Monday, January 26, 2009

Not so happy chinese new year!

time:2:51 p.m.
venue: hell.
mood: extremely sad.
currently: HUNGRY!

Endy,
i'm so sad right now... you know, i feel so useless... people always want this and that from me... but they never really ask, do i really want it? it's strange how people react sometimes. when i cry, they'll automatically ask me, what is it? what's up? and when i kept quiet, i'm actually guilty. wtf is that attitude? just leave me alone. i don't need anybody in my life anymore. i'm already sure that i can make it. i'm sure i can survive alone.

i didn't go back this Chinese New Year. don't ask me why, i don't know. i just don't feel like being at home right now. i believe my dad is so hurt right now. i don't know why i don't feel sorry for not going back. i just can't take it anymore. my mom repeating the same old story again and again, putting the blame on me and damn i feel real bad! i need a real escapade!

i've been looking for job today, and yes, i don't know why. i think i can stop all this misery just by working. i can end all this crap! once i could manage to take care of myself, no one can look down on me. no one will have the power to bully me anymore. just because you're feeding me doesn't make me your slave!

i'm hungry right now. really really hungry. it's been 29 hours since i last ate. and i only ate piece of bread last 29 hours. why i'm doing this? because i refused to feed myself with anyone's money. how long i can take it? it depends on my ego. i don't care even if i die. i really don't! right now, i'm having gastric. a real bad one. i just ignore. i don't give a damn. why should i care? maybe you guys will be happier if i die!

Endy, they tortured me mentally. i'm gonna be insane soon!

i'm really hungry,
Tash
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