Gamble?

Life is a gamble,
at least that's what i believe.

Love is always painful,
at least that's what i believe.

I've been hurt, been cheated, been abandoned & been fooled.
But i've never give up on love as i do believe that there's someone out there for me.

No matter how painful the process of looking for the right one,
I'll never ever give up as i believe that Life is a gamble.

I think I am making the right decision.
I think things will work out with the next one.

Even if it doesn't,
I'll learn a new level of pain,
I'll gain a brand new experience of life,
And I'll be much much wiser in choosing my path.

Soul searching...

What is love? Sometimes i wonder. Will it really fade, or true love just doesn't exist, and romeo and juliet stays as fiction. I need answers because from my observation, love is just a bullshit stuff. How do i determine which is right, which is wrong? I need some guidance to look into this matter. Have you ever wonder, where will a relationship leads you to? 

Yes, there's sad and happiness in every relationship. But what if all you see is darkness ahead? do you call it off and start a new one? Or do you just face the facts that no relationship is perfect. We need to work our ass out to make it perfect, to fit in into each other. The question is, if you know that you're no longer happy, why stay? Don't you just get sick of the same process again and again?

Sometimes you just wonder, why the fuck am i here? Arguing, then reconcile, argue again, make up again, had a big fight that both really got fedup of each other, then reconcile. When will this end? If you were in that situation, what is your action? 

Well, from my observation, if i'm in that situation, i'd say that he's no more interested in me. As if he's forced to be with me. The question is, why does he want to continue that relationship when he's already fedup of that girl? Why wait when he's already happy with someone else? that someone already stole his devoted attention, and now, even when he's around, you'll feel like he's just there as a statue. Doesn't really have a function. The feeling is just different. It's like having a cold beverage. You relieves your thirst, but it will never be enough.

The most confusing thing is, why things have to change? Is all men the same? They just made the best effort before they get you, and after that it's all bullshit. Am i too demanding if i want him to treat me the same way he treat me when we first started dating? Is it too much to ask? Is it the rules of universe that men just got fedup after some amount of time in relationship? Does beauty really matter in this case? When time flies, even the most beautiful woman can't keep her man loyal, because his love will just fade. Don't you just think that this is a FACT. not just my two cents of opinion.

Is there such thing as happily ever after? I don't think so. Right now, i sort of believe that love fades through time. Men will always get bored of their woman no matter what she did, No matter how much she sacrifies for him and no matter how much she have loved him. Maybe they're just blinded with the fakeness of the world. Or maybe the relationship that we all started is wrong in the first place? If so, what went wrong? Where did i do my mistake? By putting so much trust and hope on a man? By opening my heart so wide that he get the chance to steal it away and fool around with it?

Trust me, it's not worth it to have someone beside you, but not having him devoted to you. Even the smallest thing that hurt you or touch your heart. If he can't handle even the smallest responsibility, neither can't he on a big on, right? Am i asking too much from a relationship.

In life, i do believe that there's a ladder in every relationship. Friendship, lovers and family. You'll somehow develop a strange bonding, and the relationship will grow higher and higher. Relationship CAN'T stay static. It's either you climb up the ladder, or you climb down. Which will you prefer? from what i can see, most relationship among us are always declining. Why?

Imagine that you're put in that position. What will you do?

Take it, or leave it?

Archived of 26th April 2011, written via E71, by the beach.

Just a thought

Sometimes,

it's funny when the person u trusted the most....STAB YOU.

you feel hurt because that person never really understand you.... BUT JUDGE YOU.

that person that you hope will lead you through a great beginning... CRASH YOU.

the funny thing is,

you gave your heart to that person you adore the most,

and he kept throwing it away without thinking twice,

and you keep picking up that pieces he threw,

hoping that everything will go back to normal.

worst of all,

you have to pick up,

that broken pieces of your heart,

one by one, every single piece,

putting it back together,

in a painful long process,

just like playing jigsaw puzzle,

looking for a perfect match of each piece,

so that it'll be just as perfect as it used to be,

hoping that it will hold still,

until the day you find that eternity happiness.

i guess it's true, the saying,

"Women forgive but they don't forget"

for i have forgiven you, but i can always retrieve it all back.

May I ask you a question?

What do you doubt in me?

What did i do wrong?

Wasn't i good enough for you?

Why did you have to ask me such a question?

which all ruins my beautiful feeling towards you....

need i say more?

for i've fallen for you.

Ace

Day 3

Today,

When i'm working, with lot of customer today, I THINK OF YOU.

When i reach home, extremely exhausted, I THINK OF YOU.

When i'm about to fall asleep, I THINK OF YOU.

When i woke up at 3 in the morning, I THINK OF YOU.

When i login my Facebook, I THINK OF YOU.

When i look at your profile, I THINK OF YOU.

When i'm playing poker, I THINK OF YOU.

When i look at our happy photo, I STILL THINK OF YOU.

When i'm typing this entry, I STILL THINK OF YOU.

I'll hold you in my heart, till I can hold you in my arms.

I miss you, Jack.

Ace

Jack's Observing

Oh yes, today is the official date of My Jack observing this blog. he actually read my previous entry bout him. OH DAMN! lol. i dont know what he thought of it, but most of my friend said it was lovely.

So, the question here now is..... should i continue writing here, or should i stop writing bout Jack? He's reading this for sure. he even ask bout the 1 whole week that we spent together. when am i gonna write bout that?

well, it's not that i dont have any beautiful memories to capture here. it's just that i dont know where to start. even Maryam been waiting for that 1 week KL Trip update. lol. i know you girls care bout me. thanks!

ok what the heck, here you go!

*************************

Dear Jack,

Do you know that i'm starting to fall for you?

For every little things you do.

Every little things you said.

Every jokes you made.

Every story you told.

I just love the way you look at me.

I just love the way you hold my hands.

I just love the way you touch my face.

I just love the way you ask me questions.

I just love the way you got jealous over small things.

It's the small things that counts.

I just love the way we date.

I just love the way we hang out.

I just love the way we meet.

I just love the way we share stories.

I just love the way we say goodbye.

I just love the way we are. that's all.

All this while, you've been great.

I know, you're trying to be the best for me.

It's gonna be tough trying to impress my parents.

For whatever reason, I'm with you.

I promise that I'll support you in anything you do.

I promise that I'll give you number one place in my heart.

I promise that I'll be honest with you, all the time.

I promise that I'll be that girl sitting next to you, holding your hands when you needed me the most.

With that.

I just want one thing in return.

Prove to me that you really meant what you said.

That's all i'm asking.

Jack, I'm starting to fall for you ;)

P/s: good enough for a week update? LOL.

Ace

flaws

today,

i have found his flaws.

i got annoyed by that.

at first i thought it was just nothing.

but i think that's his real attitude.

he thinks girls should listen to him.

he thinks girls adores him to the limit he feels proud.

he's wrong.

you think i adore you that much?

you think i will just sit and listen?

you're wrong.

trust me, i am one in a million.

i'm not just ordinary.

i am brilliant, gorgeous, outgoing and....

....... i jump out of a page!

again, repeating what i said in my facebook,

Don't try to be better than my ex, he's a swimsuit model. thank you.

Ace