Saturday, December 31, 2011

Mellow down?

Dear Endy,

I was reading some of my entries. some sad, some happy, mostly sarcastic and critic towards surrounding environment. Then, come to think bout it, why was I so eloquent with that? My habit? My nature? Or I am just plain rude? Am I?

Apparently, ending of the year is usually a very sentimental moment in my life. I come to think of what I've done the whole year. Was I useful to the society? Have I done enough good deeds to people surrounding me. Who have I annoy and hurt? 

From where I'm standing right now, 2011 wasn't really a good year for me. Well, except for my studies. the rest is nonsense. I've been hiatus on so many things. i choose not to participate in a lot of important events. I tends to like being alone. Worst of all, i dont give a fuck on people anymore.

Have i become that heartless?

What's wrong with me?

reading through most of my posts, i feel like, i've been bad. i've been nasty. i think i could write better words. words that won't hurt people, yet hard enough to make them think of their action and consequences. I almost unpublished a few of my post because i was too embarrassed to read it. i was that mean bitch. 

but then again, i refuse to delete. because, whatever it is, that was me. that is the person i used to be. I don't know either any of my friends, relatives, colleagues and schoolmates could tolerate me the way I am, or, i could be a better person? Well, yeah, obviously everyone wants to be better each passing day. But, the question is, what do i need to change? Do tell me. I'm listening.

ok, i know most of my friend will be like, WTF is Tash crapping? She's been like that her entire life. hey peeps, i'm trying to be a better person. Do help me alright? For what it's worth, I curse less, I prevent myself from being sarcastic most of the time, I start to listen to others, I'm kicking off my bad habits.

Despite all that, i still use the word FUCK and BITCH a lot. 

So yeah, Tash is still Tash. 

Just trying to be better. Alright?

Tash

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