I wish... on my 21st Birthday!

time: 8:13 in the MORNING.

venue: home.

mood: blurrr

currently: thinking bout life.

Endy,

yes i know it's been just few hours back since i last talk to you. still, idea just came in and i just hit the keyboard. the computer is already running anyway. ok, wassup with my title? it's not a random title that just cross my mind as i usually do. it's something that i'm thinking now.

as everyone knows, my birthday is coming soon. i'm gonna turn 21 and hell yeah i dream too much in my life. life is skeptical. you cant dream on it. it always turn its back on you. stab you with a rusty knife. and you'll get hurt badly just when you realize it. tough huh? well, the sooner we learn that fact, the better. i've dream of going to worlds best art school and i'm even accepted there. come on... with my CGPA and my recommendation, i deserved it. the school i've been dreaming of all this year is finally coming. but life just have to act funny with me.

all of the sudden, economy have to be down. my parents have to have crisis. my family is falling apart. why the hell this have to happen now? seriously god, the best birthday present this year will be my tuition fees for college. it's about 89k US dollar, thank you. my parents can afford that, but you made it gone. seriously, is this a big joke? hahahaha... well, i already laugh bout it. can you give it back, like NOW?

omg, i'm turning 21 in 3 freaking days and to think of what i'm doing now, i'm really ashamed to even look at the mirror. a diploma? omg. such a stupid girl i am. i want to be educated. i want to go back to college. what the hell is wrong with the whole world? i saw it with my own eyes. OVER-privilledge kids are fooling around in college that i work hard for and they got to continue making silly mistake, re-taking each classes semester by semester?? i really feel like it's unfair. i'm 21. no more time for jokes. i wanna have my own studio by the age of 29. it's all planned. did you read my diary of the year 1998?? i can show you my enthusiasm towards my future. i've been dreaming of being a designer since primary school. what the heck? yes, you can call me nerd or moron or whatever you want. i know what i want in life and i want it back!

you know, since i was 12, i have this favorite TV series that i watch again and again, until now. it have seven seasons and i think i watch all 7 seasons like 20 times. why? because i love the character. a girl with vision. a girl who knew what she always wanted since the beginning and she's doing great at it. you know what's the best part of it? in season 6 she is 21 years old, having a steady life, studying in one of the best university in the world and a great social life. she's got connection!

yeah, it's just a movie. a TV series. maybe for you. lots of kids out there adore Cinderella story and bla bla bla. you know, all those fairytale stories that keep giving hint to people that a prince is a great guy to marry. well, this TV series is my fairytale. i wanted to be like this girl. successful in life. the best part of the series is the ending of season 7. she rejected her bf's proposal just because she wanna catch her dream. well, that's exactly what i'm talking here, my friend. that's suppose to replace all of the crappy fairytale story.

shit, i have to stop watching this series. it's really killing me. i'm so far away from her. i used to think i have such a similar life like her. studying well and graduate with good grades. i just wish... just one wish ever in my life...

I WANNA CONTINUE MY STUDIES!

is it so hard to fulfill?? i dont understand. seriously. just because i'm an art major, doesnt make me an idiot. i could study law. i could study medicine. i could study accounting. i know my brain is good enough for all that. but the think is... i choose ART. because i love them hell a lot! do you know that in Malaysia, a 4.0 in art is nothing compared to 3.0 and above of science stream??? oh yeah... let me tell you that! they only want people from a "CRITICAL" course to apply for loans or scholarship. ok whatever. i was a science student and i did good. just because i chose art, i'm suddenly useless? come on. gimme a break.

in sunway, i used to rent condo with those so-called brainy girl. they study in Monash in a "CRITICAL" course. if i'm not mistaken, it's biotechnology, mechanical engineering and some other SCIENCE maniac stuff. honestly, i digest that subject better than them. you should be there when they're studying for test. they're basically memorizing every single line of the book they bought for their senior. i bet they dont even understand the the book. and i hate it when they're trying to show off their new phone or laptop which is bought using their scholarship money.

ok Endy. i'm getting more and more depressed now. lets change the topic. on the other hand, my mom bought for me 9 new dresses. yay! more dress for me. she also bought make up for me. things that i love bout being a girl. you can never shop too much and you can never run out of fashion to buy! thanks mom. love ya for that. yes, i know you shop when you're not feeling good bout dad. i can see that even though you're in denial. Endy, she even cut her long pretty hair. man, i know for a reason that she love her hair so much. no idea why she cut it short.

i've been telling maryam that we're gonna start our exercise routine today. i hope it work out. i mean, i have a totally different schedule than her. i have to help out in my mom's shop. she have to help out in her mom's shop or taking care of the household stuff. i've gain so much weight. i'm gonna be an ugly fatty bimbo soon. well, maybe i'm already there. my jeans cant fit anymore. damn it! i love those jeans. i wanna be able to wear them once again. ok just gimme some time and i'll be able to do that real soon. i promise to myself. lol... Yam if you're reading this, i need your HELP! lol... i wanna look great by the time Tiqah land here in Malaysia.

speaking of her, she did call me from Bangalore. it's kinda cheap to call Malaysia. if i'm not mistaken, she told me it's about 20 cents per minute. that's even cheaper than calling local operator. we talk quite a lot that night. i'm so glad that she called. at least i know there's someone out there in another part of the world actually believe in my capabilities. god, i miss her. i miss cakes and coffee session with her. i miss the "arguing" which guy is hot with her. i miss being confused with her in the BIG mall of MidValley. i miss watching movies with her, movie that only both of us ended up understand while others are in complete blurr. thank god she's coming back sometime July or August. i've been waiting for that moment. having coffee in Dome - our official fav coffee house - while gossiping bout everything, updating each other's life and talk crap bout future. yes, we do dreams to travel around the world together. just us, girls. we even plan to buy our first LV bag together, with our own salary. not supplied by mom or dad or BF or whatever that affiliates with the word BF. well, that's us. i'm glad that Tiqah is actually halfway there through her dreams. yeah, i'm stuck here but i'll work it out. maybe buy a lottery that worth 89k???

Endy, i've talk so much today. let me dismiss you from reading. have a beautiful day. bye!

soon-to-be birthday girl,

Tash