21 is a slow year...

time: 8:23 a.m.
venue: home
mood: EXTREMELY bored.
currently: Feeling like i wanna talk to you.

Endy,
yes, 21 is really a lonely year for me. feels like i'm out of my track. used to have lots of friend. used to have lots of party to attend to. used to have lots of girlfriend night out. WHATEVER happen to all that?? YES.. this is all my choice. to change my path of life. to stop making late night friends. to avoid all of my college-mates. to stop contacting every single georgian. to stop calling everyone that used to know me. i even deleted my phone list. yes, the whole 327 people, except mom, dad, maryam, my beloved and tiqah. yeah... this top 5 people in my life. 

WHY? because i dont want to face their question when we meet up. their regular question is "how's studies?", "how's degree?", "you must be fantastic in class!", "what you gonna do after degree? master?" and all sort of college stuff. man, i'm telling you, i dont have answer to any of those. WHY? because i'm not even in college. i cant face them and tell them i didnt accept the offer for degree. i mean, i'm a bright girl in college. i even argue over lecturer's capabilities of teaching and i doubt that they're smart enough to have that power of teaching. everybody will wonder why did i drop out of college. why? why? why? 

i dont want anybody to feel sorry for me. so, to all my friend, i'm sorry that i deleted you guys on my list. i just needed some space. i need new environment. i'm really thinking of moving somewhere. start a new life where nobody knows me. it's really exciting because i could meet new people and have new perspective bout life and forget bout my degree. god damn it. it really hurts to be left out. to be frank, i dont believe in the power of education no more. i really dont. ok, lets re=programme my brain. MONEY IS EVERYTHING. and yes, i mean it. money brought my family down. money force me to break up with someone. money is the reason why i'm a dumb ass now. get it? so the key point here is... i dont need education. all i need is money. 

ok enough bout that pathetic thoughts. what happen to me since i last write? well, nothing much. i celebrate my birthday with friends. just a simple lunch with lots of gossip. i wear a nice blue pattern dress. my parents bought me a chocolate cake, which they dont know, i dont really like chocolate. they're too busy with work than to understand their daughter, maybe. lots of email, messages, phone call, YM, and MSN wishes. which i dont really pay attention to. sorry people. just being gloomy. i'm fine now.

next day, i went to Gurney with Amir, have lunch before i drop him at the ferry station. i was blurrr what's for lunch. we walk in and out, finally got ourselves stuck at Chilis which is right at the entrance. then i went to my mom's shop. have to settle up some work. waited till 9, then i left. my mom asked me to go to "pasar malam" (sort of a market at night, sells food, mostly) to find her a nice soya bean drinks. walk through the whole place, still cant get one, so, got fed up and went back home and apologize to my mom. 

i was sick yesterday and i slept the whole day. mom vag at me for being lazy the whole day, without noticing that i'm actually sick. dont want to tell her anyway. i'm on my own now. i'm a big girl, remember? i can even change my religion if i want to. 21 is a big number. this is the year i've been waiting for, actually. i've already dream bout it. at the age of 21, i should now be in my 5th semester of degree. 2nd year of degree. ohh shit... i'm back to the same topic. Endy please shut down my brain!

ok i gotta feel good bout myself now. i gotta do something. get a decent cloth. put up some make up. go out for a walk or something. ok... i'll talk to you soon. take care Endy.

P/s: to my dearest, i'm waiting for your call!

miss my life,
tash