Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Am i suppose to be down or happy?

Time: 4:02 a.m.
Venue: My room
Mood: Fucked up!
Condition: blurr bout myself, my feelings and my crush!
Currently: Thinking of someone!

I'll be dating someone tomorrow... well... can be counted as today since it's already 4.05 a.m. i'm feeling a bit blurr and sad... so i decided to write it here... i dont know is it me being down as usual or is it because of someone... i just cant predict myself... earlier this week, Michelle, one of my college-mate added me here in 360... until today, i didnt know that she actually wrote a blog here... am i the one who influence her?? haha.. i dont know... well, she have about 14 post... i read from the beginning and i saw one blog titled Networking(20/6/2007) posted on Thursday June 21, 2007 - 12:30pm (PDT). i read through that blog and she mentioned bout Imran... well... you can read it yourself... i already link it to her blog... she says that she have a secret between her and Imran and whatsoever... hurm... i never tell anybody bout our relationship... why must he tell michelle bout it??? i dont want to tell anybody... we broke up anyway... now, even my girls are pissed... they think that i dont deserve to be treated like this... well... not only bout the blog anyway... why the hell did i read her blog??? damn it... i'm trying so hard to forget him... why should i wait??? am i that stupid??? why should i long for someone who dont even care bout me??? so many guys out there...

phew... i told you just now that i'm having a date tomorrow right?? well... i dont know either i should cancel it or just go... i dont want to show my idiotic face to my date... he deserve to be treated nicely... he's a nice guy anyway... dont waste his time! but i just feel down today... i'm sick... i'm angry with myself... why cant i move on??? it's obvious that he just dont care! i'm so fucking stuck here!! and one thing that i dont like is... Michelle told him that i'm deeply in love with him... i dont know why she said that... well i dont blame her... it's obvious anyway.... i was not being myself for teh past few months... i was down.. i didnt talk much... i was not being myself... anybody could sense that... it's just that people dont know what's going on!

i'm never gonna tell people how stupid am i waiting for someone who dont even care bout me! this is one of the biggest failure in life that i should keep deep inside my heart and never never repeat it again... this week i rejected 2 of my dates... i sound so harsh on them... but i cant help it... they're being to pushy... i'm sorry guys... it's just me being honest! i cant accept anybody who i dont love... love is one big deal for me!

hurm... Endy... let me finish reading Michelle's blog first... then maybe i'll continue writing to you if i'm not too sleepy! ok??? oh... i have to read Mei Phing's blog too! heheheh... i like her blog!!! be right back!

I miss him,

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