YES i am). i miss planning pranks on lecturer. i miss all my 14 classmates. i miss the moment when i SMS everyone to runaway from LFC class. i miss calling all the guys "heyyy bugger". i miss them a lot. i miss studying with Tasha, which encourage me to work harder. i miss my database class. i miss my linux class, which i sleep and got A all the time. no idea how i do it. but thanks to Suba for the coding i photocopy from her SUPER-NEAT notes.

I MISS EVERYTHING.

now, all of my friend, my SGGS schoolmates, my collegemates and my good friend is pursuing their degree. i think i'm the only one left behind. i feel so stupid. i'm such an idiot. people went through another exciting phase of life. why cant i get it? i'm not stupid. do you call a 3.55 pointer student stupid? do you? why must a 1.95 student go to degree? how come a lazy dude who skip the class all the time could manage to pursue his degree? you want example? i have a lot of them! i'm so sick of them complaining bout their life. FUCK OFF!

Endy... LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! i'm way behind from my friend. Tiqah is doing her degree. Maryam is finishing Diploma soon and she's gonna continue her degree. Farah is studying. Hasnas is studying. many of them is studying. why cant i do the same? god gave them chance to study. what bout me? did you forget about me? do you know how painful it is to quit my studies? why me? i wanna study. you're so powerful, why cant you make me study?

Dear God,
sometimes, i lost faith in you. yes, i admit, that's murtad. but when to think about it back, many of them didnt do you any good. you still help them in life. i dont need anything else in life. i just want to study. is it a bad wishes? just give me 4 more years of chance before you test me again. let me study. you've tested me greatly during this 10 years. i thought, life was going better when i graduated from my diploma. i didnt feel any better. God, didnt you read all of my blog before this? or you're just too busy fixing OTHERS life and you totally forget about me? did i ever forget about you? i always fight for you. if any of those non-muslim there try to criticize your religion, i always fight back with no hesitation. i put believes in them. but just when they started to believe in you, i began to lost hope in you. how i wish i could deny this feeling.

in front of everybody, i try to act calm. i told them that i'm moving on. i told them i'm just looking for a good job now. but, deep inside me, i'm burning. my heart is scattered into pieces. it never hurt this much. remember when i used to cry to you when i broke up with Imran? this is worst than that, dear God. this is the greatest disappointment in my life. you know, it's so bad till i even think of giving up arts. maybe what my mom said was true in the end. they dont appreciate art. they likes lawyer, doctor, pharmacist, bla bla bla. ok whatever. i'm starting to ramble now.

Dear God,
if you've got a minute, please listen to me. please fix me. i have a corrupted family, argumentative parents and a disappointed 2 little brother. tell me, how do i fix this? tell me, how am i capable of doing all this? i realize that i'm the key of the family. everyone seems to come to me for their problem. what about me? until when should i extend my ego and tells everyone that i'm fine? i'm desperate. i need help. where should i seek it? i'm going home in less than 10 days time. can i even call it home when i dont even feel comfortable staying in it?

Dear God,
before i die, i want to see my highest level of education hanged on my office wall. please, dont let it be just a diploma. please. if you listen to many other girls dream, they will say they wanted a great guy to build a great family. i dont want that. i just want the chance to study. i'm so crushed! so devastated. felt like a loser. please. i've never ask you of anything. nothing. i just have one wish. i just cant take it anymore.

Endy,
i miss myself a lot. i'm sorry for being so sorrow. it's just i cant hide anything from you. i chat with one of my old friend today. he's gonna continue his master soon. Nick is going to Australia soon for his master. William is already doing master. all my classmate is now doing degree. what about me? i'm so left out. i dont want to be left behind. i need to get up Endy. for now, i need to go home to help my mom's business. i hope everything will go well soon. but hope is just a hope. with a corrupted place like Malaysia, how are we gonna survive?

i will write to you soon. take care Endy. miss you so much!

i wish i am,
Natasha

Monday, April 13, 2009

Plans Plans Plans...

time: 1:33a.m.
venue: home
mood: well, just + -
currently: just finish my dinner!

Endy,
i'm so sorry that i dont have the urge of updating my blog nowadays. Why? i'm just hiding from this world. i stayed at home most of the time, eat junk food, play stupid games and i've been doing lots and lots of THINKING lately. well, it doesnt really sounds like me, does it? i'm really worried Endy. worried of everything. scared of everything. i'm such a pathetic loser now! i have nothing to be proud of myself. my greatest fear is to be in the same group as all those pathetic people in life. people who doesnt have goal in life, going through work like a robot, come back home feeling irritated about their job, and worst of all, they think that they have the greatest stuff among their friends and ACTUALLY feel proud about it.

YES. PATHETIC. that's what i call it. i can give you a long list of blog which matches this word. am i being one of them? SHIT! i dont want to be that pathetic. i really have to do something in life. something that will make my brother say, FUCK YOU, SIS! lol... i mean in a good way. makes them jealous that my life is much better than them. well, we fight for everything anyway. even for a single channel, will make us argue till my mom turns into a big monster! dad will always be the referee. and referee usually win! how? errr.... he took the remote and change it to National Geographic channel. Booooringgggg.... watching monkey swinging and how elephant walk. what can i say, that's his favorite channel besides those documentary channel that i've forgotten the name. any idea? lol...

i'm going back to Penang in 2 weeks time. i'm gonna stay there for about 2 months. i dont know what to do yet. to get a job during this crisis is not a good idea. they're only willing to pay fresh graduate around RM1200 to RM1500. err... my mom gave me twice the salary. it just doesnt worth it for i knew that they're gonna make me stay back in office doing extra work and go back extra late! i should really start my e-commerce business real soon. most probably after Eid. for now, i'm in my research phase. also, building my website frame. called few friends to join me. i think it'll be fun!

errr Endy, i think i will stop now. i'm feeling kinda bored now. i wanna continue my game! oh ya.. for those who loves adventure game, i suggest Art of Murder 2 as your latest collection! see ya, Endy! i love you, pal!

pathetic,
tash
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