Wednesday, May 07, 2008

For Better or Worst!

Time: 4:16 a.m.
Venue: Indah Villa Condo
Mood: Bored..

well, million of sorry to you and my reader out there... guys... i've been freaking busy these days... classes, assignments, pool sessions, and of course, HIM. Endy, how are you, dear? i hope you're fine! as for me, i'm in the best of health! never been better anyway.... life is as usual... fun and happening... gosh... i really dont know where to start my blog... i've been abandoning this blog for so long! sorry Endy... i know you miss me! i miss you too... i miss writing to you every night... but my schedule just doesnt allow me to! i'm supposed to be sleeping by now, but i just cant... so i thought of writing to you...

as for classes, as usual, boring and dull class! thanks to Su Weng for making me going to class!! he's really a great friend... for now, i'm having one assignment which the deadline is this Friday! it's my video assignment... i have to write a proper script on some movie that i like and make proper planning... this assignment will lead to the 3rd one later... so i cant screw up this one! i have ideas on the storyline, but the hard part is the production planning... damn it's tough! i'm gonna get my VB and 3D assignment soon... actually i already got it... but it's not official yet... my lecturer gonna upload it to their folder.... i dont mind doing VB and Oracle... but 3D and Video is very challenging! yeah, i love multimedia... but... this shit is seriously not my cup of tea! ok, i dont want to elaborate more on studies... i'm sick enough! i just cant wait to graduate! finishing soon, thank god!

as for me and him.. we're doing fine... we're still in the process of knowing each other... he's seriously my type of guy.... he understand me, even though not perfectly, but still, he knows me and he loves me the way i am... i really appreciate that. no doubt that i like his attitude as well... he shares almost everything with me... i know that... and i love it... because with this, we can avoid misunderstanding... i really hate it when people misunderstood me! i'm not gonna say he's a perfect person for me... but what i know is... he knows who i am, we've never hide anything from each other... however, i still feel scared of this relationship... i'm scared to fall in love... maybe one day he will leave me... just like what Nick did... just like others.... yes... i'm taking a risk here... Endy, if one day, this relationship failed, will you be with me? will you sit beside me and wipe my tears?

i'm an idiot right? right now, i'm supposed to be happy with him... i'm supposed to tell you all the sweet story... i'm supposed to be the happiest girl in the world... but why do i have to be worried? why? because i knew the feeling of being hurt. i knew what does it feel to be left unsaid. i knew the feeling of being humiliated. i dont want to face it all over again... god, can you let me hold this happiness forever? can this be eternity? you've been taking my soul piece by piece and yet, i still try my best to survive... i dont know either i could survive this time... you can take anything in this world but please... not the person that i love...

i dont know why i feel like this Endy! can you explain it to me? i dont want to be like this... i want to smile for him.. i always want him to be happy whenever he's with me. i hope i'm being a great girl for him. i don't want him to feel awkward. i dont want him to be worried of me. frankly, i just dont know why the hell am i thinking like this... yes, i admit, i'm 100% happy with him... it's just that i feel insecure... it's just me... fix it for me please! i started to fall in love once again..

i fall in love with his attitude.. i fall in love with his character... i fall in love with his charisma... i even fall in love with his broad-minded mind! yes, this is the quality that we share. he always owns an opinion that really suit my mind.. he's free... he never control... he argue.... a lot! and i love it... the best part is... he treated me as a human... Endy, in me, there's love for him... there's responsibility for him... and most importantly, there's something called RESPECT for him... he's one of the person that made me listen to him... you know it's hard for me to listen to someone, right? but i do listen to him... not because he's my guy, but because i have such a high level of respect for him...

my mind is kinda blank right now.. maybe because i used it too much on my video assignment... and it's still not done! i have to continue it tomorrow! hopefully i could finish it by Thursday night! well, i better get going now... i have class at 10.30... i'm going to Digital Mall in PJ in the afternoon with Andrew. i wanna check out few gadget... hehehe... gtg Endy.. night! bye!

I love you,

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