Mellow down?

Dear Endy,

I was reading some of my entries. some sad, some happy, mostly sarcastic and critic towards surrounding environment. Then, come to think bout it, why was I so eloquent with that? My habit? My nature? Or I am just plain rude? Am I?

Apparently, ending of the year is usually a very sentimental moment in my life. I come to think of what I've done the whole year. Was I useful to the society? Have I done enough good deeds to people surrounding me. Who have I annoy and hurt? 

From where I'm standing right now, 2011 wasn't really a good year for me. Well, except for my studies. the rest is nonsense. I've been hiatus on so many things. i choose not to participate in a lot of important events. I tends to like being alone. Worst of all, i dont give a fuck on people anymore.

Have i become that heartless?

What's wrong with me?

reading through most of my posts, i feel like, i've been bad. i've been nasty. i think i could write better words. words that won't hurt people, yet hard enough to make them think of their action and consequences. I almost unpublished a few of my post because i was too embarrassed to read it. i was that mean bitch. 

but then again, i refuse to delete. because, whatever it is, that was me. that is the person i used to be. I don't know either any of my friends, relatives, colleagues and schoolmates could tolerate me the way I am, or, i could be a better person? Well, yeah, obviously everyone wants to be better each passing day. But, the question is, what do i need to change? Do tell me. I'm listening.

ok, i know most of my friend will be like, WTF is Tash crapping? She's been like that her entire life. hey peeps, i'm trying to be a better person. Do help me alright? For what it's worth, I curse less, I prevent myself from being sarcastic most of the time, I start to listen to others, I'm kicking off my bad habits.

Despite all that, i still use the word FUCK and BITCH a lot. 

So yeah, Tash is still Tash. 

Just trying to be better. Alright?

Tash

Orientation Leader

Alright, let's come clean, I sit at home all day long, thinking what to post for today's entry. I almost gave up on today's content. that's how bad I am at writing nowadays!!!

then, this email came in:

LOL..... this just made my day!

Such a good start for new year! 2012 is so gonna be a good year. It is my year btw. DRAGONNN!!!

I'm back, I promise!

Hello fellow bloggers!

Yes,

i've been missing for the whole year. WTF happen to me? Truth is, i've lost interest to update my blog. but i do feel empty without having a schedule to write something everyday. So, i guess i'm back to this line. Gonna start writing starting today onwards. might be a tough one to follow though, since i've leave blogging world for so long. so pardon me for my bad grammar and lack of vocabulary. i've lost the dictionary in my head! 

*****

So, what's up with you guys? How's life? Yes, i really mean this question. do drop by and comment. i do read everyone's comment. My life have been kinda crooked this year. well, there's three things that happen to me during this year. 

first, i dump Jack last year. he's a total jerk. doesn't really matter now. i have someone better. oh yeah, feel free to judge me. i can jump into relationship faster than a train. life is short, why spend time to think either he's the one or not? just be with him and see if it works. for now, i'm still on a fence bout this new guy. 

second, as i posted earlier, i finally continue my degree. I'm doing B.A. (Hons) Graphic Communication Design at Taylor's University, Lakeside Campus. so, if anyone happens to be there, do contact me. we could go for a  drink or something. it's a nice place to hangout. i've finish my first semester, A VERY TOUGH FIRST SEMESTER, and i'm not even happy with my results. Taylor had been a different study environment for me. i mix with the right student, go to class religiously, attendance is 98%, stay back till 5a.m. just to finish up a project, meet my lecturer everyday and yada yada yada. so, i am very disappointed when i get bad result. anyways, i will make sure my next semester will be better, and more A for me! This is my dream for heaven's sake. i need to work my ass up!

(will upload the pic of the result once my internet is fine)

third, i think i lost all of my bestie. for some reason, they seems so far away. maybe it's something i did, maybe it's something i said, i don't know. i tried asking, and nobody gave me the exact answer. so yeah, i guess i'll just let it go and move on with my life. i will make new friends, which i already have, and start a really fresh new life. i will never let anyone interfere into my feelings anymore. nobody could make me feel bad, even though i lost my bestie or whatsoever. 

anyways people, i will be having 3 months holiday. My next intake will be on April the 8th. i think i will enroll into drawing and painting class during this holiday. need to enhance my skills for next semester. 

Lastly, Welcome back Tash to blogging world. I've missed this actually. blogging for me is like soul searching. to write what i feel, and whatever that i like. it's very refreshing. i want to have that feeling once again. 

I'm back, I promise!

Till then.

Tasha Leow

Condolences

My deepest condolences to Kak Mynn who lost her father on 24th December 2011.

Yaasin.

The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" -
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never - nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore:
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting -
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

People call it the best poem bla bla bla. i call it nonsense!

Kalau lah dunia ni takde lelaki sial dan perempuan jalang murahan.... aman dunia sampai hari kiamat

(title taken from my fb status)

oh yes... aku sangat tak faham kadang-kadang. spouse korang dah cantik sangat. dah baik sangat. nak kata perfect tu tipu la. nabi je maksum. tuhan je perfect. so ada pros and cons lah everyone. ko carik la pompuan/jantan perfect cemane pun.. surely ade flaws. 


the question is....
bila dah ada yg baik, yg jaga kebajikan kita, APAHAL GEDIK SANGAT NAK MENGGATAL DGN YG LAIN? ke mmg lumrah manusia, suka cari pasal? suka buat org sakit hati? sgt tak faham. dah byk sgt tgk kes mcm ni. naik fedup ah.

boleh tak for once kau blaja SETIA?

susah sgt?

ape kau perfect sgt ke sampai kau rasa betina2 atau jantan2 tu gila kat kau?


(tak pasal pepagi aku maki hamun)


bye

I hate MAC

....and i bought a Macbook Pro 15 inch.

Good luck!

Seriously gonna curse a lot.
I'm in a Mac-dominated world.

now..... how do I install windows with the boot camp.

LOL.

Puasa

People: Tasha, puasa tak hari ni?

Tasha: Yer... puasa.

People: Alhamdulillah, baguslah.

Tasha: You sembahyang tak hari ni?

People: (smile and walk off)

Dear PEOPLE,

Rukun Islam

Mengucap dua kalimah syahadah

Menunaikan solat fardu lima waktu

Berpuasa pada bulan Ramadan

Membayar zakat - Zakat fitrah, Zakat harta

Mengerjakan Haji di Mekah bagi mereka yang mampu

Sembahyang tu jatuh no 2, puasa jatuh no 3. hari2 perlu tanya org puasa ke tak. tp tak pernah soalkan pasal sembahyang. kenapa ek? 

Nothing personal actually. just pelik dgn BUDAYA kita. puasa 30 hari berkobar2 buat, siap perli2 org tak puasa. Kalo tak puasa kena tangkap dgn jabatan, tak sembahyang camne lak? well, for me, ibadah tu just keep it to yourself. I puasa or not, sembahyang or not, I dont have to announce it to the whole world.

I'm just sick of these environment. 

Selamat berpuasa to all muslim,

and also to my fellow friends yg baru blaja berpuasa.

bravo guys.

May god bless us all.

A new life ahead!

Yes people! I would like to scream to the whole world. After 3 years of waiting, and working compulsively in a ridiculous field, I am finally stepping my feet into a campus once again.

(photo randomly taken from google)

Well, it's gonna be a 3 years of BA (Hons) Graphic Communication Design course in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. Trust me, I fall in love the first time i went there! Ok, this is just a graphical picture, but i promise to upload real picture taken from my DSLR! lets just hope I still know how to use a camera. lol.

I'll be driving down to Sunway later and I haven't pack a thing. LOL silly me. Will start packing after typing this entry. As promised, i will start writing on this blog once again. I've been on hiatus for too long already.Frankly speaking, I am so excited to start a new life ahead, holding up the the same title i once had, a student. However, i do need to brush up on my sketching and drawings. I hope i'll do just fine. please pray for me!

I do have one issue with nicknames though. I'm sort of in a dilemma.... either to make people still call me Tash or just Ace. lots of people been calling me Ace now. So, what do you think?

Till then, GOOD LUCK to me.

Lots of love,

Tash

Hiatus?

Yes it is a long hiatus for me. Didnt really go anywhere. just got fedup of writing i guess? everytime i try to start writing, i just froze. i guess i'm no more a writer? lol.

anyways, it's great to be here. feels like home. a place that i can say out loud just anything that i want. i miss u guys so much. i miss my reader. i miss my blogger friend. thanks for supporting me all this while. thanks for sharing all my dumb story, my silliness, my sadness, my happiness over something stupid and my undeniable deep emotional feelings.

i think i will start writing here. it wont be as good as before, as i'm starting over as a writer. i will try my best.

p/s: Endy, im sorry for abandoning you dear :(
lots of love.

Tash

Zaman itu dah over ok!

Step-step aku berchatting kat FB.

1. Orang PM aku.
2. aku tak kenal, so aku tanye sape?
3. Dia ckp nak kenal.
4. Aku ckp bye.
5. Aku bukak profile dia.
6. Aku delete.
7. Aku block.
8. Settle.

Yes, i am that straight-forward.

• Mintak maaf la kalau ko nak ckp aku ni sombong ke, prasan lawa ke, bajet cun ke, ape-kejadah ke.
• Tapi aku mmg tak boleh nak layan spesies-spesies manusia mcm ko.
• Randomly add org pastu ajak chat, konon-konon nak berkenalan.
• Sorry la kalau korang nak anggap aku sombong, tp aku bosan ok kalau sehari kene layan 10 malaun mcm ni.
• Aku bosan dgn perangai-perangai typical mcm ni.
• Kalau ko pm awek tu pastu awek tu tak berminat, tutup je chatbox tu, move on dgn awek lain plak.
• Takyah nak ckp dia sombong ke, bongkak ke, ape ke.
• Lagi satu, ayat2 "hi, A.S.L. pls, boleh kenal, mcm kenal la, umur brapa, tinggal mana, keje ke study, buat apa, tak tido lagi ke, awak ni mix ke" tak payah la nak tanya aku. aku dah muak chatting mcm ni zaman2 skolah dulu. I'M DONE!
• Dunia ni luas, aku mungkin tak suka layan, tp pompuan lain mungkin suka layan.
• So, ko gi carik ur match ok?
• BTW, bukan aku gedik-gedik nak approve friend request ko. kadang-kadang aku approve sebab aku ingat member-member lama aku. tambah-tambah lak ada 100 mutual friend. rupa-rupanya ko add semua geng2 aku. 
• Malaun-malaun berkenaan kalau aku ter-ADD aku takkan pikiaq 2 kali nak remove.
• Harap maklum.

**Edit: Beberapa minit lepas aku post entry ni, dia inbox aku kat FB pulak. malas mau cerita panjang. tgk sendiri print screen. kali ni aku malas nak censored nama dia.

Back to your root, back to ground zero.

When you're successful,
always remember the ground.


When you're on top of the world,
always look down to your root.


When you're nothing,
climb up the ladder again.


When everything falls apart,
go back home.


The best place in the world!


I'm coming home, next month.
I'm done here.


back to my root.
back to ground zero.

Tasha

Answer me.

Honestly,

I've been thinking bout this for a few weeks.

I don't know how to explain things. Let alone elaborating the feelings.

When you asked me, 

What are you thinking?

I don't know how to answer.

Because, i don't know how to tell you.

That you've change like 180 degrees.

Yes,

We're still together.

Yes,

We're in love.

But I miss those moment when we're so deeply into each other.

Why does it have to change?

If all relationship fade day by day, then how do we go through our life?

Relationship is suppose to grow taller day by day.

Or maybe it is not true love?

Answer me.

Tasha

I love...

I love...

to hold your hands.

I love...

to talk to you.

I love...

to argue with you.

I love...

to call you whenever i think of you.

I love...

to SMS you just to ask silly question.

I love...

to see you making cute faces.

I love...

it when you become a gentleman.

I love...

it when you know exactly what i like.

I love...

it when you talk bout your life for that day.

I love...

sharing food with you.

I love...

spending time with you, even we're doing nothing.

I love...

being by your side, even when you're busy doing assignment. 

I love...

YOU!

Tasha

Back to December

Pernah dengar lagu tu?


Back to December, by Taylor Swift.


That song brings me back to December.


To where i used to live.


To where i used to be extremely happy.


I wish, I could go back to December.

Yaasin

Sumpah, aku tenang lepas berkali-kali baca surah ni.

Sepanjang minggu stress.

Sepanjang minggu otak celaru sangat.

Fikirkan solution untuk setiap masalah yang ada.

Sampai aku lupa.

Lupa kewujudan Dia.

Pencipta yang satu.

Astagfirullah al-azim.

Tasha

Apa kena dgn aku ni?

Tasha,

Boleh tak dalam hidup ni jangan banyak fikir sangat?

Boleh tak cuba relax and enjoy life?

Apa kena dgn aku ni?

Benda yang dah perfect, lagi nak fikir macam-macam.

Aku perfectionist ke? 

Damn. Aku bukan perfectionist.

Orang selalu cakap,

Aku bertuah ada mak bapak orang senang.

Aku bertuah sentiasa ada "someone"caring dengan aku.

Aku bertuah ada kawan-kawan yang paling setia.

Aku bertuah hidup tak perlu fikir nak survive.

Orang tak nampak,

Mak bapak aku tak mewahkan aku.

That "someone" pun need a break from relationship kadang-kadang.

Kawan-kawan kesayangan aku semua stay jauh, especially Tiqah.

Yes, tak perlu fikir nak survive. Betul la sangat kan?

Aku rasa aku dah mula jadi manusia depressed macam dulu.

Damn lah. 

Aku taknak depressed.

Aku nak that Tasha yang happy.

Aku happy dengan "dia".

Sangat happy actually.

Tapi apa lagi yang aku cari?

Perfection?

I don't think so.

'coz no shit is perfect in this world.

Tapi, still, i miss that December.

Bulan yang sangat-sangat happy.

I was with my dear BFF and babes.

Then he came to Penang for a short vacation.

Things started to fall into places.

I start planning out for my new life.

*****

Right now,

I'm living that new life of mine.

It's been perfect.

Well, at least for me it is.

So what's wrong Tasha?

Stop thinking.

Boleh tak pegang prinsip hidup Alex?

Live for today, tomorrow is another story!

Tasha

Perplexed

Here we are.
Back to ground zero.


I wish, we could fall in love once again. 
Be as close as we used to be few months ago.


I try to figure out.
What exactly happen.
That we are so apart right now.


I think.
And think.
I rethink. 


Over and over again.
Just can't dig out the answer.


This is frustrating.
Because I love you more than anything.

*****

I know.
That we're fine.
We're very happy.
We suits each other well.


The thing is,
where is our flaw?
what is our problem?
why aren't we connecting?


I've always believe,
that in every relationship, 
there's always another step,
that will grow taller day-by-day.

****

Let me simplify.

I just miss you.

That "you" i used to know.

That "you" who talks to me 'bout everything.

Even a silly thing that happens surrounding him.

Like a lame auntie passing by wearing ridiculous blouse.

Where is that man?

Why aren't him here?

I'm just beside you, but i feel like we're apart.

I meet you everyday, but i still feel that you're not here.

We're in the same venue, but it feels so soulless. 

Whatever happens to that environment?

Tasha.

Angel

Angel,
I miss our beautiful moment.
I miss the person you used to be.
I miss that clumsy man i used to date.
I miss those cheeky smile on your face.


You rarely smile now.
You rarely talk now.
You rarely joke now.
You rarely need me now.


What's bothering you, my dear?


We used to just sit and talk our heart out.
We used to be those people who laugh a lot.
We used to send each other beautiful message.
We used to stare at each other, for hours.


What happen?
What went wrong?


Is it me?
Is it you?


Or is it just us being "apart"?
Or is this what relationship are?


They seems to torn in the middle of the bumpy road.
Leave us with a wounded heart and miserable feelings.


Can we fall in love once again?


Back to that December.


I miss all that.


I miss you.

Tasha

Jalang

WARNING: THIS IS A HATRED ENTRY. GET OUT IF YOU ARE THE FAIRY PRINCESS SEEKER.

Ok, aku taktau pasaipa la aku gatai sgt tangan pi search FB pompuan gila tu. kalau follower lama blog ni, hangpa tau la aku dok ckp pasai sapa. my no 1 enemy dalam hidup aku. satu jalang yg cukup aku benci for almost 7 years now. Taktau pasaipa, maybe sebab aku boring, or sebab aku dah rasa aku sgt best dari dia (selama ni mmg aku best dari dia pun), aku tiba2 rasa nak stalk FB dia. Puncanya, ada satu minah ni, email kat aku pic2 PANAS dia few years back. harini aku buat housekeeping email, terjumpa lak email lama tu. 

Yes, berdosa dendam lama2. tapi dia ni mmg jalang tahap sial nye. sumpah kalau aku jumpa dia skarang, aku takkan fikir 2 kali nak sepak terajang dia. malangnya, 7 tahun, dia langsung tak brani tunjuk muka! haram jadah nya betina. aku tgk profile dia. tgk pic dia (jgn tanya mcm mana aku boleh access private profile, i have my ways). WTF dia still LOSER! sumpah LOSER. betina yg konon2 nya kaya tahap perdana menteri, keturunan sempoi2, cantik & seksi, and typical modern woman  (tah celah mana modern) rupa2 nya skarang life dia sgt sucks. life aku better kot. walaupun aku kena work and study. 

BF yg 2-3 years back tu still BF dia. dress up still typical nak mati. konon2 vogue la tu. singlet MNG (yg sure beli time 70%), skinny jeans and necklace yg tak penah tukar2. OMG. have you ever heard of fashion? skarang aku tgk profile pic dia, still jalang yg sama. trying her best to have a cleavage. apa hang ingat boobs ang besar sgt ka? HAKTUIH!

Dia ni sgt wannabe tau. apa aku buat dulu, semua dia nak buat. apa aku beli semua dia nak beli. apakejadah ya minah ni????? skarang aku tgk dia sgt nak berbaik dgn geng2 aku plak. come on. cermin diri tu! ada ka patut dia ckp aku ni PENIPU? dia ckp family aku org susah, lagi susah dari dia. dia ckp family aku bukan mix, aku melayu tulen. haramjadah pa nya woi? sesusah2 family aku, I WENT TO A FUCKING PRIVATE COLLEGE. hang masuk local U ja kot!!!!!!! tu pun pakai PTPTN. kaya sgt kaaaa???????? 

Ni bodo, kalau aku ni melayu tulen, celah mana mai Tasha Leow! celah mana mai mata sepet? celah mana mai kulit putih? apa bangang sgt ang ni!!! and dengki tang mana bapak aku cina? anyway, what's the big deal of being mix anyway? aku tau la ang tak boleh blah..... always under my shadow kan????? you try to steal the limelight, yet you failed even to get close to my shadow. come on la. hang dgn aku, aku CANTIK lagi (yes aku prasan lawa dari jalang ni). 

hang nak tak aku print billboard besaq2 gambaq panas ang????? i think 20k is nothing for me, asalkan hati aku puas. tp aku ni bukan jenis jalang mcm ang, nak menyibuk hal org. ang nak buat dosa tu ang punya pasai laaa! bukan pinjam bf aku pun. oh ya, speaking of bf, ingat lagi tak dulu ang sukaaaaaaa sgt kutuk bf org. bf org ni buruk, bf org tu bodo, bf budak tu miskin, and yada yada yada. skarang apa dah jadi???? BF ang mcm malaun terencat ja aku tgk. come on laaa... wei pompuan, what goes around comes around, KAN???? euwww... tadak taste toi ang ni. desperate sgt ka????

***

tp hati aku puas. sah2 life aku better. skarang budak2 yg dulu tak ckp dgn aku pun dah back with me. ang ada pa? obviously your CLASS is way lower than mine. you life to serve people like me. ish.... rasa mcm nak terajang ang la. ang ada mana ar? mai sini sat. aku nak tendang juboq ang 10 kali! 

to my babes, i guess you girls know la kan, aku tgh maki hamun sapa ni. ish tatau pasaipa... tiba2 dendam aku naik balik pagi ni. 

sekian terima kasih kerana membaca sampai habis maki hamun aku. sekurang2 nya marah aku kurang. tadak la aku pi sodok juboq sapa2 pasni. makasihhhhhhhhh!

p/s: komen la apa angpa mau. janji jgn dok buat ustaz/ustazah tang ni, dok nasihat aku dendam tu tak elok, musuh tu tak baik, bla bla bla. SUMPAH aku delete ja!

I still hate you bitch,

Tasha Leow

Check list

I need to:


1 - make new glasses. my power increased. Grrr...
2 - get myself a new Vaio. mine is dead. R.I.P.
3 - get super comfy wedges or ballerina for classes.
4 - buy a big bag for classes. i forgot i just bought that fuchsia bag.
5 - make a new saving account. i'm done with CIMB. so longg........
6 - change my mobile number. i'm done with Maxis.
7 - buy flip flop.
8 - reload my touch N go. back to KL highways which is full of tolls.
9 - go to LKW to push on my application to go to 3rd year.
10 - get a new place. 
11 - order new contact lens. 

A Fresh Start!

Hi there everyone,

My apologize for the longest hiatus ever. 

i'm not busy, i'm not occupied with anything, nothing, TOTALLY nothing. 

What I've been doing lately then?

Well, I travel back and forth, tweaking my mind, thinking deep, WHAT'S NEXT?

Received a job offer from a company that i really want, REJECTED it.

Why? Because i still believe in that DEGREE i was waiting for.

*****

CHAPTER 23

Yes, I'm 23 this year. so, this is chapter 23 of my blog, and of my life. If you're a follower of this damn blog, you'll know what's first on my wishlist, a DEGREE. 

Tomorrow, I'm leaving Penang once again. Just like what i did 4 years ago. A young girl with big dreams, stepping into Sunway University, hoping to cope among the best of education. Did i get it? Yes. Did i enjoy my college life? Definitely, Yes. Did i excel in studies, Hell yeah! Graduated class of 2008, together with Ellyshia, Melita, Su Weng, Raymond and Vishminna. Yes, only us left. we started as 14 in the class. just us left. 

Gosh, how i miss Aaron and Azuan's lame joke. How i miss them floitering around with me in Subang. How i miss playing poker and pool with them. How i miss skipping class with them, and hanging out at Orange. How i miss competing in classes. how i miss being the most outstanding student in class. how i miss walking in the college and people looking at me as if i'm a freak. damn, i miss everything about college. i miss that title.

Tomorrow, 

Will be a new life for me. a brand new life. i will gasp every single breath i have, with courage and with all i had to bet, to that title, once again, STUDENT. This time, it's sweeter than ever. I am nobody's burden. I'm on my own. For bad or worst, it's on me now. My decision all the way. They don't know how much this mean for me. even if i have to really suffer this 2 years of education, i will go through it, with whatever is left with me.

I've pack my bags. Settle up my documents. Got myself a job. Enrolled in February intake. Applied for scholarships. I'm fully confident that i'm almost done right here. ALMOST. i just need a proper place to stay. so far, i'm staying kinda far from college. a friend's place. an old mate. Emi. remember her?

Besides all that,

Family are getting better. Mom got herself a new civic as a birthday present from dad. it shows that their relationship is getting better. well, i better keep praying for their happiness. they deserve each other, despites whatever shit that happens to our family. Our family business are also expanding. mom open a new branch of her shop. Dad got promoted as the CEO. brothers are all fine. 

I broke up with Jack. Why? I don't think i want to reveal it here. let me just say, he's a nice person, but he's not ambitious enough for me. he just wants to settle for average. you guys of all people knows it well that i'm not average. oh yes, i believe in myself. i am EXTRAORDINARY. 

The truth is, 

when i was with Jack, i suffered for the last few months of our relationship. Now, I'm with someone better. Someone who deserves me more than anyone else. someone that i failed to see at first. Someone, who started as a friend. For now, he wants to remains anonymous. he wants us to ride low. I respect that decision. so for now, my mouth is sealed. 

******

Everything is falling into places now. things seems to be better, or wonderful, may i say. i've come this far, and, i'm not looking back. for now, i have a new plan in life. my new plan in life is to live for today, and not to worry bout tomorrow. there's always a way out. don't worry too much, dont structure yourself too hard, dont pressure your soul too bad. you deserve to sit back and enjoy this life. trust me, things will fall into places, by itself. dont try to fix anything that is not broken. 

Right now,

can i finish this studies with honour? can i cope to work and support myself without my parents help? can i cope with studies? can i get used to the new environment? can i survive this new relationship with that special someone? will i actually be with him forever? will i be an ART DIRECTOR as i've always wish since i was a little girl? will i be as successful as my babes in future? will i sit in the same table as future doctor, future lawyer, future pharmaceutic, future accountant and future remizer in 5 years time? The answer is, NO. NO for, WHO THE HECK KNOWS? sit back and enjoy the ride god crafted for you. 

Dont worry too much.

I've made a wrong turn once or twice. 

This is my life.

Still standing, with pride,

Tasha Leow