Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Happy Birthday Tiqah!

Time: 8:48 a.m.
Venue: My Honey's place...
Mood: Happy..
Condition: Kinda tired and sleepy
Currently: Accompanying him studying...

Endy,
Morning dear... kinda weird huh to get a blog from Tasha early in the morning?? hehe... i dont even sleep yet... as usual... being an owl... How are you Endy?? i'm enjoying my holiday... this is one of the most miraculous holiday i've ever have... spending time doing nothing and counting days for my birthday this 20th May... i'm gonna be 20 this year... getting older... getting wiser... and of course... i'm happier than last year...

as the matter of fact, i'm really falling in love with him... he's great... i didnt regret risking my soul for him... i'm really happy... i felt appreciated when i'm with him... one best thing about him is i can talk to him... about anything... you name it... he always listen... even though we argue most of the time.. hehehe... i feel free whenever i'm with him...

phew... lets change the topic now... dont want to talk so much on him... i dont want to be addicted to him... well, today is my very best friend's birthday... Atiqah!!! i miss you babe! i'm sorry i cant be there on your birthday... i'm just having too much thing in my hand now... and my honey is having exam today... i have to support him... but dont worry babe... i've got your pressie with me... hehehe...

Tiqah,
trust me, you're one of my very best friend... you've done a lot for me... and i'll never forget that... nobody can ever take your place in my whole entire life... you hold a special place right here... i do miss you, a lot!! i wish i'm there in Penang... i'm sure if i'm there... you'll get one day leave from your boss!! we'll have so much fun!! whatever it is babe, HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY... may god bless you... my prayers will always be with you... frankly, i'll miss you when you leave to India for your medical studies... in fact, i'm already missing you now... whatever it is, you're a great friend... i can still remember those days... Cambridge Diploma class... Starbucks... FoodLoaf... our passion towards coffee and cakes... our madness towards penang food... phew... i miss it all... i cant imagine living 5 years without you here!! damn!! haha... wtf am i being emotional early in the morning??? i'm leaving to States too... New York!! wait for Tasha... she's coming with her DSLR!!! it's just the matter of time...

ok-ok... let me stop this crap... i wanna go now... i'll update you next time ok Endy!! i'm blurr today... dunno what to do on my birthday... but one thing for sure, i'll be having 4 birthday party this year.... Endy, i wanna go disturb my honey now... haha... pity him... been studying since yesterday night... bye Endy... hehehe...

happy,
Tasha

Saturday, May 10, 2008

I'm Confused, I just dont understand!

Time: 1:07

Venue: His place

Mood: Dizzy

Condition: In pain

Currently: Waiting for someone..

Endy,

i finally finish up my assignment on the Video Production... phew... i didnt sleep the whole night and i manage to finish everything at 9 o'clock in the morning... after that, i sleep and sleep until 6 something... phew... what a nice thing to do!!! hehehehe... i'm still having 3D, VB and Implementation Project to do... both VB and IP will due after holiday... right now, i'm enjoying my holiday after the stupid fucked up semester.... i really hate this semester...

Endy,

do you know that you're the person i value the most?? you wanna know why?? because you listen.. because you understand... because you're just you... sometimes i really cant understand people... they can be ok at a time... and they can be uneasy at a time... well, all i can do is to wait for an answer... i'm not gonna ask anymore question... you know me right?? whenever i decide on something, that's it... i wont look back... for Nick, you should know this very well... we have to learn it the hard way now...

i'm so useless right now... i dont know what to do... i dont even know what to write to you Endy... but i just feel like talking to you... i miss you, dude! i miss those sweet lily you used to give me every single day... i miss you sweet voice.... advicing me on life... i miss everything we used to have... one thing i like about you is you're always open to me... by this... i dont feel useless... at least i know something... do i look like i dont deserve to know anything??? am i pampered??? i believe that i'm one of the person that people will turn to whenever they have obstacles in life... well, i dont expect much... i just wanna know what's wrong... hurm... should i post this blog later?? or should i keep it together with all the private blog i've write to you???

i'm so confused... i just dont understand... hurm... i better stop thinking of this...i dont want to have a sad face here, at my dearest's place... for now.. i just wanna spend the whole week with him... and then set back to college with a fresh mind... seriously.... i'm so sick of college... i really need a break... Endy, i'm really nto in the mood right now... Amir is chatting with me online... i wanna go talk to him... i'll continue next time ok??? i love you pal!

confused,

Tasha
Time: 1:07

Venue: His place

Mood: Dizzy

Condition: In pain

Currently: Waiting for someone..

Endy,

i finally finish up my assignment on the Video Production... phew... i didnt sleep the whole night and i manage to finish everything at 9 o'clock in the morning... after that, i sleep and sleep until 6 something... phew... what a nice thing to do!!! hehehehe... i'm still having 3D, VB and Implementation Project to do... both VB and IP will due after holiday... right now, i'm enjoying my holiday after the stupid fucked up semester.... i really hate this semester...

Endy,

do you know that you're the person i value the most?? you wanna know why?? because you listen.. because you understand... because you're just you... sometimes i really cant understand people... they can be ok at a time... and they can be uneasy at a time... well, all i can do is to wait for an answer... i'm not gonna ask anymore question... you know me right?? whenever i decide on something, that's it... i wont look back... for Nick, you should know this very well... we have to learn it the hard way now...

i'm so useless right now... i dont know what to do... i dont even know what to write to you Endy... but i just feel like talking to you... i miss you, dude! i miss those sweet lily you used to give me every single day... i miss you sweet voice.... advicing me on life... i miss everything we used to have... one thing i like about you is you're always open to me... by this... i dont feel useless... at least i know something... do i look like i dont deserve to know anything??? am i pampered??? i believe that i'm one of the person that people will turn to whenever they have obstacles in life... well, i dont expect much... i just wanna know what's wrong... hurm... should i post this blog later?? or should i keep it together with all the private blog i've write to you???

i'm so confused... i just dont understand... hurm... i better stop thinking of this...i dont want to have a sad face here, at my dearest's place... for now.. i just wanna spend the whole week with him... and then set back to college with a fresh mind... seriously.... i'm so sick of college... i really need a break... Endy, i'm really nto in the mood right now... Amir is chatting with me online... i wanna go talk to him... i'll continue next time ok??? i love you pal!

confused,

Tasha

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

For Better or Worst!

Time: 4:16 a.m.
Venue: Indah Villa Condo
Mood: Bored..

Endy,
well, million of sorry to you and my reader out there... guys... i've been freaking busy these days... classes, assignments, pool sessions, and of course, HIM. Endy, how are you, dear? i hope you're fine! as for me, i'm in the best of health! never been better anyway.... life is as usual... fun and happening... gosh... i really dont know where to start my blog... i've been abandoning this blog for so long! sorry Endy... i know you miss me! i miss you too... i miss writing to you every night... but my schedule just doesnt allow me to! i'm supposed to be sleeping by now, but i just cant... so i thought of writing to you...

as for classes, as usual, boring and dull class! thanks to Su Weng for making me going to class!! he's really a great friend... for now, i'm having one assignment which the deadline is this Friday! it's my video assignment... i have to write a proper script on some movie that i like and make proper planning... this assignment will lead to the 3rd one later... so i cant screw up this one! i have ideas on the storyline, but the hard part is the production planning... damn it's tough! i'm gonna get my VB and 3D assignment soon... actually i already got it... but it's not official yet... my lecturer gonna upload it to their folder.... i dont mind doing VB and Oracle... but 3D and Video is very challenging! yeah, i love multimedia... but... this shit is seriously not my cup of tea! ok, i dont want to elaborate more on studies... i'm sick enough! i just cant wait to graduate! finishing soon, thank god!

as for me and him.. we're doing fine... we're still in the process of knowing each other... he's seriously my type of guy.... he understand me, even though not perfectly, but still, he knows me and he loves me the way i am... i really appreciate that. no doubt that i like his attitude as well... he shares almost everything with me... i know that... and i love it... because with this, we can avoid misunderstanding... i really hate it when people misunderstood me! i'm not gonna say he's a perfect person for me... but what i know is... he knows who i am, we've never hide anything from each other... however, i still feel scared of this relationship... i'm scared to fall in love... maybe one day he will leave me... just like what Nick did... just like others.... yes... i'm taking a risk here... Endy, if one day, this relationship failed, will you be with me? will you sit beside me and wipe my tears?

Endy,
i'm an idiot right? right now, i'm supposed to be happy with him... i'm supposed to tell you all the sweet story... i'm supposed to be the happiest girl in the world... but why do i have to be worried? why? because i knew the feeling of being hurt. i knew what does it feel to be left unsaid. i knew the feeling of being humiliated. i dont want to face it all over again... god, can you let me hold this happiness forever? can this be eternity? you've been taking my soul piece by piece and yet, i still try my best to survive... i dont know either i could survive this time... you can take anything in this world but please... not the person that i love...

i dont know why i feel like this Endy! can you explain it to me? i dont want to be like this... i want to smile for him.. i always want him to be happy whenever he's with me. i hope i'm being a great girl for him. i don't want him to feel awkward. i dont want him to be worried of me. frankly, i just dont know why the hell am i thinking like this... yes, i admit, i'm 100% happy with him... it's just that i feel insecure... it's just me... fix it for me please! i started to fall in love once again..

i fall in love with his attitude.. i fall in love with his character... i fall in love with his charisma... i even fall in love with his broad-minded mind! yes, this is the quality that we share. he always owns an opinion that really suit my mind.. he's free... he never control... he argue.... a lot! and i love it... the best part is... he treated me as a human... Endy, in me, there's love for him... there's responsibility for him... and most importantly, there's something called RESPECT for him... he's one of the person that made me listen to him... you know it's hard for me to listen to someone, right? but i do listen to him... not because he's my guy, but because i have such a high level of respect for him...

Endy,
my mind is kinda blank right now.. maybe because i used it too much on my video assignment... and it's still not done! i have to continue it tomorrow! hopefully i could finish it by Thursday night! well, i better get going now... i have class at 10.30... i'm going to Digital Mall in PJ in the afternoon with Andrew. i wanna check out few gadget... hehehe... gtg Endy.. night! bye!

I love you,
Tasha

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