Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Memories versus hates!

Time: 9:45 a.m.
Venue: My room
Mood: Pissed? Sad? only god knows...
Condition: Seriously... i dont know!
Currently: Thinking and reminiscing every single memories!

Endy,
phew... first of all... sorry for not updating here for a longggggggg time... i was seriously busy... i woke up early today... i came back from penang yesterday night.... then went to AC with Emi... hurm... she told me few things.... one of the thing is... Imran is coming to Malaysia... well... to meet his girlfriend here in Malaysia... one thing that i'm not satisfied with.... he told her that he's gonna explain everything to me in front of his girlfriend... well... you tell me! what's his point anyway? between us, there's a big gap and it's over... i knew that... i have a clear picture of that... no point of you explaining... IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND.... she dont even know me anyway... i have my own life now... do i ever disturb you, Imran? no right? so.... why dont you leave me alone... i never question you anything after that message i sent...

New chapter in my life have yet to get started... i'm happy with what i have now... yes... i'm still stuck with memories... but that doesnt give anyone the right to fool around with me... dont mess with me... i'm just the real Tasha once again... let's get real... face the world realisticly... after all this while, we never heard anything from him... no messages, no contact... nothing... well... i dont stop anyone from being with him... Emi told me that they're gonna meet him once he's here... well girls... dont feel hesitate to go... he's your friend anyway... no harm of meeting friends.... just dont mention anything bout me in front of him... he's having a beautiful life now... and that's what i want... i dont keep any bad memories with him... so, i do think that he deserve the best for his life... i've told you girls that i value nothing in his life... that's not his fault anyway... i'm the one who's stupid that can't read that from the beginning.... i should've read that earlier.... Endy, how stupid am i for not realizing the fact that i value nothing??? Nick was right... nobody could ever love me as much as he did... i could dare me with that... and yes... i could see that now... a very caring gentleman... yet a great friend! i've never met a person who cares that much about me, even after i broke up with him... i do respect you for that, Nick... not much people will have that kinda respect from me....

actually, i have so much to tell you... of what happen during the holiday which i enjoy to the max! then about my feelings and daily life.... well... today... my class start at 1.30... so i have plenty of time to get ready and all... right now... i just wanna sit down and think bout everything carefully... i chat with James yesterday night... he sound quite upset with my decision... i still can't accept him... i never did... he's a nice guy... but he's just not there in my heart.... he went offline all of the sudden... maybe he was mad at me... yeah... my mistake... i hurt someone!! that's bad! i know how it feel to be left behind... i'm so sorry James... i'm really am... i know i'm useless... to live my life everyday by reminiscing memories... i'm just stuck with my past... that's what i'm trying to fix right now... i'm living with memories and i hate it...

well... i have one good news for you and me.... i have a crush with this one guy... well... cant tell who because he's one of my frequent reader... hahahaa.... maybe i'll tell you once we're official... we're kinda dating each other... the best thing bout him is... he's exactly like me... he dont care if i have 100 guys with me of whatever... he said that he believe in competition... sounds familiar to you? yeah... that's me... i dont care if that guy have 100 girls... i do believe in competition... anyway... remember my favourite quote? if you love something, set it free... if it comes back, it's yours... if not, it was not meant to be... hehe... but i believe he's mine! hahahaahahaha.... there's no competition! oppss... Tasha is back right? with her high level of confidence! hahaha... phew... i miss myself! 70% of me are back... just need to pull the other 30%! i miss the old me... now, there's no such thing as loyalty... hehe.. well, it's ok if he wanted to be loyal to me... hehe...

hurm... another guy was upset yesterday night.... i was suppose to have a date with him... he had been planning and waiting for the date since last week... i cancelled it yesterday and he sounds mad... i'm sorry... i just dont have the mood to flirt... haha... i played pool for 2 hours yesterday... it was quite fun after 2 weeks of not playing... my game are miserable yesterday... haahhaha.... well... i wasn't concentrating anyway... i was busy checking out this guy... he's hot but too bad... he have a girl with him... haha... well... checking out doesnt give me any harm right??? hahahaha....

oh... i almost forgot... well... how can i forget one of the most important thing??? i perm my hair 2 days before raya... hahaha... i love it! and i change my style now... i dont know how many time do i wanna change my style... and i dont know how long this style gonna last! haha... well... nothing much... i just decided to wear jeans once again.... yes... i mean long pair of jeans.... i look totally different... hahaha... i changes everyone's perspective on me... but still... none of my habit and attitude change! hahahaha.... i might look nice... but i'm still the old TyrantTsarTash! so, dont mess with me... and my man! hahahaha... what's wrong with me today? i thought i was feeling whimsical bout my life just now???? ah... forget it... have a great day today, Tasha!!! go through another phase of life happily... never turn back!

Endy... give me 10 minutes break.... i'll continue later... i have to answer this phone call! hehehe... it's Nick...

hey... sorry... hehehehe... he says hi! i miss him... he's going back to California next week! i called him yesterday... he was drunk when i called him... hahaha... i requested him to stay with me this week... spend time together... then he said he's too dizzy to concentrate on what i'm saying... he said he'll call me once he woke up... and yes he did! hehehehe...Endy... it's almost 11... i'll see you later ok... i have to get ready for class... wanna take my time today!byee...

I still love him,
Natasha Farhana Leow

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