Sunday, May 30, 2010

Happy Belated birthday natasha.

Time: 11.40 p.m.
Venue: Home.
Mood: i dont know.

Endy,
it's been a while since we last talk. honestly, i miss you. i miss talking to you everyday. i dont know why i dont have the urge to type lately. was it the environment, or was it just me? there's million things i wanna share with you. it's just that, i dont know how to begin with.

i am 22 this year. i turn 22 last week. yes, last week was my birthday. hundreds of people wishes me happy birthday, without knowing that i was having a high fever. i had a throat infection and i'm still healing until today. hopefully, i'll be better tomorrow. i barely eat anything. is this a sign from god? saying that i dont behave well?

what do i achieve at this age? i didnt see anything great about me. i'm suppose to finish degree this year, but i dont even enroll in any course. i'm so lost in this life. lost track of time, lost track of life. sometimes i feel like i'm gasping, warping for help. i just didnt see 10 years from now. what am i gonna be? i want to be higher than this. i want to be that Tasha that i dream off. but how?

i think i've put too much expectation in myself. i thought that it was good. now, i could see that it's just ruining my life. i dont want something called whimsical in my storyline. i want success. i want A. i want number 1. i want THE BEST. that's something everyone would want in life. the question is, HOW? do you ever stop and think about this? how do we reach the highest level of society? how do we reach the highest level of a human being?

on my birthday, my mother send me a very meaningful birthday sms. she said, in life, we can never give up. she says, we cant quit. because quitting is just losing. i was wondering if she saw me falling apart? is it that obvious that i broke my heart into pieces and it was never patch? was it that obvious that i'm so frustrated with life that i just let it be? was it that obvious that i GAVE UP in my studies? was it?

Studies: GONE
Love: GONE
Family: GONE
Life: ????

how do i fill that question mark?

Happy 22nd Birthday Tasha. Just another year of being nobody.

i hate my life,
Tash

3 comments:

dekkai said...

it's ok tasha :)

u still have us. friend :)

Natasha said...

thanks dekkai... aku tahu korng sentiasa ada...

thenine09 said...

hey Tasha. saw ur blog link on facebook and thought it was maybe ur portfolio blog, but since its more of a personal blog - i shall not read further but regarding this post - dont feel let down! :) just keep strong cs life has its surprises and cant be great all the time! :) dont give up, hold onto ur dreams and dont let people get u down! tc.

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