Don't get me wrong, people!

Time: 7:53 a.m.
Venue: still stuck here in my room!
Mood:
Condition: ok ok!
Currently: just finish checking myspace, friendster and myyearbook!

Endy,
heheh... i have something to tell you... remember my last post?? i have 3 three guys who says sorry to me... they assume that that blog was for them... well... not to make anybody embarrassed but i just cant stop smiling! hahaha... i think i should start typing some names whenever i wanna say out something... but i really dont like exposing people's name here... all of the name exposed here are with the permission of the person... i'll never write someone's name without permission... that's just inane!

anyway, that guy that i dedicated the blog to actually message me in YM yesterday night... he says sorry to me... i said i'm cool with it.. it's not that i'm sad or anything... it's just that i regret for not making first step... well... he did gave me a hint!ok whatever now... lets focus on the next step of being the successful tasha... ignore those junks!

well... before i start my blog... i really hope whatever that i write here wont make anyone think i'm talking bout him or her.... well... it wont harm you if you ask me or anything... but i think you should know yourself better right?

hurm.... what did i do yesterday?? hurm... as i told you, i'm going to college to meet Ms. Vani for consultation hours. i reach college around 11.35 a.m. i called Navdeep and we met at cafe... he told me that Ms. Vani is not there! yes! she's absent! WTF! i woke up early on friday just to meet her and yet she's absent! the best thing is she have my number! cant she like call/sms me or something??? wasted my time!!! if i knew that she's gonna be absent, i'll take my own sweet time getting ready to go out!

so, i went for lunch with Navdeep at Taj and then he sent me home... after that i hang around at home for a while, go online while waiting for Kenneth to come back... i was suppose to meet him around 5... but patheticly, i fell asleep! he called me, and yet i slept again... after that, around 7, Khalid called me... he's on his way to Pyramid! i got up, settle few important things and i reach there around 7.35 p.m. poor him waiting for me! I'm sorry Khalid! i'm really am sorry! anyway, we went to my beloved Old Town coffee house... hehehe... i ordered my fav. Hazelnut White Coffee! he ordered the same thing too! then we hang around at our smoking area in Pyramid, waiting for Emi to come... next, we headed to my most fav. place in Subang, Asia Cafe! hahahahahahha.... we played pool for about 4 hours.... i won Luke, Emi, Amelia and Khalid's cousin who's so called BlingBling! hahahahaha... but sadly, i lost the last frame with Luke! i really need to practice more! i've been abandoning pool for quite a while... been busy with shopping for the past few weeks until i dont really have time to go for pool! hhehehehe...

hurm... what's my plan for today? well, i'm fully booked until next friday! hahaha...i promise Kenneth that i'm gonna watch movie with him today... i really have to made up this time because i've made him wait for me for 2 times! i'm sorry! so, today is movie day! hehehe... tomorrow, i'll be attending my aunt's open house... i'm gonna bring few people... Monday i'll be busy doing my Sounscape assignment... so the assignment already book me! Tuesday i'm going to be busy with LAN assignment presentation... i have to pass it up! Wednesday, i'm going out for a movie again with someone... and Thursday i'm going to watch movie with Navdeep as we dont have Database class on Thursday... remember those horror replacement class??? phew... hahaha... Friday i'll be meeting one of my online friends from KL... and finally, Saturday.. i'm free! hahaha... so anybody wanna go out or anything? just call me ok... opppss... i dont anybody... i mean... anybody that i know... or at least anybody that i talk to in Myspace, YM or MSN... hehehe....

ok Endy.... i'll continue next time... maybe not tonight... i wont even be home tonight... i'll be staying over at my friend's place... i'll see you maybe tomorrow morning or night... if i'm not too busy with assignment... ok?? have a sweet day Endy... may god bless you with everything... i really miss our sweet moment together when we were young... remember those silly days in primary school?? hehehehe... oh ya... almost forgot! Nick is coming tomorrow!! Yay!!!! hehe... ok Endy... gtg... bye!

busy lil girl,
Natasha

He's Taken

Time: 5.37 a.m.
Venue: My room
Mood: Sad? Frustrated!
Condition: Tired!
Currently: Regreting for nto confessing my feeling towards him!

Endy,
remember the guy that i have a crush on? well... not that sunway student... he's still with me... i'm talking bout that guy who stay in KL... still.. can't pronounce his name here as he's also frequent reader... hurm... he gave me a hint yesterday... that he's gonna choose someone to be his special girl... and i know that i'm in his final two list!!! the chances are 50%-50%! and how stupid am i of ignoring that chances thinking that he's gonna choose me! i should've make some move! actually the chances are already 65%-35%! 65% for me, and 35% for that hot arabian chick of his! damn it! why on earth did i ignore that?????? am i over confident that he's gonna be mine?? or maybe it's just my pride that stop me from making some move! he tell me that that girl gave him some hint on moving to the next level of relationship! damn it! i really likes him! i really hope that he'll choose me and i'm quite sure yesterday that i already won him! god damn it she won! fuck man! Tasha, you gotta realize that you're ugly! next time make some move! i was smiling on webcam yesterday when he said that that girl wanted to be with him... he said he's still thinking over it... and i'm confident that he's gonna reject her! how stupid am i, Endy?? damn, he's gorgeous! i should've lower down my ego and tackle him or ask him out!!! omg!!! i really regret!! i tried my best to be close with him using my character... and he likes me as me! that's great! all of my effort for the past 1 month are useless now!

ok, let's forget bout him.... instead of thinking of that, i better think of how to get the other one! hehehe... well, that Sunway guy... this one i'm 100% confident that he's mine... hehehe... hey... tasha... stop talking bout guys!!!! haha... ok now let me tell you what happen today... opps... maybe it's more like yesterday! hahaha... it's friday today.... so yesterday.... i have full package of class!! from 8.30 a.m. to 5.30 p.m. with only 1 hour break at 12.30 p.m. hurm... ok here's the breakdown...

8.30 a.m. to 10.30 a.m.
Animation for Designer - Ms. Jaya
learn bout the button..

10.30 a.m. to 11.30 a.m.
Audio Production - Ms. Sara
discussing on final assesment, the radio drama which consist of 60% marks!

11.30 a.m. to 12.30 p.m.
E-Commerce -Ms. Lim
group discussion on Consumer Behaviour(ok this one is just a 1 hour of crap!)

12.30 p.m. - 1.30 p.m.
Lunch at Medan
with Emi and Vish

1.30 p.m. - 5.30 p.m.
Database - Ms. Vani
1 hour of boring lecture which i came in 15 minutes late and 3 hours of practical, doing the SELECT command... 21 questions took me almost 2 hours to finish, well, including surfing the net and chit chatting with Navdeep... hehe...

5.30 p.m.
finally get out from college!

hehehe... so, did u see how hectic my timetable is today??? well... i went to all of it!! surprisingly huh?? all 7 or the DMM folks went to class today! except for Raymond who didnt come to morning class! hehehe... that bugger!!! i went to pyramid straight after class... i wanted to buy a pair of jeans... and until today still cant find anything i like!! i wanted to buy from Googles... went there this evening and all they have are 2 designs that i already bought... tomorrow i'll go to Subang Parade with Emi... maybe Soda have nice jeans... hehee... maybe i'll get myself another shade of nail color too... oh ya... i have to get my brown shimmer blusher from Elianto... i love it!

i'm going to college today for consultation hour with Ms. Vani... well, it's not compulsory but i think i need it since i'm kinda confuse with that Database! i'm okay with the ERD and EERD concept, but i'm blurr of how to apply it through the assumption! as for practical... haha... u know me... i have no problem when it comes to practical... it's superb... then maybe me and Navdeep will go somewhere and watch movie... it's been a while since the last time i watch movie... the last one was with my girls, watching Resident Evil, right before i went back to Penang...

i woke up at 4 just now... now i cant sleep.... heehe... i really dunno what to do anymore... i'm trying to sleep now!!! oh... i almost forgot... i was kinda pissed today with my marks... i mean my radio advertisement marks... well, even though i got 2nd highest in class, i'm still not satisfy with it! she gave me 17.6% over 20 while i think i could at least get 18%! Melita is the highest with the mark 18.6%! i do believe that i could've got better... well, Melita deserve higher mark too!! she did well! and the best thing is... she gave Yong 10/10 for the same assignment!! well, he's in the other subject but they did learn a bit of audio... he had the same assignment... and she gave him full marks!! wtf!!!

ok, lets forget bout that... so, my plan for today is to go to college, then out with Navdeep, then out with Emi and Khalid later at night... tomorrow i'll go out with Kenneth and on Sunday i'll play pool... wtf? where's the study part?? none? Tasha, tasha! when are you gonna change?? my E-Commerce exam is on 3rd December and my Database is on 12th December... i guess i wont go back to Penang this year! well, good for me too because i think i wanna spend some time with Kenneth before he leave Malaysia.... he'll be going to Canada to pursue his second year of degree... i'm gonna miss him a lot!! a great companion! i feel sorry for him... i'm hurting him too much with my attitude of living with past... he's always there to listen to me!! i do appreciate that! i envy your patience towards me...

Endy, will you excuse me now? i wanna get ready for today... i have to polish my nails! can you imagine me going to college with my nail unpolish! yes, i did that yesterday! omg!!! so... i have to polish it today before going to college... i'll see you next time ok... i might not write tonight as i'll be home late... ok endy.. bye!

I still miss him,
Natasha

Time: 8.31 a.m.
Venue: Multimedia Production Lab, Sunway University College!
Mood: Blurr + Happy + Excited
Condition: ok ok i think..
Currently: Waiting for Animation class...

Endy,
hehe... sorry for not writing yesterday night... i was busy with few things... i'm going to pyramid later to buy few pair of jeans... hehehe... my final shopping and then i'm done... enough of shopping... i'm sick of it... it's frustrating finding for things that u like... today is the first day i come to class after so long... i kinda miss class... hehe... i cant type much... i'll continue at home later... bye...

sleepy,
tasha

Memories versus hates!

Time: 9:45 a.m.
Venue: My room
Mood: Pissed? Sad? only god knows...
Condition: Seriously... i dont know!
Currently: Thinking and reminiscing every single memories!

Endy,
phew... first of all... sorry for not updating here for a longggggggg time... i was seriously busy... i woke up early today... i came back from penang yesterday night.... then went to AC with Emi... hurm... she told me few things.... one of the thing is... Imran is coming to Malaysia... well... to meet his girlfriend here in Malaysia... one thing that i'm not satisfied with.... he told her that he's gonna explain everything to me in front of his girlfriend... well... you tell me! what's his point anyway? between us, there's a big gap and it's over... i knew that... i have a clear picture of that... no point of you explaining... IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND.... she dont even know me anyway... i have my own life now... do i ever disturb you, Imran? no right? so.... why dont you leave me alone... i never question you anything after that message i sent...

New chapter in my life have yet to get started... i'm happy with what i have now... yes... i'm still stuck with memories... but that doesnt give anyone the right to fool around with me... dont mess with me... i'm just the real Tasha once again... let's get real... face the world realisticly... after all this while, we never heard anything from him... no messages, no contact... nothing... well... i dont stop anyone from being with him... Emi told me that they're gonna meet him once he's here... well girls... dont feel hesitate to go... he's your friend anyway... no harm of meeting friends.... just dont mention anything bout me in front of him... he's having a beautiful life now... and that's what i want... i dont keep any bad memories with him... so, i do think that he deserve the best for his life... i've told you girls that i value nothing in his life... that's not his fault anyway... i'm the one who's stupid that can't read that from the beginning.... i should've read that earlier.... Endy, how stupid am i for not realizing the fact that i value nothing??? Nick was right... nobody could ever love me as much as he did... i could dare me with that... and yes... i could see that now... a very caring gentleman... yet a great friend! i've never met a person who cares that much about me, even after i broke up with him... i do respect you for that, Nick... not much people will have that kinda respect from me....

actually, i have so much to tell you... of what happen during the holiday which i enjoy to the max! then about my feelings and daily life.... well... today... my class start at 1.30... so i have plenty of time to get ready and all... right now... i just wanna sit down and think bout everything carefully... i chat with James yesterday night... he sound quite upset with my decision... i still can't accept him... i never did... he's a nice guy... but he's just not there in my heart.... he went offline all of the sudden... maybe he was mad at me... yeah... my mistake... i hurt someone!! that's bad! i know how it feel to be left behind... i'm so sorry James... i'm really am... i know i'm useless... to live my life everyday by reminiscing memories... i'm just stuck with my past... that's what i'm trying to fix right now... i'm living with memories and i hate it...

well... i have one good news for you and me.... i have a crush with this one guy... well... cant tell who because he's one of my frequent reader... hahahaa.... maybe i'll tell you once we're official... we're kinda dating each other... the best thing bout him is... he's exactly like me... he dont care if i have 100 guys with me of whatever... he said that he believe in competition... sounds familiar to you? yeah... that's me... i dont care if that guy have 100 girls... i do believe in competition... anyway... remember my favourite quote? if you love something, set it free... if it comes back, it's yours... if not, it was not meant to be... hehe... but i believe he's mine! hahahaahahaha.... there's no competition! oppss... Tasha is back right? with her high level of confidence! hahaha... phew... i miss myself! 70% of me are back... just need to pull the other 30%! i miss the old me... now, there's no such thing as loyalty... hehe.. well, it's ok if he wanted to be loyal to me... hehe...

hurm... another guy was upset yesterday night.... i was suppose to have a date with him... he had been planning and waiting for the date since last week... i cancelled it yesterday and he sounds mad... i'm sorry... i just dont have the mood to flirt... haha... i played pool for 2 hours yesterday... it was quite fun after 2 weeks of not playing... my game are miserable yesterday... haahhaha.... well... i wasn't concentrating anyway... i was busy checking out this guy... he's hot but too bad... he have a girl with him... haha... well... checking out doesnt give me any harm right??? hahahaha....

oh... i almost forgot... well... how can i forget one of the most important thing??? i perm my hair 2 days before raya... hahaha... i love it! and i change my style now... i dont know how many time do i wanna change my style... and i dont know how long this style gonna last! haha... well... nothing much... i just decided to wear jeans once again.... yes... i mean long pair of jeans.... i look totally different... hahaha... i changes everyone's perspective on me... but still... none of my habit and attitude change! hahahaha.... i might look nice... but i'm still the old TyrantTsarTash! so, dont mess with me... and my man! hahahaha... what's wrong with me today? i thought i was feeling whimsical bout my life just now???? ah... forget it... have a great day today, Tasha!!! go through another phase of life happily... never turn back!

Endy... give me 10 minutes break.... i'll continue later... i have to answer this phone call! hehehe... it's Nick...

hey... sorry... hehehehe... he says hi! i miss him... he's going back to California next week! i called him yesterday... he was drunk when i called him... hahaha... i requested him to stay with me this week... spend time together... then he said he's too dizzy to concentrate on what i'm saying... he said he'll call me once he woke up... and yes he did! hehehehe...Endy... it's almost 11... i'll see you later ok... i have to get ready for class... wanna take my time today!byee...

I still love him,
Natasha Farhana Leow

Am i suppose to be down or happy?

Time: 4:02 a.m.
Venue: My room
Mood: Fucked up!
Condition: blurr bout myself, my feelings and my crush!
Currently: Thinking of someone!

Endy,
I'll be dating someone tomorrow... well... can be counted as today since it's already 4.05 a.m. i'm feeling a bit blurr and sad... so i decided to write it here... i dont know is it me being down as usual or is it because of someone... i just cant predict myself... earlier this week, Michelle, one of my college-mate added me here in 360... until today, i didnt know that she actually wrote a blog here... am i the one who influence her?? haha.. i dont know... well, she have about 14 post... i read from the beginning and i saw one blog titled Networking(20/6/2007) posted on Thursday June 21, 2007 - 12:30pm (PDT). i read through that blog and she mentioned bout Imran... well... you can read it yourself... i already link it to her blog... she says that she have a secret between her and Imran and whatsoever... hurm... i never tell anybody bout our relationship... why must he tell michelle bout it??? i dont want to tell anybody... we broke up anyway... now, even my girls are pissed... they think that i dont deserve to be treated like this... well... not only bout the blog anyway... why the hell did i read her blog??? damn it... i'm trying so hard to forget him... why should i wait??? am i that stupid??? why should i long for someone who dont even care bout me??? so many guys out there...

phew... i told you just now that i'm having a date tomorrow right?? well... i dont know either i should cancel it or just go... i dont want to show my idiotic face to my date... he deserve to be treated nicely... he's a nice guy anyway... dont waste his time! but i just feel down today... i'm sick... i'm angry with myself... why cant i move on??? it's obvious that he just dont care! i'm so fucking stuck here!! and one thing that i dont like is... Michelle told him that i'm deeply in love with him... i dont know why she said that... well i dont blame her... it's obvious anyway.... i was not being myself for teh past few months... i was down.. i didnt talk much... i was not being myself... anybody could sense that... it's just that people dont know what's going on!

i'm never gonna tell people how stupid am i waiting for someone who dont even care bout me! this is one of the biggest failure in life that i should keep deep inside my heart and never never repeat it again... this week i rejected 2 of my dates... i sound so harsh on them... but i cant help it... they're being to pushy... i'm sorry guys... it's just me being honest! i cant accept anybody who i dont love... love is one big deal for me!

hurm... Endy... let me finish reading Michelle's blog first... then maybe i'll continue writing to you if i'm not too sleepy! ok??? oh... i have to read Mei Phing's blog too! heheheh... i like her blog!!! be right back!

I miss him,
Natasha