Heart to Heart with Jack

I know i'm not suppose to write this here.
But for the sake of remembering this event.
I'm gonna share it here with you guys.
Here it goes.


I had a fight with Jack.
A big fight, that could end our relation.


Reason?
I don't know.
I thought that he changed. 
He thought that I changed.


I have an instinct.
I damn strong one.
Saying that he's hiding something.
Saying that he's up to something.


How?
I don't know.
I can't explain.
It's just my instinct.


Being us, we decided to talk.
and we did, yesterday morning.
We talked, we argued, we discussed.
and, we RECONCILE.


Yes we're fine now.
Just one thing bothering me.
One thing that Jack said to me.
Which totally slaps me into reality.


Imran had been such a great influence in my life.
That I actually feel down whenever something happens.


But with Jack, i just feel stress-out and pissed.
All i wanted is to get out of the trouble and forget it.


Jack made me realize that our relationship is so different.
That i can't never love him the way i love Imran.


NEVER.
Because he is who he is.


I've been talking bout a level.
A very high level of True Love.
I believe that Ace and Jack will be there.
One fine day. Not never. Just not now.


So, here we are.
Back to square one.
Except, things changed.
Now, I love him more.
and he loves me more.


Jack,
I hope we will survive this relationship.
Because I know that I love you so much.
I don't want any other guy in my life.
I just want you.
Only you.

Your Ace.

A letter from mom and dad.

I love you, mama and abah. I promise to be there for you, till your last breath. No matter how old i will be, i am always your LITTLE GIRL. you can always talk to me, like how we used to be, and how we are now. My mama and abah is my best friend. they're the first thing i think of in my every steps.

WATCH THIS VIDEO

Tasha Leow

Aku lagi best dari ang ok!

WARNING: This is a hatred entry. So, expect me to be snobbish and rude. Aku tadak niat nak menghina sapa2, kecuali pompuan gila tu. So, angpa yg len2 toksah dok buat terasa. mau penampaq ka?

Tadi aku terbukak pic kawan yang aku agak menyampah la. Well, kami tak la sampai tahap bergaduh. but, mmg nampak la dia tak suka aku, and aku pun tak suka dia. Aku sendiri pun tatau pasaipa dia mmg anti dgn aku. padahal aku mmg ok dgn dia. Tapi sejak dia menghina aku, SORRY la kan. mmg aku pangkah la betina ni.

Well, she's the type yg aku nak golongkan into 3 type of people:

1 - Settle with just an ordinary life.

2 - Thinks that she had the perfect life.

3 - Look down on others.

Ok, number 1 tu aku tak kisah sgt. definition of "happy" tu memang la sgt2 wide. very various. tapi for a belagak person like her, why do you just settle with ordinary? why didnt strive for the best? orang yg kononnya nak pakai sports car, buy houses in places like bukit antarabangsa and such.... why didnt i see the sparkle in your life? why just ordinary? well, selama ni pun dia dok kritik aku. 

dia kondem brand2 yg aku pakai. not that aku peduli pun. baju RM10 pun aku pakai kalau aku suka. pasar malam pun aku pi. aku kira pa. tak percaya, pi tanya Cik Hasnas Jafri, my bff. kami pi pasar malam nak beli bihun sup sedap tu, tp on the way, nampak kedai jual earring. kami boleh pi stop, beli earring yg super cute, harga RM1 ja per pair. see, i'm not a brand victim. aku pakai apa aku nak. i dont give a heck bout brands. 

Yes, aku gila Charles & Keith wedges, Christine Louboutin stilettos, Ferragamo handbag, Coach wristlet, Estee Lauder makeup, and bla bla bla. whatever shit it is la kan. aku mmg ada certain brand yg aku akan beli certain item. sebab aku rasa design dia sgt catchy. sesuai dgn jiwa aku. tp yg aku tak paham, pasaipa pompuan ni nak kepoh2 hal aku? Aku tau aku suka fashion and aku tau aku fashionable (walaupun kadang2 aku pakai benda pelik2). pompuan ni plak just pakai blouse makcik2, and beggie jeans yg aku tatau zaman bila punya dia pakai. 

in short, she's trying to compare herself with me! aku tak heran pun. whatever la kan. like i care. pompuan ni dah la pendek dari aku. ok, aku 5' 3" which is sgt short, coz most my my girls mmg 5' 7". imagine that girl, i guess she's about 5' ja kot. oh ya, she's like 80kg, which is super fat! she had oily face, uneven skin tone, BLACK HEADS!, and paired up with an ugly smile. I didnt see how is she suppose to compare with me? Even aku yg buruk ni pun cakap dia buruk. OMG. tak bley blah ok spesies mcm ni. 

Wait, lets compare.

Aku Graphic Designer

Hang Clerk

Aku grad Sunway University

Hang drop out of some cheap college

Aku berkawan dgn future doc, future lawyer, future tourism expert, future bla bla bla bla.

Hang.......TADAK KAWAN!

Aku baju saiz M

Hang saiz XXL?

Aku makeup sgt vouge

Hang makeup makcik2 (sumpah aku nak tergelak tgk eyeshadow tak blend ang)

Aku akan sambung study

Hang duduk rumah tak buat apa

Aku akan start career aku

Hang duduk rumah tak buat apa

Aku akan succeed dlm hidup

Hang STILL duduk rumah tak buat apa

EXCEPT ang akan cuba compare diri ang dgn aku

try your best to make me look bad in your eyes

and ended up and sendiri yg bodoh!

kan kan kan?

P/s: Jack, if we ever got married, she'll be on my VIP list. I really wanted to rub her face with my Tiffany! It's a dream come true moment!

P/s/s: Maryam sah2 tau aku tgh ckp pasai sapa! wakakakak.

Wishes

Happy Birthday, to a guy i used to love.

Imran Quadir.

May God bless you with a beautiful life.
Because, you deserve just the best in life.
You taught me the precious meaning of love.
You've shown me such care and tender.
You've been such an amazing person.
I've never been happier in my life.
And I will never be.


We might not belong together.
Deep inside us, we're fighting the urge.
The desire of wanting each other so badly.
The desire of missing each other so badly.
The piece of every precious moment we had.


The thing between us, called chemistry.
We're seriously perfect. So perfect.
That others envy us so much.
Wishing that they have what we had.


I am sorry.
I will never turn back.
As I belong to someone else now.
Someone who has been so amazing to me.
His name is Jack. My one and only Jack. 


Jack, I love you.
No one can deny that.
No one can change that.
No one will ever understand that.


Just you and me.
Cherishing our love.
Now and forever.


I believe in you.
Because I love you.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha Everyone

I'm yours, Jack,

Natasha

I love my blog - Part I

For those out there, who owns a blog, a journal, or anything like that, this entry is dedicated to you guys. 


Ok, i'm facing  a case right here. i talk to one of my good friend on the net last night. she's a fun amazing girl. well, i hope she won't mind me writing bout her case here. just to share experience. She told me that she just deleted her blog, her 4 years blog. personally, i love her writing and i love that blog. never missed an entry. it's a personal blog, so she blog bout whatever happens around her. including the guy she had crush on, what she ate, family issue, yada yada yada. you know what i mean, right? 

So, i was shocked. For me, to delete something that you work on dedicatedly, for a few years, is just insane. Yes, for some of us out there, it's just a blog. something you put on the net. that's all. for me, well, i guess, for MOST bloggers, our blog is one of our most treasured treasure. Yeah, what the heck, i just write shits here, gossip bout my friend, talk shit bout my enemy, blabber bout my fashion sense, stuff i like, my Jack, and some other unimportant stuff. i think, even though what i write is junk, i still love this blog. the place where i express myself, be honest, totally honest, and learn more bout myself. trust me, i find it fun, reading on my own journal. thinking, how silly i was, back then. of course, learning from mistakes, day by day. 

Well, the reason why she deleted her blog was, she thinks that she can no more be herself there. she can no more write flawlessly. she can't be honest bout her feelings, she can't write some stuff and she have to think twice before writing anything there. Reason? Because the guy she love the most, is stalking her blog, and questioning every single piece she write there. questions like, "Why do you write that?", "Why do you do that?", "why do you think like that?" and etc. this is so frustrating. even for me. i've been through that. it feels like shit. i was like, "WTF, this is my freaking blog!". this is how i feel, deal with it. trust me, i've reach that moment, where i can no longer be myself in my blog. it's such a turn off for me. i don't know what to write. so, i decided just not to write, which is another frustrating case, because i love to write, even though i sucks in writing. i know, nobody gonna read my piece of junk here, but hey, i love this blog. deal with it. 

Ok, a piece of advice for you guys/girls out there. if your man/woman owns a blog, try to read her blog with an open mind. treat yourself as one of the reader, not as their bf/gf. of course, you can question us bout anything that we write in the blog, but please be careful with your words and tone. words could be harmful, tone could make it worst. don't make us feel pressured writing. we're just having fun, sharing our piece of mind right here. nothing much. one more thing, when we write something here, please don't take it too seriously. like, when i tell you guys, i hate my mom. well, that's just a 5 minutes moment of my life. shits happen. we all have our boiling point, and i'm not ashamed to admit that my boiling point is very low. i can reach there very fast. so, don't trigger it. be smart, like my Jack. he knows how to deal with me, even when i'm angry. 

All I want to do, is write, and, maybe, 20 years from now, read this blog through, before i die, thinking of years of my life. At least, there's a prove that Tasha Leow was once there in everyone's life. This blog, is a living prove. Trust me, you'll treasure this junk, one fine day. Cheers to all writers around the world. I SALUTE you guys. Never ever give up people. Don't stop writing, because, there's someone out there reading!

P/s: She retrieved her blog, and she never felt better. Never give up, babe! I'm with you.

P/s/s: I have a dream of registering for copywrights in the name of Tasha Leow, one fine day.

P/s/s/s: Wait for Part II of this issue. Gonna post it later, at night.

Blogger since August 2006,

Tasha Leow

Again....

.... ade saje la korang2 ni dtg menyempit. wakakakaak. tak boleh tgk org senang 5 minit ka??? 

Ace Heart

Statement...

aku bosan pagi-pagi ni.

so just bloghopping je la.

tiba-tiba sorang kawan lama, 

rasanya last jumpa dia 2005,

PM aku kat Facebook.

sembang punya sembang,

dia cakap dia nak single.

aku rasa dia mcm takut.

aku klua satu statement.

"satu hari nanti ang akan jumpa org tu"

Dia diam. aku tambah lagi statement.

"love is beautiful"

Diam lagi.

so aku tambah lagi satu statement.

rasanya ultimate la kot statement ni.

ke statement ni sebab aku tgh in love dgn Jack?

"bagi aku la kan.... tak sempurna hidup takde cinta."

warhhhhhhhhh statement aku!!! 

betul ke weh ape aku ckp ni?

lain gile aku skang ni!

DAMN.

mcm boleh mati lak takde cinta kan? 

adeh, apa nak jadi ko ni tasha?

btw, minah tu tak reply terussssssss!

mungkin dia terkejut dgn aku.

pompuan heartless yg dia kenai dulu,

dah berubah tahap kaw punya.

(In memories, 2 Nilam 2002, budak duduk sebelah aku, kena kantoi dgn Miss Lee. Nanti aku cerita!)

P/s: zaman skolah dulu, aku budak paling jahat skali. sampai skarang kalau cikgu-cikgu jumpa aku, depa nanti senyum panjang. pastu cerita kat student-student depa, ni student paling gila depa penah jumpa. demerit aku bersepah-sepah. boyfriend? sorry tak layan! (except for Nick). tu pun sembang aku hang dgn dia. damn. dlm kepala otak aku, nak blah class, nak lepak jamming, nak lari dari rumah. kesian mak bapak aku. ish ish ish.

Masa form 2 angpa panggil aku,

DevilTash

30 Perkara Perempuan...

Well, aku suka benda ni. si Safiza share kat wall FB. I think most of it are true ;)

Let's compare.

1. Bila sorang wanita mengatakan dia sedang bersedih,tetapi dia tidak menitiskan airmata,itu bermakna dia sedang menangis di dalam hatinya. 

 [not me. aku jenis tak bagitau terus aku sedih. simpan sorang lagi bagus.]

2. Bila dia tidak menghiraukan kamu selepas kamu menyakiti hatinya, lebih baik kamu beri dia masa untuk menenangkan hatinya semula sebelum kamu menegur dengan ucapan maaf. 

 [phew... this is soooooooo TASHA! aku benci org kacau aku bila aku tgh angin. pi dok jauh2.]

3. Wanita sukar nak cari benda yang dia benci tentang orang yang paling dia sayang (sebab itu ramai wanita yang patah hati bila hubungan itu putus di tengah jalan). 

[true. even if 100 people ckp benda tu betul, we'll always be in denial. hoping that our man is just not the way they describe him. what a fool kan?] 

4. Sekiranya sorang wanita jatuh cinta dengan sorang lelaki, lelaki itu akan sentiasa ada di fikirannya walaupun ketika dia sedang keluar dengan lelaki lain. 

[mestilah. klua dgn my boys, my Jack is still in my head.] 

5. Bila lelaki yang dia suka dan cinta merenung tajam ke dalam matanya, dia akan cair seperti coklat!! 

[erghhh not me kot? i will fight back.] 

6. Wanita memang sukakan pujian tetapi selalu tidak tau macam mana nak menerima pujian. 

[sumpah, aku tak suka. aku rasa benda tu fake. because i know myself very well. aku tak perlu org utk bagitau aku.] 

7. Jika kamu tidak suka dengan gadis yang sukakan kamu separuh mati,tolak cintanya dengan lembut,jangan berkasar sebab ada satu semangat dalam diri wanita yang kamu tak akan tahu bila dia dah buat keputusan,dia akan lakukan apa saja. 

[true on most girls. definitely not me. ko tak suka aku, ko nye pasal. aku carik lain.] 

8. Sekiranya sorang gadis mula menjauhkan diri darimu selepas kamu tolak cintanya,biarkan dia untuk seketika.Sekiranya kamu masih ingin menganggap dia sorang kawan,cubalah tegur dia perlahan-lahan. 

 [again not me. btw, aku tak pernah confess kat sapa2 pun. so aku tatau benda ni sgt]

9. Wanita suka meluahkan apa yang mereka rasa.Muzik,puisi,lukisan dan tulisan adalah cara termudah mereka meluahkan isi hati mereka. 

[oh yes. so true. i write here, i have a thick notebook of poem, and aku pun melukis. yes, i can draw, perfectly.] 

10. Jangan sesekali beritahu perempuan yang mereka ni lansung tak berguna. 

[try bagitau aku tgk. kalau ang tak balik kaki senget, dont call me tasha!] 

11. Bersikap terlalu serius boleh mematikan mood wanita. 

[nope, it turns me on! yehaaaa. men looks hot when they're serious.] 

12. Bila pertama kali lelaki yang dicintainya dalam diam memberikan respon positif,misalnya menghubunginya melalui telefon,si gadis akan bersikap acuh tak acuh seolah-olah tidak berminat,tetapi sebaik saja ganggang diletakkan,dia akanmenjerit kesukaan dan tak sampai sepuluh minit,semua rakan-rakannya akan tahu berita tersebut. 

[yeah, benda ni penah jadi masa aku dgn imran. muka buat relek je. padahal balik umah melompat2 dgn emi & maryam. waakakakakaka.]

13. Sekuntum senyuman memberi seribu erti bagi wanita.Jadi jangan senyum sebarangan. 

 [ntah, aku tak pernah perasan lak benda ni.]

14. Jika kamu menyukai sorang wanita,cubalah mulakan denganpersahabatan.Kemudian biarkan dia mengenalimu dengan lebih mendalam. 

[hell no!!! BIG NO for me. aku benci kapel dgn kawan.] 

15. Jika sorang wanita memberi seribu satu alasan setiap kali kamu ajak keluar,tinggalkan dia sebab dia memang tak berminat denganmu. 

 [tak jugak. aku reject imran 7 kali sebelum aku betul2 klua on date. wakakakak. kesian budak tu.]

16. Tetapi jika dalam masa yang sama dia menghubungimu atau menunggu panggilan darimu,teruskan usahamu untuk memikatnya. 

[maybe dia just menggedik kot pompuan tu? ish..] 

17. Jangan sesekali mengagak apa yang dirasakannya.Tanya dia sendiri!! 

[i think my Jack knows this. nak tau apa2 takyah teka2 takyah tanya org lain, DIRECT je!] 

18. Selepas sorang gadis jatuh cinta,dia akan sering tertanya-tanya kenapalah aku tak jumpa lelaki ini lebih awal.  

 [no lah. benda ni back to basic. back to qada' and qadar.]

19. Kalau kamu masih tercari-cari cara yang paling romantik untuk memikat hati sorang gadis,cubalah rajin-rajinkan tangan menyelak buku-buku cinta. 

[euwww...OMG so typical. takyah la bro. ko direct je lagi bagus kot. tak semua pompuan layan ayat2 ni.] 

20. Bila setiap kali gambar kelas keluar,benda pertama yang dicari oleh wanita ialah siapa yang berdiri di sebelah buah hatinya, kemudian barulah dirinya sendiri. 

[ni zaman budak skolah ke ape ni? even back in college, i never bothered who dance with my guy kat any party. aku ni pelik kot?] 

21. Bekas teman lelaki akan sentiasa ada di fikirannya tetapi lelaki yang dicintainya sekarang akan berada di tempat teristimewa iaitu di hatinya!! 

[yes, he will always be here in my head. tp you're my number one, Jack] 

 22. Satu ucapan 'Hi/Assalamualaikum' sahaja sudah cukup menceriakan harinya. 

[yes true. even a simple sms. trust me, we women will just smile one whole day for that.] 

23. Teman baiknya saja yang tahu apa yang sedang dia rasa dan lalui. 

[pergh... kalau pi interview maryam pasal aku, dia boleh buat buku berjilid. wakakakak.] 

24. Wanita paling benci lelaki yang berbaik-baik dengan mereka semata-mata nak tackle kawan mereka yang paling cantik. 

 [aku tau la kawan2 aku hot, aku buruk, jgn la angpa mai buat baik dgn aku sebab nak ngorat depa. sumpah tak dpt. kami semua TAKEN ok!]

25. Cinta bermaksud kesetiaan, ambil berat, jujur dan kebahagiaan tanpa sebarang kompromi. 

[me and Jack, we hold strong on TRUST. we trust each other so much. yg lain2 tak kisah sgt.] 

26. Semua wanita mahukan sorang lelaki yang cintakan mereka sepenuh hati.. 

[impossible jugak. lelaki ni selalunya distracted. even ade pompuan menggedik tepi dia, kalau dia tak sayang pun, dia akan layan jugak. YES WOMEN, this is the fact bout MAN! so jgn la menggedik dgn hak org. confirm2 la awek dia tak suka. tp kalau bf aku, pegi je la. aku tak kisah. coz i know this fact long time ago. takde effect bagi aku. eh pjg plak komen kat no 26 ni.] 

 27. Senjata wanita adalah airmata!! 

[itu semua accusation lelaki. bagi aku tak kot. tears tu satu benda yg honest. shows our feelings. ape ingat pompuan ni suka2 nak nangis. bengap ke ko ni?] 

28. Wanita suka jika sesekali orang yang disayanginya mengadakan surprisebuatnya  (hadiah,bunga atau sekadar kad ucapan romantis). Mereka akan rasa terharu dan merasakan bahawa dirinya dicintai setulus hati. Dengan i! ni dia tak akan ragu-ragu terhadapmu. 

[Kalau couple lelaki melayu susah kot nak dpt benda2 ni? wakakakaka. well, from my experience la kan. i dated foreigners, and i think they're such a bomb! sometimes pegi kelas, on your fav table kat lecture hall, ade post-it notes, saying i miss u. wakakakaak. malay man, aku tak penah nampak lagi kot.] 

29. Wanita mudah jatuh hati pada lelaki yang ambil berat tentang mereka dan baik terhadapnya. So,kalau nak memikat wanita pandai-pandailah... 

[tak jugak. most friends ambik berat gak ape? so jgn salah faham la.] 

30. Sebenarnya mudah mengambil hati wanita kerana apa yang dia mahu hanyalah perasaan dicintai dan disayangi sepenuh jiwa. 

[again women, aku dah tak larat nak ckp. man can never love you 100%. they're always distracted by other things. you have to settle down just by 90% of love. lagi 10% tatau pi mana. tanya dia. different guy, different answer. for my Jack, lagi 10% goes to his movies, poker, and friends. LOL.]

ok, settle. bukan nak suruh angpa paham aku. just nak emphasize that not all of us WOMEN are the same.  well, i know it's kinda impossible to understand us, but at least, give it your best shot. we just need a lil of your attention, that's all.

tasha leow

Nak bercinta pun susah ke?

Melita jahat! 

aku baru nak mengada-ada dgn Jack. 

Adeh. Abeh semua komen dia like. 

Mangkok toi pompuan ni. 

Nak layan jiwa skit pun susah. adeh.

Ace Heart