Bestfriend

It's been a while since i last talk to my forever ever bestfriend. I think she's been avoiding me. Well, i guess it is my mistake. I did say something harsh to her, and, i know my apology the other day wasn't enough. I dont know. But what i know now is, I MISS HER SO MUCH. I have so many things that i want to share with her. My happiness, my sadness, my gossips, my life, basically. Have i lost her? I dont know. I really hope that this is not the end of our friendship. It has been a great 8 years of friendship. I still remember each one of us vow to grow old together and not letting anything to go in between our friendship. I tried calling her few times. No answer at all. I posted on her facebook just now. I just hope she will reply it. Coz i just miss her. Really miss her. She's the best friend i ever have. The one who could understand me, even without me explaining things to her. She knows me best. -tasha-

Studying studying dying...

For some reason, the word studying have the word dying in it. lol. oh yes, i am a dedicated student now. yeah, laugh! oh yes, i know you're still laughing. 

Serious shit, i've changed. i'm seriously dedicating my life towards my studies. it's been a week i didnt even get out from my house. i moved in into my new home last friday, and the last time i went out is on saturday! it's been campus-home-campus-home journey for me. i gotta go out!! i dont know either i'm bad in time management or the workload just wont stop. checklist keep piling up and i feel like i'm drowning. 

I'm gonna have lunch with Teri and Jason tomorrow at Seoul Garden. i seriously need to make this happen. i gotta GO OUT! i need it for my sanity. i'm even planning to get stuck at home this weekend to finish up my magazine layout! arghhh i'm going insane. another 2 years of this craziness. 

to parents out there.....

whenever your child want to major in graphic design.... 

STOP THEM.

it's insane!

bye!

Tash

Long Distance Relationship...

...is the toughest shit ever.

oh yeah, trust me it's hard. randomly i google up some keywords and ended up on long distance relationship stuff. well, i spent hours reading the website and i think i'm gonna give it a shot with my man. I do love this man, and, i'm gonna make sure it works. At least, one day, i could look up to myself and say, "I've tried", if things doesn't go well. 

Here's some article that i think every couple out there (who's in long distance relationship) should know.

• How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
• Love Letter
• Long Distance Relationship Activities & Ideas
• 100 Questions
• Online Multiplayer Games for Long Distance Relationship

yeah, LAUGH and call me insane for googling this. Even i am laughing at myself right now. believe it or not, you want to click and read those article. 

AND YES,

YOU CAN THANK ME LATER!

Tash

Gamble?

Life is a gamble,
at least that's what i believe.

Love is always painful,
at least that's what i believe.

I've been hurt, been cheated, been abandoned & been fooled.
But i've never give up on love as i do believe that there's someone out there for me.

No matter how painful the process of looking for the right one,
I'll never ever give up as i believe that Life is a gamble.

I think I am making the right decision.
I think things will work out with the next one.

Even if it doesn't,
I'll learn a new level of pain,
I'll gain a brand new experience of life,
And I'll be much much wiser in choosing my path.

Sayang.

Sayang.
Satu perkataan yang sangat mendalam.


Fikir habis-habis sebelum sebut.
Analisis betul-betul hati dan perasaan.


Benda tu nyata atau sementara?


Jangan sakitkan hati orang.
Jangan bagi janji tak pasti pada orang.


Yang pasti,
Aku belum ready nak sayang sape2 pun. 

Roses.

Komen.

Satu komen yang sangat-sangat touching.

Thanks bro, you made me realize that I have something out of that game after all.

You made me happy.

Morning:
1. Breakfast with you.
2. Went to the beach for a quick smoke with you. Really enjoy the beach *heart*


Afternoon:
1. Lunch with Linda, Syafiq and you.
2. Went to checkout place for your gathering in Batu Feringgi.
3. Tea time with all of you.


Night:
1. Watch MU match with Nisha and you.
2. Watch Carling Cup final with you.


So yes, YOU made me happy.
YOU know who you are.


Thank you.
For being the fantastic you.

A life lesson from Fazlin.

I met an old friend.
Last time i saw her was 12 years ago.
She was recently married to a very nice man.
That man was her classmate back in high school.

From what I've heard...
she doesn't really go through the process of "relationship".
They were casually meeting up and going out as friend. (correct me if i'm wrong)
Decided to get married on 31st December 2011.
Now, she's pregnant.

My observation,
She look happier than ever.
Still being herself, the girl i used to know 12 years ago.
The stories she told me was really really funny.

Yes,
She complaint bout her in-laws, her husband being hopeless-romantic, etc.
But if you see the glow on her face, the endless happiness in her eyes...
There's no words that could elaborate those feelings.

Honestly,
I envy her.
She's lucky.

but... to think of it.
Maybe that is the way?
Stop the relationship crap.
Be casual, and, when the time comes, tie the knot.

P/s: Fazlin, only god knows how happy I am for you. You've found happiness. You've settled down like totally. CONGRATULATIONS! Also, Thank you for opening my eyes, that happiness could be that simple.

Tasha

Day 2.

Day 2...

Finally feeling sad.

I want a hug, like, SERIOUSLY.

Remembering all those memories, beautiful memories, made me cry.

SHIT.

God answered me.

Hurm...

I guess, no more hide and seek game.

God has given me his answer.

And now, I'm torn in every single way.

But hey, at least I MOVE ON!

Love,
Tash

Question?

It's time to seriously make decision.
Question is, what will i decide?
Am i doing the right thing?
I love you, but, it seems that you've lost the spark.

Goodbye???

It's bitter when...

...he doesn't call as much as before.
...he stop paying attention to you, online or offline.
...he talk to other girl more than he talks to you.

I'm done talking. You do the talking now :)

Soul searching...

What is love? Sometimes i wonder. Will it really fade, or true love just doesn't exist, and romeo and juliet stays as fiction. I need answers because from my observation, love is just a bullshit stuff. How do i determine which is right, which is wrong? I need some guidance to look into this matter. Have you ever wonder, where will a relationship leads you to? 

Yes, there's sad and happiness in every relationship. But what if all you see is darkness ahead? do you call it off and start a new one? Or do you just face the facts that no relationship is perfect. We need to work our ass out to make it perfect, to fit in into each other. The question is, if you know that you're no longer happy, why stay? Don't you just get sick of the same process again and again?

Sometimes you just wonder, why the fuck am i here? Arguing, then reconcile, argue again, make up again, had a big fight that both really got fedup of each other, then reconcile. When will this end? If you were in that situation, what is your action? 

Well, from my observation, if i'm in that situation, i'd say that he's no more interested in me. As if he's forced to be with me. The question is, why does he want to continue that relationship when he's already fedup of that girl? Why wait when he's already happy with someone else? that someone already stole his devoted attention, and now, even when he's around, you'll feel like he's just there as a statue. Doesn't really have a function. The feeling is just different. It's like having a cold beverage. You relieves your thirst, but it will never be enough.

The most confusing thing is, why things have to change? Is all men the same? They just made the best effort before they get you, and after that it's all bullshit. Am i too demanding if i want him to treat me the same way he treat me when we first started dating? Is it too much to ask? Is it the rules of universe that men just got fedup after some amount of time in relationship? Does beauty really matter in this case? When time flies, even the most beautiful woman can't keep her man loyal, because his love will just fade. Don't you just think that this is a FACT. not just my two cents of opinion.

Is there such thing as happily ever after? I don't think so. Right now, i sort of believe that love fades through time. Men will always get bored of their woman no matter what she did, No matter how much she sacrifies for him and no matter how much she have loved him. Maybe they're just blinded with the fakeness of the world. Or maybe the relationship that we all started is wrong in the first place? If so, what went wrong? Where did i do my mistake? By putting so much trust and hope on a man? By opening my heart so wide that he get the chance to steal it away and fool around with it?

Trust me, it's not worth it to have someone beside you, but not having him devoted to you. Even the smallest thing that hurt you or touch your heart. If he can't handle even the smallest responsibility, neither can't he on a big on, right? Am i asking too much from a relationship.

In life, i do believe that there's a ladder in every relationship. Friendship, lovers and family. You'll somehow develop a strange bonding, and the relationship will grow higher and higher. Relationship CAN'T stay static. It's either you climb up the ladder, or you climb down. Which will you prefer? from what i can see, most relationship among us are always declining. Why?

Imagine that you're put in that position. What will you do?

Take it, or leave it?

Archived of 26th April 2011, written via E71, by the beach.

Valentine's spoiler!

Last year was maroon. This year I'm going for purple :)

1. Dark purple dress 
2. Gold accessories
3. Blue-purple nail color
4. Swarovski watch
5. Silk stilettos
6. MAC Vera - Dessert Cloud: deep blue purple 
7. A surprise gift.


Happy Valentine's Day.
Hope everything turns out well.
Please please please turn out gorgeous Tash. 

Word of wisdom of today

1. Hot
2. Pretty
3. Gorgeous
4. Not good looking person
5. Someone else is better than me
6. LOYAL
7. You're BLIND.

Courtesy of A.H.

And they said woman are complicated?

I rest my case.

Which one?

Torn in between this; 

and this;

so which one? :)

Al-Quran

Ade beberapa persoalan timbul bila tgk video ni. So, cuba kaji lagi. tambah berminat dgn sejarah tamadun manusia. benda ni makes sense jugak. Charles Darwin menipu selama ni? Well, tak pernah percaya pun Charles Darwin tu. Manusia evolves dari monyet? LOL. 

Jadi, tadi tatau kenapa pegi carik bacaan Al-Quran Surah 1 sampai 20 (sempat download sampai situ je). Then carik terjemahan. Then carik website yg ade huraian terjemahan. Carik forum perbincangan. Well, i think i know what to do for the rest of this 3 months holiday!

My brother gave me a very interesting link THE REVELATION. A very long read, so take your time reading it. As much as I would on my Al-Quran. Hopefully we'll get some answer during the long enjoyable reading. 

BTW, I'm back in Penang! 

Tasha

Insecure...

I hate it when he abandoned me :)

I rest my case.

It's very hard to let go.

Surprisingly, it's only 7th of January, and I'm already posting a sad post. Don't worry, I'm fine, just emo. I'm going back to Penang on Monday. Looking at his face, I couldn't bring my heart home.

I am being clingy? Or do i have problem letting go?

*tears*

Tasha

13 years?

Dear Endy,

Today (i meant yesterday) i went out with one of my old friend from my primary school. His name is Izhar. It's been 13 years since we last met. Yes! The last time i meet him was in 1999. We were just a little kid back then. I am very happy to meet him, as we used to have such a great childhood together. We talk a lot. Reminiscing memories of our school days, our dearest friends and our moment together as kids. 

First, we meet up at KLCC around 12.30p.m., had lunch at Pepper Lunch, and of course, start talking about everything. Seriously, i had a great time. It's been a while since I am this happy. It's very refreshing to meet old friends and talk bout beautiful memories. Then, we went out to the park and walk around this we got exhausted and settle down on a bench under a nice shade of tree. There, again, we continue chatting our heart out, also bout memories. Seriously, i miss primary school. I miss being that little devil i used to be. I was such a happy kid back then. 

Then, Izhar suggested that we go for shisha session. So, he brought me to an arabic restaurant somewhere in KL (seriously can't recall where, I'm always lost in KL), and we get ourselves a pot of mint tea. At this point, i remembered my ex, who loves that tea. Again, we sat down and continue our story. Brought up lots of issue. Talk bout our schoolmates. Chat randomly and basically bout our current life. He told me that I changed a lot. LOL. I guess it's called growing up, my friend.

Next, we went for movie. Went to Pavilion and there's like a gazilion people there. Oh ya, note to all my readers, PLEASE DO NOT WATCH 11.11.11 because it is a nonsense movie. I actually feel sleepy watching that movie! BORING! Okay before i start blabbering on the movie, I better keep on track. My story is about my old friend, not that damn movie! LOL. We finally feel tired and decided to go back when the time hits 8.30p.m.!

Well, honestly, I really enjoy myself today. I've never been this happy for such a long time. Meeting Izhar after 13 years, really brings back such jolly memories. I love my school, and I love all of my friend. There's nothing that could replace a true friend. 

**********

Dear Izhar,

Thank you very much for such a lovely day. I would like to answer your question actually. You asked me either you've change. Yes, you do not change much as a person. I could still see the same boy i used to know 13 years ago. But, i guess your parents had done an excellent job of raising you into a gentleman. Yes, indeed you are. You used to tease me to the max during school, pulled my hair, kick my chair and yada yada yada. Today, I could see that the boy i used to know is no longer there. That boy who used to bully me actually opens the door for me, letting me go through the door first, and that boy is also concern bout what i think of him (yes i told you today that i don't judge, but i observe). You did apologize for your jokes, worrying that i will take it personally. Well, you don't have to worry bout me. I'm still the same Tasha you used to know. Just that I now wear 3 inch makeups and heels. LOL. Deep inside me, I am still the same Tasha. 

To be honest, I like talking to you. Sharing our point of view over life and society. Sharing our experience with jobs and workplace. Sharing just anything that came across our mind. It's seriously splendid to talk to someone who actually understand the value of quality talk. I've notice that you're very wise now. I can see that you think before you speak. I can sense that you analyze things surrounding you. That's actually a very healthy habit. I hope I didn't bore you with my stories and blabbering. I'm always a chatterbox when I'm in a comfort zone. Also, I would like to apologize if I've said something inappropriate, makes lame jokes, being to sarcastic and cynical and maybe being shallow in some point of view. But yeah, that's me. 

Nevertheless, I would like to convey my highest appreciation for being such a great company today. Seriously, i had fun. I hope that you have fun too. I'm so flattered to meet you today. I hope we'll keep in touch and stay friends forever. 

**********

Alright, I'm exhausted. Gotta get my arse into bed. Nite!

New Year Resolutions?

This year keep it simple.

1. To know more friends in Taylor's.
2. To get 4.0 C.G.P.A.
3. To draw and paint better.
4. To drink water, instead of soda.
5. To lose 20kg. HAHAHAHA.
6. To blog religiously.


HAPPY NEW YEAR.

What's yours?