Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Waiting...

Time: 12:30 p.m.
Venue: My room
Mood: Sad
Condition: unstable feeling...
Currently: Missing someone..

Endy,
first of all, i'm sorry for not writing to you this 2 days... well, i didnt do anything much... just chilling at home and hang out with my housemate... i went to Carrefour yesterday with Emi... planned to buy table... but ended up buying junks... hahaha... hurm... i think i felt better nowadays... and i think i'm prepared for any decision he's making... i dont know Endy... i dont understand him... hurm... i think i'll do as what i said to you earlier... i'll just let him go... remember those words? if you love something, set it free... if it come back, it was for you.. if not, it was not meant to be... now.. i can just wait and see... well... next week i'll be going back home anyway... meet my siblings... meet my mama... my papa... meet all of my crazy and retarded friends... hahaha... i miss all of them... i think i've abandon them since i came here... i'm sorry people... hurm... i wanna chat with my friends now... i'll continue later??? bye...

i love you,
Natasha

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Lonely & unsecure...

Time: 12:50 p.m.
Venue: My sad room
Mood: Frustrated
Condition: almost give up
Currently: building up my trust in him..

Endy,
i dont know why... everybody seems to be against us... everybody says that i shouldn't wait for him... but i insisted... i wanna wait for him.... well... everybody says that he didnt treat me well... we're lack of communication... yes... i admit that... but... i knew he have things to do... if i dont understand him, who would?? right?? yes... sometimes i doubt bout him... but i think my love for him had beat all of the unnecessary feelings... i love him so much... i have too much to think of... i've dissapointed my family... i rejected so many opportunity... but now... the only thing i have is love... at least i have something to be proud of... and i knew i'll work harder to improve my cgpa back... phew... it's seriously hard Endy... i wish i could stop all this... right now.. i'm feeling so stress... i cant wait to go back penang... i wanna meet my mom... my dad... my brothers... at least i could talk to them... i miss my bro so much!! miss all the football match we have... basketball game... miss playing ps2 with them... miss arguing with them... i miss fighting with them... pheww.... miss everything bout my family...

right now... i'm worried Endy... am i doing the right thing?? am i waiting for someone who really love me?? he didnt answer my question Endy... i felt unsecure... i asked him few times... do you love me? i dont know either he refuse to answer... or it's just the connection... i dont know... should i give up?? well... u know me... i could wait even another one decade... i just need some sure answer... even though we cant be together after this because of certain circumstances, i'll take that as fate... at least i knew he love me... it's just fate... that we dont belong together.... what should i do now Endy?? i didnt sms him these days... i just want to give him a break... i know he need some space... so i think i should leave him alone...

one thing for sure... i dont want him to treat me nicely just because he pity me... i dont fix things that way... i dont want anybody to accept me just because he pity me or whatever... i want him to accept me because he have the same feelinds there... i'd rather suffer not having him than having him with the word pity! i dreamt bout him every night now Endy... i woke up every morning perspirating... u know me right... i rarely dream of anything... maybe i was just thinking too much... Endy... i think i need to go now... feel like crying now... bye...

i felt lonely & unsecure,
Natasha


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