Thursday, September 09, 2010


Everyone been talking bout Raya.
We're all excited to celebrate the 1st day of Eid.
Every muslim has been waiting for this moment.
After fasting for a long tiring month.
Preparation has been made.

We bought new clothes, in my case, baju kurung.
We bought new shoes, in my case, stiletto and heels.
We bought new house decoration, in my case, NONE.
We made kuih raya, in my case, ordered from my mom's friend.
We cook our traditional dishes such as lemang and rendang, in my case, NONE.
We service our car for Balik Kampung journey, in my case, NONE.

Usually on 1st Syawal,
we wake up early to go for prayers and seek forgiveness among family members.
we sit down and eat together as a big happy family.
we talk, have fun, joke around and just spend quality time with family.
we visit neighbours, aunts and uncles, friends, also other relatives.
we invite others to our open house, with an open heart.

Well, that is Eid in Malaysia at least.
that's typical celebration of Eid amongst the malays.
at least, that's what i see.


How i envy such a family.
who's celebrating raya with such joy.

would you trust me if i tell you that i've never been there.
i mean, we've never really celebrate it properly.
sometimes, i felt like i'm the only one with the spirit of Raya.
i feels the joy of it, and i can't wait to celebrate it.
the saddest thing bout it is, i could only taste all that family tradition in someone's else house.

i'm not suppose to expose this.
it's humiliating to expose your family's weakness.
my parents has been such a darling all these years.
despite all that, i failed to see us as FAMILY.

i'm sorry, mama, abah.
for i've failed to see us as family.
where is our value as family?
or is it normal this way?


Ya Allah,
jika kau terima amalanku sepanjang Ramadhan ini, kembalikan keluargaku.
jika kau nampak usahaku menyatukan keluarga ini, bantu lah aku.
Sesungguhnya aku sangat ingin melihat satu keluarga yang bersatu.

Aku lihat wajah mama ku,
aku nampak kesedihan.

aku lihat air muka abah ku,
aku nampak kekesalan.

aku lihat adik-adikku,
aku nampak ketidaksempurnaan.

Aku lihat diri sendiri,
aku nampak penyelesaian.

Apa perlu aku buat?
untuk baiki keadaan ini?


Untuk semua kawan, pembaca, follower (sorry aku tatau follower in BM apa) dan anonymous;

mintak maaf kalau-kalau ada entry yang tak menyenangkan dalam blog ni.
mintak maaf kalau-kalau ada entry yang menyerupai kisah hidup korang.
mintak maaf kalau-kalau aku ada termaki, terkutuk dan apa saja.
mintak maaf kalau-kalau aku ego tak mahu list blog korang. itu prinsip.


My best best best friend in the world, Raja Nur Maryam, Atiqah Ayob, Siti NurHasnas;

I've known you girls for at least 9 years.
During those 9 years, sure there's flaws in me.

I'm sorry my dear friend,
for those words which might hurt,
for those attitude that might annoy,
for every sarcasm i made.
for every anger i've shown.
for every cat fight we've been.
for every silent treatment we've done.
for.......every single thing during those years we've been BEST FRIEND.

For My Jack,
We're still learning on each other.
Therefore, there's always flaws.
Negative, positive, i've swallowed it all.
For I've forgive you in everything......
......and i hope you've done the same.


aku menulis,
demi kepuasan,
bukan untuk menyakitkan,
jauh sekali menyusahkan.

aku cuma seseorang yang mahu escapism.
maafkan aku untuk semua yang tersalah laku.


Natasha Farhana Leow

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