Monday, July 07, 2008

I'm Not Ready For Oracle Exam!

Time: 04:46 a.m.
Venue: IndahVilla Condo, Living room!
Mood: Panic!
Condition: Tired!
Currently: Studying Oracle 9i!

yeah, i know i was supposed to study my Oracle right now. i'm so stress that i decided to come here and talk to you. i finally came back to my place here in Indah Villa. maybe what Medo said was right. i'm wasting my money paying for the rental. i dont even go back home. i'm always there at his place. anyway, we plan to move in together soon. so, i'm have to pack my stuff from now on. it's ok. i have until end of this month to move out. hehe. i'm so worried on my exam later in the afternoon. my paper is at 2.30p.m.

we're gonna be test both on practical and theory. 3 practical question and 3 theory question. phew... i have to answer 5 out of 6. each consist of 20 marks. so, obviously i'm gonna take all the 3 practical questions. so, let's say i got 50 marks for that practical part which gonna be converted into 25 marks, and assuming i got around 35 for my assignment which will total up to 60 marks altogether. so, i need to score at least 10 marks in theory part in order to get A. OMG! i'm so gonna panic later in exam hall.

well, not to blame god... but why must he give me dengue fever and asthma at the same time last week? i need my time to study! seriously... i'm gonna fail! i mean... fail to get A! maybe this is another test for me? phew... how many test should i get in a time, god? seriously, i'm stuck here with all the notes! you know me Endy. i need 3 days to memorize all of this 6 chapters! i tried my best to memorize everything. yes, i understand everything bout the DBMS, but i believe that i have to memorize in order to get A. this is Malaysia. they mark our paper the Malaysian way, which is word-by-word marking. damn it!

sharon is already sleeping in my room. she's having exam in the morning. i dont feel sleepy but i think i need to sleep for a while later because i'm scared that i'll be snoring in the exam hall later in the afternoon. after exam i'll be meeting my beloved Medo. we're going out to Pyramid. yeah, sounds funny huh? i'm excited to go to Pyramid. do you know how long i didnt step my foot in Pyramid?? i think about a month! i miss Starbucks! and it's been a long time since me and Medo went out for a date. we're always stuck at home. i'm busy and he's also busy. i think the last time we actually went out for a nice dinner is on my birthday and that is like a month and half.

i really cant wait to finish up that paper. then i wanna go back and get ready to go out. phew... it's a 3 hours paper! damn it! i'm gonna go crazy sitting inside there doing all those shit! i just wanna think about Pyramid! Yayyyy... tomorrow i'm gonna buy necklace! and i'm planning to buy one dress too! i found one dress in Pyramid the other day! so happy! i wanna wear that dress when i meet my parents this week! oh, did i mention that my parents is coming to KL this week? they're gonna help me buying my car. my mom also gonna buy me my ipod! been waiting for that for so long. when i think about all the reward that she's giving me, i felt better! i feel so pampered when my mom bought me stuff! haha... this is not good, Tasha! you're not suppose to spoil yourself! hahhaha... that ipod is actually my 20th birthday present. she doesnt have the chance to give it to me earlier since she's in Penang!

whatever it is... i'm more excited to meet my parents than anything else. they seems to be okay now. i couldnt be happier Endy. sometimes, i'm scared to live my life without them but i know i have to get used to it. i'm a big girl now. i cant be depending on my parents. i love them too much to burden them. i'm quitting studies because of them. so, i hope they'll work less after this. i dont want them to suffer because of my studies. they really got affected because of my studies. i knew i could keep that dream and find a good job for myself. i can do this, because i am Tasha. there's nothing easy in my life. Academy of Arts, you'll have to wait few more years for me to come! San Francissco, i'm gonna be there in few more years. just wait for me! i'm coming! i promise myself that i'll make it. i can disappoint anybody, but not myself. i love myself too much.

next week, i'm officially not a student anymore. no more classes. no more MMPL. no more CLC. no more lecture. no more skipping class. no more assignment! no more exam. and most important thing of all, no more suffering face of my parents. they can take a break now. it's time for me to take care of myself and of them.i'm trying my best here to be happy with this stupid Diploma. i have to learn to be satisfied that my education stops here. sometimes, i feel angry to some student who have the opportunity to study, even in luxury and they're wasting it. guys, you're so lucky to be blessed. do you know how much i keen for a degree? do you know how much i wanted to continue my education? do you know how fancy is my dreams?

everytime i think and talk about this, my tears started to drop. i dont know why. i'm weak Endy. i need you. only you understand me! i wish i could continue my degree next year. i will do anything to get that dreams! well, except for exchanging it with Medo or my family. never! this is my strength. i'll never survive without Mama, Papa and Medo. Mama, thanks for those beautiful word you gave me. Papa, thanks for all those advice. Medo, thanks for all the hugs and kisses and not to forget, thanks for wiping my tears and for being there when i needed you the most. i dont know why. since April 2007 til now, i'm always crying. why Endy? why? is this process of growing up? or it's just me being weak?

you know that i love you and i will never leave you with any chances. i really need you in my life. i know you're always there for me. i know how much you care about me. i know that you're always worried about me. trust me honey, i can take care of myself, even though it's tough living my life in this world. i'm glad that god sent you for me. i was still in the process of healing when i met you once again this year. i'll always remember your word, "Believe in Destiny". i promise i'll be strong. i promise i'll always be there for you. i'm sorry for being such a bad girlfriend. i'm sorry for arguing with you, EVERYDAY. i'm sorry that i'm not as beautiful as other girls. i'm sorry with my peculiar attitude. i'm sorry that i'm not good enough for you. i just know one thing and i'm very sure of it. i love you and i wanna live my life with you.

Endy, i'll continue next time. i wanna get some rest. i dont feel like studying anymore. bye!

I'm not prepared for exam,

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