Early Saturday once again!

Time 9:05 a.m.
Venue: My room, Sunway!
Mood: excited! i think...
Condition: all set to start a new day, except for a cup of coffee
Currently: Ready to start a new day!

Endy,
phew... what the hell am i doing early morning? i think my biological clock has gone normal... i sleep at eleven yesterday and woke up at 4 something... i ate 4 pieces of sesame oat cracker and drank a few sip of mineral water... then i check my mail and myspace... one of my friend called me and talk for 1 hour and 12 minutes... phew... thanks to hotlink super saver... now everybody start calling me and make me talk on the phone for more than 5 minutes... that's so unhealthy! as if i lead a healthy life! hahaha... so, just now i spend 2-3 minutes to sketch out my planner for today.... it goes like this;

11 a.m. - Go to library = finish up presentation, storyboard and website research.
3 p.m. - Go back home(since library close at 3) = takes about 20 minutes to reach home!
around 3.30 p.m. - take a rest for a while, maybe check mails and my friendster.
4 p.m. - Start implementing my website on Penang food(LFC ask me to do this topic!).
6 p.m. - Get ready for break fasting!
7 p.m. - Dunno where i'm gonna eat, so i'll be somewhere in Sunway, eating!
9 p.m. - i'll be playing pool i guess, or else, i'll be home!
11p.m. - Sleep, if i do so! if not, ONLINE!

so, my target today is;

• finish up animation for designer presentation - titled 2D Animation.
• finish up storyboard for my 50% assignment for animation for designer.
• do the research on Penang food website!

hurm.... so, will you excuse me now? wanna sort few things up... wanna pack up things to bring to library... hehehe... oh... not to forget... the most important thing of all... my sweater! or i'll be freezing inside the freaking cold library!!! hahaha... see you Endy... byebye...

Busy,
Tasha

Date?

Time: 8.34 a.m.
Venue: what do you think? where am i? duhhhh...
Mood: little bit of sadness wont kill huh?
Condition: Missing him badly...
Currently: reminiscing our sweet memories... god knows how much i love him!

Endy,
phew.... i cant believe it... it's Friday morning and i'm up so early!! i should've sleep more! well, i woke up around 5.15 a.m. hehe... i ate a slice of marble cheesecake that i bought with Emi yesterday night... we went to Secret Recipe for our break fasting.... i ate my favourite chicken cordon bleu... hehehe... well, since i woke up early in the morning, i just check few stuff... check my myspace, friendster and myyearbook... i clean up my room... change the position of the furniture... dusk everything out... i just need to throw the rubbish later on... hehehe... i have a storyboard that i need to pass up next monday... and not to forget... my 2D Animation presentation is also next week.... hurm... i pass up my first assessment for this semester which is the Audio Production assessment... it's about Penang Island Tourism spot.. hahah... i think i just talk rubbish in the assessment... but i kinda like it... no formal languages... hehehe...

phew... i have a date today... hehehe... i dunno either i'm really going or not... he's kinda nice... maybe i should give it a try... haha... damn... how many guys do i date in a week? hurm... let me see.... at least 1 per day... so? 7 per week... hahahaha... Tasha.. Tasha... when are you gonna stop being a bad girl?? ok... let's cut out the crap...

so... when i was bored just now... i browse through all of my photo in myspace... well... u know that i still have his photo in my myspace... i look at us... well... it really brought back the memories... even now, i'm still smiling bout it... gosh!!

ahemm... so what i'm gonna do today... no more misery please... cut it out man!!! maybe i should ask Emi to go pool.... hehe.. i miss pool!!! its been 3 days i didnt touch the cue!! i miss it!! hey Endy... i think i wanna sleep for a while... it's nice to sleep at this hour... it's not everyday that i can woke up late!! hahaha... ok... catcha soon... bubye...

missing him,
tasha

Emi's Birthday!

Time: 8:01 a.m.
Venue: what do you think?
Mood: Happy!
Condition: I'm fine with life now, for the time being, i guess!
Currently: Getting rid of the memory of him bit by bit...

Endy,
First of all, Happy Birthday to Emi... Who's Emi? well, Emi is my best friend, housemate and classmate! phew... how many hours a day did i spent my time with her? you make the calculation... haha... well, she turns 22 on 18th September 2007... Why am i telling this in here? because she's one of the most important person in my life... she cared bout me... she's the witness of my beautiful moment with him... she was there when i was down... she pick me up when i was torn into pieces... and the most important thing of all is, she's my best best friend and i really do love her!!!

Well, we celebrated her birthday yesterday night at Sushi King, Sunway Pyramid... nothing special there but all that matters are who are there... Me, Emi(of course!), Maryam(another best friend of mine & also the final member of our house!), Alyaa(the person who assume our house as her second house! trust me, she spent her time more at my place than her own house!), Munnie(Alyaa's KDU mate), Tasha Rene(our close friend and classmate, you can assume her as my twins!), and last but not least, Michelle(our classmate!). Me and Alyaa bought her a chocolate+strawberry cake... Alyaa choose the cake anyway... hehehe... we spent around 2 hours eating and taking pictures!! phew... i'll talk bout the pictures part later on!!

After the dinner, we floiter around Sunway Pyramid and have some crazy moment... Then, we're off to our favourite place of all, Asia Cafe!! hhahaha... it's pool time!! Maryam and Alyaa went back earlier since they're tired... well, speaking of TIRED, trust me, i am seriously exhausted.... but for the sake of Emi, i just forget bout it and try not to show the "tired" face in front of her... another thing, i have assignment that i need to pass up by today... i was suppose to finish it yesterday!! well, i dont mind sacrificing for my best friend!! not that i want any reward anyway... just a note! hehe...

Well, it turn out that i didn't make a mistake by going to Asia Cafe... first of all, of course, i enjoy playing pool... second, we met our former classmate a.k.a. Emi's best friend in class in semester 1, Jabir or you can address him as Ja... we call him Ja! well, we actually promise to meet there, it's not a coincidence... hehhe.... he came with a very fascinating t-shirt... i love the t-shirt... haha... they printed a big sign of FUCK at the back of the shirt! Ja looks different now... totally different... what the hell Ja! you change a lot!! now, you're so naughty!!! compared to whom i met in semester 1!! hahaha.... i do miss you, pal! miss arguing with you in class!! why must you go to APIIT!!!! anyway, he's going back to Oman on 25th September for his holiday... his coming back on mid-October.... we're so gonna miss you ok! the next time you come, bring your extra shirt and overnight at our place!!! trust me, you're gonna love it!

Ok ok... let's stop that story... let's continue... so, Me, Emi, Rene and Michelle waited for Ja at the big screen area... i had my Apple juice and Rene ordered Orange juice... we're crapping and talking and updating each other on our daily life since our timetable is quite hectic nowadays... we dont have time to meet each other... another thing is, it's Ramadhan... i usually meet Rene at the food court or restaurant nearby our college for lunch... hehehe... after Ja arrive, we went straight to pool! hahaha... can't wait to play!!!! we open 2 middle table... we dont need to wait for the table! i'm happy! haha... we usually need to wait since Asia Cafe is always full! i love the table anyway! i play a lot yesterday...

Hey... there's a lot of cute guys yesterday night!! i was too busy playing and checking out on them... well, you know what?? they're checking out on me too... i noticed that... hahahhahaha.... after a while, Ja's friends came... 6 of them! haha... we continue playing until 1.30 a.m. oh, did i mention that Luke came by too? he played few frame and we went back, since he came with a friend... hehehe... after pool, we went to the big screen again and have our supper... haha... i ate spaghetty... but i couldn't finish it... it's too much... i can't even finish my iced lemon tea! thanks to Rene... she finish up everything for me!!

ok, let's talk bout the pictures now before i stop writing to you... i have to stop writing soon since i have to edit my audio assignment... well, i took exactly 823mb photographs which consist of 797 pictures... sounds interesting? you give it a try!!! it's tiring!! well, not all picture are well taken... i'm a beginner anyway... hahaha... only 756mb @ 714 pictures are nicely taken! well, imagine if i were to edit all of the picture?? phew.... i'm not gonna edit all... just gonna edit around 100-200 pictures... the rest, so sorry!! i cant... i'm not a full time photographer... hehehe.... anyway.... i love camera that i used yesterday night!! it's heavier than the camera that i wanna buy which is the Nikon D40x.... yesterday i used Nikon D80... phew.... it's seriously tiring! a photographer who wears 3 inch heels! imagine that! hahah... standing, squatting and sitting down on the dirty floor just to capture unique pose and angle! hahaha.... i love it anyway... just that when i start my official day as photographer one day, reminds me not to wear heels! hahaha... maybe i should start wear ballerina.... hehehe... or peep toe.... wedges sounds interesting too... hehehe...

ok, let's stop my passion towards shoes or i'll start talking bout each of my heels to you! hahaaha... oh ya... i almost forgot... i have interesting story to tell you... hahahaha... remember that guy that i admire? haha... well, i'm actually guilty because i promise him that i'm gonna meet him last night... he accompany me home earlier that day... well, he look kinda worried... i dont know why... just before he left my apartment, i gave him a big hug... when i try to let go, he's still holding my waist... you know what? he tried to kiss me! haahah.... i was surprise... seriously surprise! i didnt know that he has an eye for me... i mean, for real! he's always mysterious.... the way he communicate brings double meaning... you know, reverse psychology! haha... well, i'm good at it... shoot me with it! haha... what should i do? i know i owe him an apology! i'm so sorry! i didnt make it.. i know i was suppose to drop by at your place... hehehe... i'll see you later in college!!

about another senior that i tell you the other day... i keep reminding him that i'm not his girlfriend... i belong to Mr. nobody! i belong to me!! hehehe... i think he got the idea of that since i saw his status in MSN yesterday... sounds depressed! he wanted to see me yesterday... well, frankly speaking, i need a break from meeting him... i met him everyday... that's kinda sickening right?? well, it's not if you're my special guy! hurm.... did i tell you bout a guy name Brian? one of the best hip hop dancer i've ever met! he's great... he asked me out!! damn... he have this Reunion dinner thing somewhere in October... he asked me to be his date for that day! haha... and he said, if i love it, we could plan on more dates! ahahhaaha... life's wonderful huh? he's seriously gorgeous! he have tremendous smile! and of course, i'm attracted to his dance!!! oh shit Tasha!! stop imagining!! you're fasting! hahaha...

Hey, i think i got to go... my class started at 12.30 p.m. but i still need to do my work... i'm up early huh today? haha... i dont know why... i was up since 7 a.m. i slept around 4... i started to feel sleepy anyway... but i shouldnt sleep!! i have assignment that need to be done!! i only have 3 hours class today which is the islamic studies, Animation for designer and Audio production... kinda relax day right??? dont be happy yet for me.... look at tomorrow's timetable!!! class start at 8.30 until 4.30!! i seriously hate morning class!! hahaha.... ok ok.... i'll stop nagging and complaining now! i'll see you... hurm... maybe tonight or the latest is tomorrow night... ok? byebye...

Trying to enjoy my youth,
&
deleting memories,
Natasha!

Assignment!

Time: 6:22 a.m.
Venue: Where else?
Mood: Fresh!
Condition: Fully energized to start a new day!
Currently: Trying to forget bout personal, just being educational person today!

Endy,
hehehe... what the heck with me today? dont ask! haha... i dont know... i've finish doing my planner for today... hehehe... suprising huh?? and i kinda figure out something new for my blog... i'm gonna add new thing here... which is my target of the day and some checklist... nahh... dont worry, not gonna start it today... i dont want you to get heart attack... hehehe.... phew... i feel like i'm back to the busy Tasha... the Tasha who always concentrate on work... can you imagine that i have planner for the whole day? phew... it reminds me of my office work... oh.... i miss my office so much!!! when can i sit there once again? i'm sure my dad not gonna allow me to be there until i finish up my Master... hahah... damn it!

so, today i plan to go early since i cant sleep right now... i dont want to waste time... i think it's time to start working on my goal, an A for each subject! hahaha.... so today i'm gonna finish up my presentation on Animation For Designer subject titled 2D Animation... next, i'll do some research on my Islamic Studies presentation... this is a bit laid back since we're allowed to choose our own topic... any topic will do... hehe... after that, i'm gonna decide on my E-Commerce website item and do research on it... finally, i'm gonna do research for that Flash assignment, if i had finish the research on that E-Commerce item... phew... are you snoring? sorry to bore you!! haha.... full of research huh?? today is my research day!! hahaha.... i need to start implementing my website and my flash assignment by this week... i dont want to do it last minute anymore... like last semester... i screwed up last semester... this semester... no more failure... not only this semester... no failure in life anymore! you're gonna hear great piece of work from me! hehehe.... wahh.... what an ambition huh??? it's freakin' hard to achieve it!! well, it's better than i'm feeling whimsical bout life and blaming myself day by day, right?

ok... for today, i'm gonna make sure i have things in mind... basic research need to be done in order to get the idea of my project... then i need to draw a storyboard for my website... i'm so worried for the website... it's not hard to create a website, but takes lots of effort to collect all of the info and putting them together with all the features.... in short, it takes time!! that's why i'm so worried bout it... i need at least 2 weeks, i mean 2 weeks a.k.a. 14 days to work on it... it can't be done in 3-4 days!! yet, i havent receive my case studies on MySQL subject yet... but i think i'll b fine with it since i like that subject... i'm absorbing the language of MySQL easily... haha... maybe because i've learn it before... phew... i could feel the pressure of this semester!! a hectic one... just like last semester... well, maybe it could be better this semester... since i dont have any guy to think of! haha... opps.. i do have, but i choose not to think of them... them? yes, them! hahaha... i've told you right? no more loyalty! back to the Tasha!

Ok Endy, it's almost 7... wanna check some email... check myspace, friendster, hi5, myyearbook, facebook, multiply and bla bla bla... hahaha... that will cost at least 1 hour of my time... i usually spend 3-5 hours just on checking and updating that... hahahaha.... but today i'm just gonna check the highlighted friends mail! hahaha... in Myspace i have around 150++ message that i havent reply... dont they have anything to do??? phew... i'm tired of answering their question! ok Endy... see you! haha...

fresh and ready,
Natasha

Miss Him

Time: 8:19 a.m.
Venue: Still the same place!
Mood: Sad
Condition: Sick!
Currently: Chatting with my fren + missing him!

Endy,
i miss him, i miss him, i miss him!!!! how am i suppose to survive Endy?? every single breath i take, i could feel the rhythm of his love... every single step i took, will bring me back to the past... every single time i spent, it felt nothing but emptiness! Rene ask me to give up on him... she said that i should move on... i'm trying my best Endy... it's not that i dont try... i wish i could be like him... just forget bout me and start a new life... how could i be that cruel Endy?? leaving this beautiful feeling! sometimes... i do blame destiny for doing this to me... i knew i cant do that... this is my fate... i shouldn't act like this! i should move on... yeah... i think more than 100 people had said that to me... easy to say... i'm not that kinda person who take things easily... when i'm in love with someone, that's it... it'll remain there forever... i just want one thing in life Endy... and that's him! i'm willing to let go everything... Endy... i'm trying my best to stop my tears from dropping... maybe i was just not good enough... am i weak Endy? i cried too much! where's my strength? sometimes i felt like i have it.. sometimes i felt like i lost it... i'm gasping for air of love Endy... how i wish he's here to comfort me... drag me out of this loneliness... calm me down with his wise words... put a smile on my face with his jokes... i miss him teasing me... i miss him kissing me... and i miss hugging him... god knows how much i misses him! will he come back to me? i know, clearly, the answer is no... i know he's not interested even to message me anymore... then why the hell am i waiting for him??? he hurt me! too bad... i love him until that level that i could bare with everything that he did to me...

Endy,
sometimes, when i saw him online, i really wanted to say Hi to him... but i reminded myself that i've already promise him that i'm not gonna disturb him anymore... i'm just gonna wait for him right here... that's what i promise... everybody said that i'm crazy for sacrificing myself just like that... everybody said that i should move on... yes... i admit... i've been dating few guys these days... but i just dont feel the spark... even with that guy that i have a crush on last year! phew... life is getting more and more complicated... i just need to bare with it... i cant wait to finish this diploma and get out of malaysia... go back to california and have a life there... i miss it... hurm... Endy... i think i cant take it anymore... i'm just pretending! i cant forget him... seriously! i cant move on!

right now, i can only pray for his happiness... i dont want him to have any misery in life... let me have it all... i'll be happy enough to watch him from far... after what had happen these few days... i do realize how much i love him... i realize how high do i look at him... i realize how i adore him... nobody could ever replace him... i know, i'm an idiot.. longing for him, while he might be laughing right now... looking at me being sad and being a loser... this is what i feel... if i have a choice, i dont even want to know him..... gosh... why did i follow Michelle that day?? i should just go back home... i made a huge mistake that night! i regret it! now i'm stuck... Sunway was suppose to promise me a new life... but instead of having a fun new life, i ruin it by accepting another guy into my life!

oh, i forgot to tell you... i went to the playground last night... i dont know how did that guy found me... it was 2 o'clock in the morning... i'm all alone there with few guys that look like monkeys... i'm doing my Sudoku puzzles... the minute i turn around... i saw him standing beside me... i pull out faces! seriously... throughout our meeting that night...i was seriously being nasty.... i know it hurts him a lot! too bad... you made the mistake... not me... and he keep asking me what did he do... i seriously annoy him with my nasty language... i dont care... he's the one responsible of making me remembering all those beautiful moments with Imran... so he pay for it... get lost from my life... i'm Tash now... i just delete him from my life... i told him that i dont want to see his face anymore... and i told him to get lost....

phew... i'm tired Endy... i didnt sleep whole night... thinking of my life... i gtg... bye...

should i wait for you???
Natasha

Missing someone badly!

Time: 6.21 a.m.
Venue: My room

Mood: Sad
Condition: half of my willingness to life are gone!
Currently: missing him!

Endy,
as i told you, i've been dating one of my senior these few days.... well, i liked him... and i knew he likes me too... hurm... i think today i'm going to tell him that i need to pull this over... i'm being fake... yes, i like him... but i dont love him... he's getting serious now... he wants me to be loyal to him... how am i suppose to be loyal to him while i'm loving and missing someone else? i cant be cheating on him...i dont want to hurt anybody... i know it hurts... because i've been through it... so i better call it out... i'm sorry... but i have to be frank with myself... i check my email just now... i check my folders... i have one folder that i'll save all of my favourite mails from friends... i suddenly saw 1 mail from him.... i already forgotten that i have that mail... it was an image edited by him... it says,

If you need a place to hide,
you can hold my hand for a while.
If your skies begins to fall,
I'll stay with you till you smile....

well, it might be just a normal word for others.... but it meant a lot for me... i've receive so much promises from him... well.. i dont blame anybody for everything that happen... i'm just here thinking where did i go wrong? in the past few days, i found out that few of my seniors are admiring me... i was shocked.... why all of the sudden? their excuse is they're scared that i might have someone in my life... well, i told them that i'm single... but i'm not available... i prefer to be alone... i even said it to one of the guy that i've been admiring since 2nd day in college... a very nice guy... but yet, he's not my type of person...

phew... i forgot to tell you bout the Youth@Research thing huh? haha... well, they said that i'm splendid on that day... i finally decided to wear peach colour baju kebaya.... well, kinda hard to walk since i'm not used to long skirt... hahaa.... but everybody said that i look amazing in that kebaya... hurm... whatever... the thing that matter the most is my work! well, everybody said that i handle the ceremony proffesionally... my voice was gracious and my accent are good... well, that's what they said... i dont know... i was mad at someone on that day, since she's been disturbing my work... she's been changing my emcee script... if she's that good, why dont she become the emcee instead of me and Usaid??? haha... whatever... i dont want to think bout it now...

i skip class yesterday... hurm... the yesterday i'm referring to is Tuesday... i didnt go class at all... phew... how am i gonna survive??? i'm making myself busy with pool now... they said i play like a guy now... i keep hitting the ball with full strength... maybe they're scared now! haha... well, fyi, that's how i play before i stop playing few years back... so, now i'm back!!! hehehehe... but i dont like myself being ignorance to my studies... i need to start putting discipline to myself back!!! need to become the good and angel tasha once again...

oh ya... i have another thing to tell you... i think now almost everybody in SCT know bout the rumours that been spreading around... they said that i'm someone's gf... of course i wont spell out the name here.... well... i dont know what to say... let's see what will happen tomorrow... most of my lecturers knew bout it too... especially miss sophia! phew... i'm gonna get a hard time trying to convince her that i'm not attach to anyone... i'm single!! no more guys after this... i'm tired... tired of being fool and cheated again and again...

Endy,
do you think that i should wait for him??? i love him... i really do... but there's no point of me waiting if he dont even care bout me... he might be attach to someone right now... well, what can i say... everybody wants him... unlike me... nobody wants me! well, minus all of the guys who admire me anyway... hehe... they're seriously not my type... as for nick... he's driving me crazy... his mom called my mom... telling her that me and him should get engage... crazy! there's no way that i'm going back to that guy! he's a nice guy... but it's impossible for us to live together... i know exactly who he is! i told my mom that he's no more my sweetheart.... i'm in love with someone else, even though that person doesnt love me... he dont even care bout me... but the most important thing is... i dont lie to myself... i'm being frank here to myself saying that i love him... yes, i know i should move on... i will... but it takes time... i'm gonna take my own sweet time... i'm still young... come on... i'm just 19! i have at least another 50 years to life on this earth... well, whatever it is.. i'm now 90% healed... just 10% stuck there with him... and i'm trying my best to get back my heart from him!i need it back to start a new life...

well, now i guess he's happy with his girl... i told him that i'm not gonna contact him anymore... i'm just gonna wait here for him... and until this second, i still manage to stop myself from messaging, calling and PMing him on MSN... i dont want to disturb him anymore... it's enough of me being hurt here... i dont want any other girls to face the same problem too.... and the most important thing of all... i know he just want to get rid of me... so, that's what i did... i do him a favor... i get rid of myself from him... i know he wont tell me to stop contacting him... because he's that kinda person... he dont speak... not like me... i speak my heart out! now, i guess he's having a peaceful life there without my name...

Natasha Farhana Leow,
you're born to be the winner... you're born to have the limelight... you're born to lead... you're born to have a successful life! well, you shouldn't be sa anymore... why the hell did you cry yesterday afternoon? you cry over a love song? ridiculous!did u see how stupid you are? longing for someone that dont even care bout you!everybody look up on you... why should you look back and cry while everybody is expecting you to do great? everybody beleives that you'll make a change... a major one! you did it before... why not now?? it's not that you're not used to it! use your loud voices to help others! use your capability of public speaking to change everyone's thinking! i thought that was your main issue before this??? you wanna fight for liberalization, right? where is that ambitious Tasha? has she gone mad or something? where is your women's right proposal? start to work on it! grab back your level of confidence... you're doing great now... everybody actually notice you now! almost everybody in school recognise you now... so, find the right time to shoot the issues! you're not looking for attention... it's just your nature that people pay attention on you! it's not because of your style or dress up... it's the way you bring yourself! stop hiding because no matter how hard you try to hide, people will still notice that Natasha is right there... they notice you for your uniqeness... come on Tasha... wake up from this nightmare! your studies need you... your company need you... how will the textile business gonna run if you didnt pay attention on it??? you're doing great on importing it!! dealing with dealers all over Malaysia... you're doing a good job! you're a very good executive marketing person... keep it up!

phew.... what the hell? i'm i praising myself too high? haha... who cares... i'm back... my level of confidence are reaching the skies now... well, you can call it ego or pride... whatever... because i just dont care anymore... i felt better now!! thanks for being here with me Endy... how i wish that you're still here on earth... maybe i'll fall in love with you! hahaha...such a gentleman... i adore you! Serena is very lucky to have you as her guy... it's just that fate didnt allow us to be together... but she's doing great... she's happy with her work now... i met her sometimes for cup of coffee... but deep in her eyes, i could see how much she loves you... until today Endy... she couldnt forget you... i could see that... dont worry... i'll have an eye on her.... i'll monitor her for you...

ok Endy... i better get some rest today... i'm tired... i went to AC last night... then we went to A&W and ss13 for supper and straight to Golden Break Pool just nearby the Mentari Court... hehe... i dont know how many hours i played today... i guess it's my passion now! haha... ok, see you soon... i love you pal! byebye....

longing for you,
Natasha Farhana Leow