Long Distance Relationship...

...is the toughest shit ever.

oh yeah, trust me it's hard. randomly i google up some keywords and ended up on long distance relationship stuff. well, i spent hours reading the website and i think i'm gonna give it a shot with my man. I do love this man, and, i'm gonna make sure it works. At least, one day, i could look up to myself and say, "I've tried", if things doesn't go well. 

Here's some article that i think every couple out there (who's in long distance relationship) should know.

• How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
• Love Letter
• Long Distance Relationship Activities & Ideas
• 100 Questions
• Online Multiplayer Games for Long Distance Relationship

yeah, LAUGH and call me insane for googling this. Even i am laughing at myself right now. believe it or not, you want to click and read those article. 

AND YES,

YOU CAN THANK ME LATER!

Tash

Gamble?

Life is a gamble,
at least that's what i believe.

Love is always painful,
at least that's what i believe.

I've been hurt, been cheated, been abandoned & been fooled.
But i've never give up on love as i do believe that there's someone out there for me.

No matter how painful the process of looking for the right one,
I'll never ever give up as i believe that Life is a gamble.

I think I am making the right decision.
I think things will work out with the next one.

Even if it doesn't,
I'll learn a new level of pain,
I'll gain a brand new experience of life,
And I'll be much much wiser in choosing my path.

Sayang.

Sayang.
Satu perkataan yang sangat mendalam.


Fikir habis-habis sebelum sebut.
Analisis betul-betul hati dan perasaan.


Benda tu nyata atau sementara?


Jangan sakitkan hati orang.
Jangan bagi janji tak pasti pada orang.


Yang pasti,
Aku belum ready nak sayang sape2 pun. 

A life lesson from Fazlin.

I met an old friend.
Last time i saw her was 12 years ago.
She was recently married to a very nice man.
That man was her classmate back in high school.

From what I've heard...
she doesn't really go through the process of "relationship".
They were casually meeting up and going out as friend. (correct me if i'm wrong)
Decided to get married on 31st December 2011.
Now, she's pregnant.

My observation,
She look happier than ever.
Still being herself, the girl i used to know 12 years ago.
The stories she told me was really really funny.

Yes,
She complaint bout her in-laws, her husband being hopeless-romantic, etc.
But if you see the glow on her face, the endless happiness in her eyes...
There's no words that could elaborate those feelings.

Honestly,
I envy her.
She's lucky.

but... to think of it.
Maybe that is the way?
Stop the relationship crap.
Be casual, and, when the time comes, tie the knot.

P/s: Fazlin, only god knows how happy I am for you. You've found happiness. You've settled down like totally. CONGRATULATIONS! Also, Thank you for opening my eyes, that happiness could be that simple.

Tasha

Question?

It's time to seriously make decision.
Question is, what will i decide?
Am i doing the right thing?
I love you, but, it seems that you've lost the spark.

Goodbye???

Al-Quran

Ade beberapa persoalan timbul bila tgk video ni. So, cuba kaji lagi. tambah berminat dgn sejarah tamadun manusia. benda ni makes sense jugak. Charles Darwin menipu selama ni? Well, tak pernah percaya pun Charles Darwin tu. Manusia evolves dari monyet? LOL. 

Jadi, tadi tatau kenapa pegi carik bacaan Al-Quran Surah 1 sampai 20 (sempat download sampai situ je). Then carik terjemahan. Then carik website yg ade huraian terjemahan. Carik forum perbincangan. Well, i think i know what to do for the rest of this 3 months holiday!

My brother gave me a very interesting link THE REVELATION. A very long read, so take your time reading it. As much as I would on my Al-Quran. Hopefully we'll get some answer during the long enjoyable reading. 

BTW, I'm back in Penang! 

Tasha

New Year Resolutions?

This year keep it simple.

1. To know more friends in Taylor's.
2. To get 4.0 C.G.P.A.
3. To draw and paint better.
4. To drink water, instead of soda.
5. To lose 20kg. HAHAHAHA.
6. To blog religiously.


HAPPY NEW YEAR.

What's yours?

I'm back, I promise!

Hello fellow bloggers!

Yes,

i've been missing for the whole year. WTF happen to me? Truth is, i've lost interest to update my blog. but i do feel empty without having a schedule to write something everyday. So, i guess i'm back to this line. Gonna start writing starting today onwards. might be a tough one to follow though, since i've leave blogging world for so long. so pardon me for my bad grammar and lack of vocabulary. i've lost the dictionary in my head! 

*****

So, what's up with you guys? How's life? Yes, i really mean this question. do drop by and comment. i do read everyone's comment. My life have been kinda crooked this year. well, there's three things that happen to me during this year. 

first, i dump Jack last year. he's a total jerk. doesn't really matter now. i have someone better. oh yeah, feel free to judge me. i can jump into relationship faster than a train. life is short, why spend time to think either he's the one or not? just be with him and see if it works. for now, i'm still on a fence bout this new guy. 

second, as i posted earlier, i finally continue my degree. I'm doing B.A. (Hons) Graphic Communication Design at Taylor's University, Lakeside Campus. so, if anyone happens to be there, do contact me. we could go for a  drink or something. it's a nice place to hangout. i've finish my first semester, A VERY TOUGH FIRST SEMESTER, and i'm not even happy with my results. Taylor had been a different study environment for me. i mix with the right student, go to class religiously, attendance is 98%, stay back till 5a.m. just to finish up a project, meet my lecturer everyday and yada yada yada. so, i am very disappointed when i get bad result. anyways, i will make sure my next semester will be better, and more A for me! This is my dream for heaven's sake. i need to work my ass up!

(will upload the pic of the result once my internet is fine)

third, i think i lost all of my bestie. for some reason, they seems so far away. maybe it's something i did, maybe it's something i said, i don't know. i tried asking, and nobody gave me the exact answer. so yeah, i guess i'll just let it go and move on with my life. i will make new friends, which i already have, and start a really fresh new life. i will never let anyone interfere into my feelings anymore. nobody could make me feel bad, even though i lost my bestie or whatsoever. 

anyways people, i will be having 3 months holiday. My next intake will be on April the 8th. i think i will enroll into drawing and painting class during this holiday. need to enhance my skills for next semester. 

Lastly, Welcome back Tash to blogging world. I've missed this actually. blogging for me is like soul searching. to write what i feel, and whatever that i like. it's very refreshing. i want to have that feeling once again. 

I'm back, I promise!

Till then.

Tasha Leow

A new life ahead!

Yes people! I would like to scream to the whole world. After 3 years of waiting, and working compulsively in a ridiculous field, I am finally stepping my feet into a campus once again.

(photo randomly taken from google)

Well, it's gonna be a 3 years of BA (Hons) Graphic Communication Design course in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. Trust me, I fall in love the first time i went there! Ok, this is just a graphical picture, but i promise to upload real picture taken from my DSLR! lets just hope I still know how to use a camera. lol.

I'll be driving down to Sunway later and I haven't pack a thing. LOL silly me. Will start packing after typing this entry. As promised, i will start writing on this blog once again. I've been on hiatus for too long already.Frankly speaking, I am so excited to start a new life ahead, holding up the the same title i once had, a student. However, i do need to brush up on my sketching and drawings. I hope i'll do just fine. please pray for me!

I do have one issue with nicknames though. I'm sort of in a dilemma.... either to make people still call me Tash or just Ace. lots of people been calling me Ace now. So, what do you think?

Till then, GOOD LUCK to me.

Lots of love,

Tash

Back to your root, back to ground zero.

When you're successful,
always remember the ground.


When you're on top of the world,
always look down to your root.


When you're nothing,
climb up the ladder again.


When everything falls apart,
go back home.


The best place in the world!


I'm coming home, next month.
I'm done here.


back to my root.
back to ground zero.

Tasha

Yaasin

Sumpah, aku tenang lepas berkali-kali baca surah ni.

Sepanjang minggu stress.

Sepanjang minggu otak celaru sangat.

Fikirkan solution untuk setiap masalah yang ada.

Sampai aku lupa.

Lupa kewujudan Dia.

Pencipta yang satu.

Astagfirullah al-azim.

Tasha

Apa kena dgn aku ni?

Tasha,

Boleh tak dalam hidup ni jangan banyak fikir sangat?

Boleh tak cuba relax and enjoy life?

Apa kena dgn aku ni?

Benda yang dah perfect, lagi nak fikir macam-macam.

Aku perfectionist ke? 

Damn. Aku bukan perfectionist.

Orang selalu cakap,

Aku bertuah ada mak bapak orang senang.

Aku bertuah sentiasa ada "someone"caring dengan aku.

Aku bertuah ada kawan-kawan yang paling setia.

Aku bertuah hidup tak perlu fikir nak survive.

Orang tak nampak,

Mak bapak aku tak mewahkan aku.

That "someone" pun need a break from relationship kadang-kadang.

Kawan-kawan kesayangan aku semua stay jauh, especially Tiqah.

Yes, tak perlu fikir nak survive. Betul la sangat kan?

Aku rasa aku dah mula jadi manusia depressed macam dulu.

Damn lah. 

Aku taknak depressed.

Aku nak that Tasha yang happy.

Aku happy dengan "dia".

Sangat happy actually.

Tapi apa lagi yang aku cari?

Perfection?

I don't think so.

'coz no shit is perfect in this world.

Tapi, still, i miss that December.

Bulan yang sangat-sangat happy.

I was with my dear BFF and babes.

Then he came to Penang for a short vacation.

Things started to fall into places.

I start planning out for my new life.

*****

Right now,

I'm living that new life of mine.

It's been perfect.

Well, at least for me it is.

So what's wrong Tasha?

Stop thinking.

Boleh tak pegang prinsip hidup Alex?

Live for today, tomorrow is another story!

Tasha

A Fresh Start!

Hi there everyone,

My apologize for the longest hiatus ever. 

i'm not busy, i'm not occupied with anything, nothing, TOTALLY nothing. 

What I've been doing lately then?

Well, I travel back and forth, tweaking my mind, thinking deep, WHAT'S NEXT?

Received a job offer from a company that i really want, REJECTED it.

Why? Because i still believe in that DEGREE i was waiting for.

*****

CHAPTER 23

Yes, I'm 23 this year. so, this is chapter 23 of my blog, and of my life. If you're a follower of this damn blog, you'll know what's first on my wishlist, a DEGREE. 

Tomorrow, I'm leaving Penang once again. Just like what i did 4 years ago. A young girl with big dreams, stepping into Sunway University, hoping to cope among the best of education. Did i get it? Yes. Did i enjoy my college life? Definitely, Yes. Did i excel in studies, Hell yeah! Graduated class of 2008, together with Ellyshia, Melita, Su Weng, Raymond and Vishminna. Yes, only us left. we started as 14 in the class. just us left. 

Gosh, how i miss Aaron and Azuan's lame joke. How i miss them floitering around with me in Subang. How i miss playing poker and pool with them. How i miss skipping class with them, and hanging out at Orange. How i miss competing in classes. how i miss being the most outstanding student in class. how i miss walking in the college and people looking at me as if i'm a freak. damn, i miss everything about college. i miss that title.

Tomorrow, 

Will be a new life for me. a brand new life. i will gasp every single breath i have, with courage and with all i had to bet, to that title, once again, STUDENT. This time, it's sweeter than ever. I am nobody's burden. I'm on my own. For bad or worst, it's on me now. My decision all the way. They don't know how much this mean for me. even if i have to really suffer this 2 years of education, i will go through it, with whatever is left with me.

I've pack my bags. Settle up my documents. Got myself a job. Enrolled in February intake. Applied for scholarships. I'm fully confident that i'm almost done right here. ALMOST. i just need a proper place to stay. so far, i'm staying kinda far from college. a friend's place. an old mate. Emi. remember her?

Besides all that,

Family are getting better. Mom got herself a new civic as a birthday present from dad. it shows that their relationship is getting better. well, i better keep praying for their happiness. they deserve each other, despites whatever shit that happens to our family. Our family business are also expanding. mom open a new branch of her shop. Dad got promoted as the CEO. brothers are all fine. 

I broke up with Jack. Why? I don't think i want to reveal it here. let me just say, he's a nice person, but he's not ambitious enough for me. he just wants to settle for average. you guys of all people knows it well that i'm not average. oh yes, i believe in myself. i am EXTRAORDINARY. 

The truth is, 

when i was with Jack, i suffered for the last few months of our relationship. Now, I'm with someone better. Someone who deserves me more than anyone else. someone that i failed to see at first. Someone, who started as a friend. For now, he wants to remains anonymous. he wants us to ride low. I respect that decision. so for now, my mouth is sealed. 

******

Everything is falling into places now. things seems to be better, or wonderful, may i say. i've come this far, and, i'm not looking back. for now, i have a new plan in life. my new plan in life is to live for today, and not to worry bout tomorrow. there's always a way out. don't worry too much, dont structure yourself too hard, dont pressure your soul too bad. you deserve to sit back and enjoy this life. trust me, things will fall into places, by itself. dont try to fix anything that is not broken. 

Right now,

can i finish this studies with honour? can i cope to work and support myself without my parents help? can i cope with studies? can i get used to the new environment? can i survive this new relationship with that special someone? will i actually be with him forever? will i be an ART DIRECTOR as i've always wish since i was a little girl? will i be as successful as my babes in future? will i sit in the same table as future doctor, future lawyer, future pharmaceutic, future accountant and future remizer in 5 years time? The answer is, NO. NO for, WHO THE HECK KNOWS? sit back and enjoy the ride god crafted for you. 

Dont worry too much.

I've made a wrong turn once or twice. 

This is my life.

Still standing, with pride,

Tasha Leow

Freaking Update!

Ok guys, sorry for the freaking long hiatus. i freaking forget my password.

I'm in KL and i didnt bring my laptop. Obviously i'm so pampered with Chrome saved password features that i forgot my password totally.

Some shits that i gotta tell you guys:

• i broke up with Jack on New Year's eve.
• i'm a registered student of Bachelor of Design (hons) in Visual Communication.
• i'm currently with someone new, and i think he takes care of me excellently.
• i'm starting to feel that my life gonna be great after this.
• i don't care bout anything else, my future is my everything.
• i need to go SHOPPING for Chinese New Year.
• i will be back in penang by weekends.
• i miss my babes, all of them.

till then...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

I'm so freaking back,
Tasha Leow

I am Tasha Leow.

I want to be her. 

I don't want to be Ace.

I want to be that Tasha who used to be happy.

I want to be that Tasha who used to be ignorance.

I want to be that Tasha who never care bout feelings.

I want to be that Tasha who love herself more than anything.

I want to stop bothering people's life.

I want to stop wondering bout others.

I want to stop being so gloomy everyday.

I want to stop being so predictable to others.

I think it's decision time.

I think i can go through this on my own.

I think Jack deserve to be free.

I think he can do better without me.

But how?

How do i do this?

I love him dearly.

I miss him dearly.

Maybe i'm being too clingy.

Maybe i'm being too weak.

Come on Tasha.

You can do this.

You've done it with Medo.

You can do it with Jack.

Stop bothering him.

Stop running to him.

You can solve your own stuff.

You can be yourself once again.

You can stand up like you used to be.

You can be the person i used to know.

Try your best Tasha.

For what it's worth.

Where is that Tasha Leow?

Who used to be so powerful.

Holding every single piece of her life.

Drawing every single path of her life.

Like there's no tomorrow.

P/s: Help me, being myself. Be that Tasha who didn't need a man in her life. That Tasha who just call her guy once a week. Giving him enough space to breath, and to live his own private life. GOOD LUCK Tasha.

I miss myself,

Tasha Leow

I am Ace. You're Jack.

I'm done, calling you.
I'm done, looking for you.
I'm done, thinking bout you.
I'm done, trying to make things work.


From now on....


If you remember me, you call me.
If you need me, you look for me.
If you miss me, you'll think bout me.
If you LOVE me, you'll work things out.


For now, 
i've put all my cards on the table,
played my part of the game,
just waiting for your turn,
to flip your card.


I am Ace.
You're Jack.


No matter what we played,
I have nothing to lose.


REMEMBER THAT.

Ace

Heart to Heart with Jack

I know i'm not suppose to write this here.
But for the sake of remembering this event.
I'm gonna share it here with you guys.
Here it goes.


I had a fight with Jack.
A big fight, that could end our relation.


Reason?
I don't know.
I thought that he changed. 
He thought that I changed.


I have an instinct.
I damn strong one.
Saying that he's hiding something.
Saying that he's up to something.


How?
I don't know.
I can't explain.
It's just my instinct.


Being us, we decided to talk.
and we did, yesterday morning.
We talked, we argued, we discussed.
and, we RECONCILE.


Yes we're fine now.
Just one thing bothering me.
One thing that Jack said to me.
Which totally slaps me into reality.


Imran had been such a great influence in my life.
That I actually feel down whenever something happens.


But with Jack, i just feel stress-out and pissed.
All i wanted is to get out of the trouble and forget it.


Jack made me realize that our relationship is so different.
That i can't never love him the way i love Imran.


NEVER.
Because he is who he is.


I've been talking bout a level.
A very high level of True Love.
I believe that Ace and Jack will be there.
One fine day. Not never. Just not now.


So, here we are.
Back to square one.
Except, things changed.
Now, I love him more.
and he loves me more.


Jack,
I hope we will survive this relationship.
Because I know that I love you so much.
I don't want any other guy in my life.
I just want you.
Only you.

Your Ace.

Guess who?

Tadi aku rasa tak sedap hati.
Ntah feeling insecure.
or maybe it's just my hormone.
i PM one of my friend.
because i know he would tell me the truth.
even if it'll crush my head.

and, he came out with a very convincing words.
something that calm me straightaway.
seriously, he's so direct.
well, that's why we're best friend.

wakakakakak tak bagi aku copy tu. too bad. i just have to share this. kawan aku puji aku ok! i have to share this. thanks!

obviously, this is just part of the conversation.
and obviously i scratch all names, except mine.
i dont have to tell the world what's my issue.

so, let the game begin.
whoever can guess correctly,
i belanja you makan.

ok?

P/s: Sometimes i just miss being Tasha Leow, instead of Ace Heart. Jack, can i be single for a day? LOL.

Tasha Leow

Isu kecik

Aku ada satu isu kecik.

Bila aku nak menstrual, aku akan teringin makan something.

Benda yang aku nak makan tak tetap.

Kadang-kadang KFC.

Kadang-kadang nasik lauk ikan keli bakar.

Kadang-kadang nak makan mushroom soup yg B masak. *ok i just miss his cooking, not him*

Kadang-kadang just a small piece of chocolate will do.

Bila aku nak menstrual, aku emosi.

Aku cepat sakit hati.

Aku cepat kecik hati.

Aku cepat naik angin (errr mmg aku baran pun, tp this is worst)

****

Berbalik pada isu kecik tu.

Aku pegi beli makanan yang aku nak tu.

Pegi beli dengan mama aku.

Masa beli, aku mention dekat dia, aku teringin.

Aku tanya dia, "nak tak? I beli 2".

Dia ckp, "taknak".

Balik rumah, aku terus naik atas.

Online, then aku tertido.

Pukul 4 pagi aku terbangun, lapar.

Memang kadang-kadang aku makan lewat macam ni.

Balik kerja aku slalu takde mood nak makan.

Aku turun bawah, macam biasa.

Found out that someone ate my food.

I'd bet a million dollar it's mama.

Because my abah don't eat that.

Neither does my brother.

Because he's fast asleep by then.

Ok, memang satu isu kecik.

Yer yer, korang akan ckp, dengan mama pun nak berkira ke?

But that's not the issue.

Aku nak menstrual.

Aku TERINGIN.

It's fucking 4 a.m. here.

Where can I buy that shit?

My feeling are mixed right now.

Sedih, frustrated, angry, cranky. cranky, cranky.

She tak faham kah malam tadi aku dah cakap, aku TERINGIN?

Or she purposely ignore the fact that I want that shit.

Aku dah tanya malam tadi, nak ke taknak?

At least leave for me some.

Seriously, i feel like knocking her door, and question her bout this.

But I fucking know that it's rude to fucking knock someone's door at 4 a.m.

The thing is, why should i care bout being rude while she dont even think of me?

Oh ya, maybe that's what i call civilization.

I still think bout others, while she doesn't seem to care!

Ok people, you may start.

Judge me.

Ramble to me.

Talk shit bout me. 

Yeah it's my mom.

But if she's my mom,

she should know better.

****

Aku ada satu isu kecik.

And it'll always be bout mom.

Where people will come to me,

and "advice" me to be a good daughter.

It's nothing, really.

Just, satu isu kecik.

For once, please don't judge me.

I'm just a menstrual woman who didn't get her stuff.

Maybe you won't understand.

Because you've got the most perfect mom in the world.

Trust me, 

My mom and I, go wayyyyy behind.

Today,

She really remind me of who I am with her.

Eight years ago.

Aku ada satu isu kecik.

And i'm gonna deal with it tomorrow morning.

Which I know, I'll get a denial answer.

Damn, klise gile!

PREDICTABLE.

So, baik takyah tanya.

Besok ajak my besties pegi makan.

And besok aku sure perang dingin.

I won't talk, THE WHOLE DAY.

Ok everyone, stop judging me.

The reason why I write it here,

is because I don't want to confront her.

It makes me relax, typing here.

So, stop being paranoid over me,

talking shit bout my mom.

I just need a one-stop-solution,

to talk crap and shits.

I'll be fine by tomorrow.

Aku ada isu kecik.

Hangpa semua toksah dok buat kalut sangat.

Komen biaq elok skit, takyah nasihat bagai.

Cuba komen simpati skit. 

Aku tak dapat apa aku nak.

TAKYAH komen cakap,

TAK BAIK cakap macam tu pasal mak.

Tu aku tau. Takyah habaq.

Thank you, for reading this session of therapy.

Maryam besok jom teman aku pi Sg. Ara!

Nak makannnnnnnn.

Tasha Leow

BMI

Guys, do you still remember my ENTRY on BMI.


in that entry, i said, i will only remove that BMI shit on the left of my blog, when i lost 15kg.


i tried the widget today and this is what i've got.

I am considered NORMAL! 

How cool is that?

LOL.

i used to be OVER-WEIGHT.

ok, i am still fat. need to lose another 8kg. 

Yes Tasha. 

Just 8 more.

and 8 is my lucky number.

wish me luck everyone!

P/s: i need to look gorgeous on christmas party, New Year Eve, 9 Weddings (yes, most of my friend gave up being single), and most important of all, i need to look gorgeous when i step into Lim Kok Wing!

Getting there,

Tash