Sunday, July 01, 2007

Lonely & unsecure...

Time: 12:50 p.m.
Venue: My sad room
Mood: Frustrated
Condition: almost give up
Currently: building up my trust in him..

Endy,
i dont know why... everybody seems to be against us... everybody says that i shouldn't wait for him... but i insisted... i wanna wait for him.... well... everybody says that he didnt treat me well... we're lack of communication... yes... i admit that... but... i knew he have things to do... if i dont understand him, who would?? right?? yes... sometimes i doubt bout him... but i think my love for him had beat all of the unnecessary feelings... i love him so much... i have too much to think of... i've dissapointed my family... i rejected so many opportunity... but now... the only thing i have is love... at least i have something to be proud of... and i knew i'll work harder to improve my cgpa back... phew... it's seriously hard Endy... i wish i could stop all this... right now.. i'm feeling so stress... i cant wait to go back penang... i wanna meet my mom... my dad... my brothers... at least i could talk to them... i miss my bro so much!! miss all the football match we have... basketball game... miss playing ps2 with them... miss arguing with them... i miss fighting with them... pheww.... miss everything bout my family...

right now... i'm worried Endy... am i doing the right thing?? am i waiting for someone who really love me?? he didnt answer my question Endy... i felt unsecure... i asked him few times... do you love me? i dont know either he refuse to answer... or it's just the connection... i dont know... should i give up?? well... u know me... i could wait even another one decade... i just need some sure answer... even though we cant be together after this because of certain circumstances, i'll take that as fate... at least i knew he love me... it's just fate... that we dont belong together.... what should i do now Endy?? i didnt sms him these days... i just want to give him a break... i know he need some space... so i think i should leave him alone...

one thing for sure... i dont want him to treat me nicely just because he pity me... i dont fix things that way... i dont want anybody to accept me just because he pity me or whatever... i want him to accept me because he have the same feelinds there... i'd rather suffer not having him than having him with the word pity! i dreamt bout him every night now Endy... i woke up every morning perspirating... u know me right... i rarely dream of anything... maybe i was just thinking too much... Endy... i think i need to go now... feel like crying now... bye...

i felt lonely & unsecure,
Natasha


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