time: 01.20 a.m.
mood: IT'S YOUR CHOICE, GOD!
currently: in dilemma.
nothing is sure yet. just trying my luck. i really needed luck in this one. might be my last resort if i can't get into Academy of Arts in San Frans. really. pray hard. if god really exist. i might get this shot. prove to me god is fair. prove to me god is mercy. prove to me god is listening. prove to me that god actually saw me crying inside now. PROVE IT.
i dont hope for much. just a little hope. little one. to see myself as a useful person once again. to get up and smile back to every Georgians that gave me that pity smile. to proudly carry the title once again. to proudly pronounce the title once again. to proudly own the card once again.
might be a small word for someone. not for me. i believe in education. few weeks back, i snapped. i lower my pride to money. i proudly announce that i don't believe in education. i'm even close to not believing my god. i can't even believe myself. yes, i do believe in education. but for me to believe in god once again, he gotta show me that he's there. that he's helping those who needed him. regardless whom they are. frankly, i envy those who are studying. it's a blessing. cherish it.
i can't wait. really. i wanna see the so-called magic. i wanna see either my excellent CGPA will impress them or it's just gonna be another sadistic story. right now. i'm just having a little hope. perhaps... you could make it happen. if this is happening, just assume i owe you a week of devoted person.
i want to be excellent. i want to be challenged intelectually.
IS IT HARD?
I'LL BE WAITING, TIL END OF DECEMBER.
IF NOT, I ASSUME THAT YOU NEVER REALLY CARE.
p/s: it took me a while click "publish post". i dont know why.
hoping, a little,
natasha farhana leow