Sunday, September 16, 2007

Miss Him

Time: 8:19 a.m.
Venue: Still the same place!
Mood: Sad
Condition: Sick!
Currently: Chatting with my fren + missing him!

Endy,
i miss him, i miss him, i miss him!!!! how am i suppose to survive Endy?? every single breath i take, i could feel the rhythm of his love... every single step i took, will bring me back to the past... every single time i spent, it felt nothing but emptiness! Rene ask me to give up on him... she said that i should move on... i'm trying my best Endy... it's not that i dont try... i wish i could be like him... just forget bout me and start a new life... how could i be that cruel Endy?? leaving this beautiful feeling! sometimes... i do blame destiny for doing this to me... i knew i cant do that... this is my fate... i shouldn't act like this! i should move on... yeah... i think more than 100 people had said that to me... easy to say... i'm not that kinda person who take things easily... when i'm in love with someone, that's it... it'll remain there forever... i just want one thing in life Endy... and that's him! i'm willing to let go everything... Endy... i'm trying my best to stop my tears from dropping... maybe i was just not good enough... am i weak Endy? i cried too much! where's my strength? sometimes i felt like i have it.. sometimes i felt like i lost it... i'm gasping for air of love Endy... how i wish he's here to comfort me... drag me out of this loneliness... calm me down with his wise words... put a smile on my face with his jokes... i miss him teasing me... i miss him kissing me... and i miss hugging him... god knows how much i misses him! will he come back to me? i know, clearly, the answer is no... i know he's not interested even to message me anymore... then why the hell am i waiting for him??? he hurt me! too bad... i love him until that level that i could bare with everything that he did to me...

Endy,
sometimes, when i saw him online, i really wanted to say Hi to him... but i reminded myself that i've already promise him that i'm not gonna disturb him anymore... i'm just gonna wait for him right here... that's what i promise... everybody said that i'm crazy for sacrificing myself just like that... everybody said that i should move on... yes... i admit... i've been dating few guys these days... but i just dont feel the spark... even with that guy that i have a crush on last year! phew... life is getting more and more complicated... i just need to bare with it... i cant wait to finish this diploma and get out of malaysia... go back to california and have a life there... i miss it... hurm... Endy... i think i cant take it anymore... i'm just pretending! i cant forget him... seriously! i cant move on!

right now, i can only pray for his happiness... i dont want him to have any misery in life... let me have it all... i'll be happy enough to watch him from far... after what had happen these few days... i do realize how much i love him... i realize how high do i look at him... i realize how i adore him... nobody could ever replace him... i know, i'm an idiot.. longing for him, while he might be laughing right now... looking at me being sad and being a loser... this is what i feel... if i have a choice, i dont even want to know him..... gosh... why did i follow Michelle that day?? i should just go back home... i made a huge mistake that night! i regret it! now i'm stuck... Sunway was suppose to promise me a new life... but instead of having a fun new life, i ruin it by accepting another guy into my life!

oh, i forgot to tell you... i went to the playground last night... i dont know how did that guy found me... it was 2 o'clock in the morning... i'm all alone there with few guys that look like monkeys... i'm doing my Sudoku puzzles... the minute i turn around... i saw him standing beside me... i pull out faces! seriously... throughout our meeting that night...i was seriously being nasty.... i know it hurts him a lot! too bad... you made the mistake... not me... and he keep asking me what did he do... i seriously annoy him with my nasty language... i dont care... he's the one responsible of making me remembering all those beautiful moments with Imran... so he pay for it... get lost from my life... i'm Tash now... i just delete him from my life... i told him that i dont want to see his face anymore... and i told him to get lost....

phew... i'm tired Endy... i didnt sleep whole night... thinking of my life... i gtg... bye...

should i wait for you???
Natasha

3 comments:

mei phing said...

hey tasha
thanks for visiting my blog.hehe
u mean you apply for hostel din get?
or wanna rent indah villa but din get?
haha sorry i;m blur

Natasha said...

i got the hostel... but not the apartment... i got the condo which is obviously more expensive... hehehe... i love your blog though... it really represent you! you havent change since the last time i see you! hheheh...

mei phing said...

oh the condo thing is so expensive! if i get there, i think i dun need to eat anymore.haha
hopefulli can get the apartment!
btw i might drop by sunway nex friday.
see ya if we get lucky!

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