Going through life, accepting the reality!

time: 6.30 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: don't ask!
currently: listening to lots and lots of Michael Buble and Tony Bennett.

Endy,
sometimes i believe songs actually heals a broken heart. yes, i broke my heart. it's painful. how i wish this is all just a dream. i kept telling myself, this is just a dream. just a bad dream. nightmare. wake up, tash. wake up.

but i know, that's just useless. no matter what i do to deny the reality, i still have to go through it. it hurts, but that's the fact. I CAN'T PURSUE MY DEGREE. ok, Mr. Brainy, i got it. it's stuck in my head now. so what i've been doing for this 2 days??? first thing i did is of course write to you. second, i told all of my besties, except for Sharon. she'll know soon. third, i browse for jobs online and fourth, i get into bed and sleep my thoughts and worries away. yes, i'm chicken, for not accepting the reality. it's not that i'm not accepting, but i need time to accept it.

today, i woke up around 8 and i woke up with another spirit. i've save my mental yesterday. if i think too much, i'll explode i guess. maybe be crazy? so, at least now i'm stable and i'm able to think and plan. yes, PLAN! again! all my life, i've been failing to achieve my plans, and again, i think of another plan. sometimes, it's funny to think about it. i could be sad at a time and it could all change in a blink of an eye. now, i'm planning to work and get my own fundings for my degree. i called one company yesterday and they ask me to come on Friday, 10 a.m. this is just a part time job but i'm looking forward to it.

i asked around yesterday. few of my friend offered to help out. they promise they will ask few of their friends. yes, this is the time where i needed friends the most, and they never failed me. one thing i have in life that i wont give in for anything is a FRIEND. thank you guys. it mean a lot for me. maybe this is the valuable gift that god gave me. for some reason, i have lotsa besties, and lotsa kinda people around me, called friend. and yes, when i say a lot, i do mean a lot. maybe because i'm a talkative person, or maybe it's just because i'm nice by nature. lol...

ok, what did i do on thursday... i make a deal with Maryam to go out. three of us, Maryam, Medo and i, went to Subway, AGAIN, for lunch. we're so addicted to the parmesan oregon bread. then we drop off Medo in APITT before heading to Midvalley. poor him, having class while we're having fun! hehehe... anyways, i dont even talk about it today. nothing bout degree today. yes, i've manage to buried the word degree deep in my heart. keep it there to be taken out one day. but, i still refuse to erase the "student" title from my shoulder. i'm still going to study. study? yes. study. lets finish up the Mid story first ok? i really have this bad habit of getting out of topic. writers out there, any tips for me? oppss... see?? again, out of topic.

well, we didnt do anything much there. all i do today is EAT! yes, i ate a lot today. we went to SweetChat and ordered Baked rice with cream sauce and triple treat. it was delicious! prefect! then, i ordered Sago pudding for dessert and Maryam ordered some durian thingy for hers. ok, if there's one thing i won't eat in this world, first in the list is DURIAN! but the weird thing is, i eat tempoyak a.k.a. Durian paste. but of course i eat the one mixed with something else. anyways, i'm a Perakian, can't run away from this food! lol...

for some reason, my feet decided to ache up today. my toe were all swollen and red. so, we walk up and down, hunting for a flip-flop. yeah.. the most comfortable footwear, my very own personal favourite is FLIP-FLOP! what a relieve after i change into flip-flop. i chuck off the wedgy ballerina into the plastic and walk happily. we were wandering around and have really nothing to do there. no point staying there anymore. so i suggested that we head to OldTown in South Bangsar, again, my very own personal fav branch of OldTown.

i ordered tom yam mee hoon with crabstick and Maryam ordered nasi lemak with something. i've forgotten. lol.. for some reason, i forgot the food name which is weird because i actually memorize OldTown menu, including the numbering. why? i dont know. it just happen. we eat and eat and talk and talk and talk (can you pronounce this word out without looking twice? lol... tongue twist). we chill there for few hours. i was planning to order more but i wasnt in the mood. yes, we are the queen of eating. that explains my bloated tummy. lol...

anyways, i'm having interview today. i dont know why. i've never been scared or nervous for interview. i'm cool with it. i take it as if i'm talking to an old friend. so, i didnt really prepare anything. what to prepare for this part time job anyway. i bet you that the interviewee wont even ask more than 10 questions! lol... every question is predicted. ok, tash. dont be so sure bout it. cool off, cool off.

Endy,
today i'm back to myself. i'm glad that i'm fine. now i just need to worry for a living. this, i can survive. why did i apply for a part time job? because for me, looking for a permanent designer job is tougher. so, while i look for the one suits my heart, i need a back up plan, so that i wont starve! i'm planning to look for a job in TPM. lots of company in there. but, the thing is, i'm not confident with myself. i believe there's lots of thing that i dont know. am i really ready to face the working world? if not, i can just work as something else first. i need to brush up my skills in designing. trust me, a diploma is really a shit! it's true what Alex, my mom's friend, said the diploma, you can use it as toilet paper. err... i might consider that, Alex! lol...

all i know is... a diploma is just a stepping stone to a real education. just like A-level, foundation, STPM, bla bla bla... it's a piece of shit if you didnt further. because, you will choose your specialization in degree. like me, i was planning to choose Multimedia Design in TOA. so, since i didnt manage to get in, i'm left with no choice, but to hang on this fragile certification of mine. you know what do i feel now? i feel like i'm the lowest class of people now. i've always believe education is the best ruler of someone. yeah, even though kind-hearted and some other stuff do counts. i'm talking here, like, how to differentiate people. i treat people differently. i admit that.

i adore those who's successful and respect them a lot. yes, people who dont go to University does lead a nice life with a nice job and position. i know that for i have a very good example at home, my mom. but i just have a thing for educated people. i dont know how to explain this. it's just that when you mix around with different people, your perspective of thinking seems to varies. anybody out there can help me to explain this? shit, i'm so bad in explaining stuff!

ok back to my stuff... i'm planning to apply for graphic or web designer job. animation? errr... i dont really like it. especially 3D animation which kills me in semester 6. sometimes i think i'm better in programming than my own multimedia subject. i feel like i catch up with my programming and database subject easily than my multimedia stuff. what does that mean??? err... a challenge to be better? lol...

oh ya... i've almost forgotten about the student thingy. i'm planning to learn French once again. a friend of mine, Mandy, is studying in the language center in ss15. she's learning Japanese there. she says it's good. well, let me try my luck. i want to brush up that language. maybe it will bring to my advantage one day. oh ya, i need to learn arabic too! ok, i'm telling you arabic is really hard to learn. but i will try my best. i believe i can! just need some guide and lots of practice. i've got my very own personal teacher anyway, MEDO! haha...

so in few years...

je sais un peu de français

and

أعرف قليلا من العربية

p/s: is it correct Medo?

je survivrai,
tash