Valentine's spoiler!

Last year was maroon. This year I'm going for purple :)

1. Dark purple dress 
2. Gold accessories
3. Blue-purple nail color
4. Swarovski watch
5. Silk stilettos
6. MAC Vera - Dessert Cloud: deep blue purple 
7. A surprise gift.


Happy Valentine's Day.
Hope everything turns out well.
Please please please turn out gorgeous Tash. 

Orientation Leader

Alright, let's come clean, I sit at home all day long, thinking what to post for today's entry. I almost gave up on today's content. that's how bad I am at writing nowadays!!!

then, this email came in:

LOL..... this just made my day!

Such a good start for new year! 2012 is so gonna be a good year. It is my year btw. DRAGONNN!!!

Condolences

My deepest condolences to Kak Mynn who lost her father on 24th December 2011.

Yaasin.

A Fresh Start!

Hi there everyone,

My apologize for the longest hiatus ever. 

i'm not busy, i'm not occupied with anything, nothing, TOTALLY nothing. 

What I've been doing lately then?

Well, I travel back and forth, tweaking my mind, thinking deep, WHAT'S NEXT?

Received a job offer from a company that i really want, REJECTED it.

Why? Because i still believe in that DEGREE i was waiting for.

*****

CHAPTER 23

Yes, I'm 23 this year. so, this is chapter 23 of my blog, and of my life. If you're a follower of this damn blog, you'll know what's first on my wishlist, a DEGREE. 

Tomorrow, I'm leaving Penang once again. Just like what i did 4 years ago. A young girl with big dreams, stepping into Sunway University, hoping to cope among the best of education. Did i get it? Yes. Did i enjoy my college life? Definitely, Yes. Did i excel in studies, Hell yeah! Graduated class of 2008, together with Ellyshia, Melita, Su Weng, Raymond and Vishminna. Yes, only us left. we started as 14 in the class. just us left. 

Gosh, how i miss Aaron and Azuan's lame joke. How i miss them floitering around with me in Subang. How i miss playing poker and pool with them. How i miss skipping class with them, and hanging out at Orange. How i miss competing in classes. how i miss being the most outstanding student in class. how i miss walking in the college and people looking at me as if i'm a freak. damn, i miss everything about college. i miss that title.

Tomorrow, 

Will be a new life for me. a brand new life. i will gasp every single breath i have, with courage and with all i had to bet, to that title, once again, STUDENT. This time, it's sweeter than ever. I am nobody's burden. I'm on my own. For bad or worst, it's on me now. My decision all the way. They don't know how much this mean for me. even if i have to really suffer this 2 years of education, i will go through it, with whatever is left with me.

I've pack my bags. Settle up my documents. Got myself a job. Enrolled in February intake. Applied for scholarships. I'm fully confident that i'm almost done right here. ALMOST. i just need a proper place to stay. so far, i'm staying kinda far from college. a friend's place. an old mate. Emi. remember her?

Besides all that,

Family are getting better. Mom got herself a new civic as a birthday present from dad. it shows that their relationship is getting better. well, i better keep praying for their happiness. they deserve each other, despites whatever shit that happens to our family. Our family business are also expanding. mom open a new branch of her shop. Dad got promoted as the CEO. brothers are all fine. 

I broke up with Jack. Why? I don't think i want to reveal it here. let me just say, he's a nice person, but he's not ambitious enough for me. he just wants to settle for average. you guys of all people knows it well that i'm not average. oh yes, i believe in myself. i am EXTRAORDINARY. 

The truth is, 

when i was with Jack, i suffered for the last few months of our relationship. Now, I'm with someone better. Someone who deserves me more than anyone else. someone that i failed to see at first. Someone, who started as a friend. For now, he wants to remains anonymous. he wants us to ride low. I respect that decision. so for now, my mouth is sealed. 

******

Everything is falling into places now. things seems to be better, or wonderful, may i say. i've come this far, and, i'm not looking back. for now, i have a new plan in life. my new plan in life is to live for today, and not to worry bout tomorrow. there's always a way out. don't worry too much, dont structure yourself too hard, dont pressure your soul too bad. you deserve to sit back and enjoy this life. trust me, things will fall into places, by itself. dont try to fix anything that is not broken. 

Right now,

can i finish this studies with honour? can i cope to work and support myself without my parents help? can i cope with studies? can i get used to the new environment? can i survive this new relationship with that special someone? will i actually be with him forever? will i be an ART DIRECTOR as i've always wish since i was a little girl? will i be as successful as my babes in future? will i sit in the same table as future doctor, future lawyer, future pharmaceutic, future accountant and future remizer in 5 years time? The answer is, NO. NO for, WHO THE HECK KNOWS? sit back and enjoy the ride god crafted for you. 

Dont worry too much.

I've made a wrong turn once or twice. 

This is my life.

Still standing, with pride,

Tasha Leow

5 months...

Jack,
It's been 5 months.


I hope we'll be better.
I hope we grew stronger.
I hope we understand each other.
I hope you know that i just want to be together.


I've missed you at a point.
I've hated you at some point.
I've love you at a high point.
I've hope for you at that point.


I'm sorry.
For I've been such a mess.
With all my stupid attitude.
I guess, i was just being a woman.


Naturally complicated to understand.
Unpredictable feelings and attitude.
High expectation on the man I love.
Being so needy and clingy lately.


I just need you right now.
I'm going through a very tough process of my life.
Shits that i hate to admit that i'm really fucked up.
All i wanted is to be successful and shits happen.


5 months.
Happiness that we share.
Sorrow that we share.


Every single moment.
Every single routine.
Every single experience.
Every little thing.


That makes us.....US.
That Ace and Jack.
You're my Jack.
I'm your Ace.


Honestly,
I'm happy.
I'm honoured.
I'm pleased.


To be yours.
Just yours.
I'm yours.


Just sometimes,
I think you cross my limit.
You've cross that border.
That tested my patience.
and of course my love.


Sometimes,
When i need you.... you're not there.
When i want to talk to you.... you're not interested.
When i try to make you understand..... we're just not on the same page.


I love you, Jack.
And I'm the kinda person who BELIEVES in love.
And i believe we're meant to be together, forever.
That's the reason why i accepted you 5 months ago.


What I hope in the future is,
For you to put some effort for me.
For you to show that you love me.
Not just a word or promises.


You're so stiff. 
Yes, you are.


I'm sorry to say,
That other man takes care of me better than you do.
That other man makes me feel comfortable to talk to.
That other man really make effort to show that they love me.


I'm not comparing.
I don't even want to compare.
Because they're nobody in my life.
Just some man trying to win my heart.


The thing is,
My heart belongs to you.
I just hope you could show me.
That you really TREASURE me as your girl.


THAT'S ALL I WANTED.


SERIOUSLY, THAT'S ALL.


Whatever it is,
Happy 5 months anniversary ;)


I love my Jack.




P/s: Please don't take this as a sad note. I'm just concluding the whole 5 months. What happen between us. Nothing sad right now. I'm fine and I'm perfectly happy right now.

Your Ace,

Tasha Leow

Wishes

Happy Birthday, to a guy i used to love.

Imran Quadir.

May God bless you with a beautiful life.
Because, you deserve just the best in life.
You taught me the precious meaning of love.
You've shown me such care and tender.
You've been such an amazing person.
I've never been happier in my life.
And I will never be.


We might not belong together.
Deep inside us, we're fighting the urge.
The desire of wanting each other so badly.
The desire of missing each other so badly.
The piece of every precious moment we had.


The thing between us, called chemistry.
We're seriously perfect. So perfect.
That others envy us so much.
Wishing that they have what we had.


I am sorry.
I will never turn back.
As I belong to someone else now.
Someone who has been so amazing to me.
His name is Jack. My one and only Jack. 


Jack, I love you.
No one can deny that.
No one can change that.
No one will ever understand that.


Just you and me.
Cherishing our love.
Now and forever.


I believe in you.
Because I love you.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha Everyone

I'm yours, Jack,

Natasha

Happy Birthday Jack!

Jack,
Today is absolutely a great day.
A year older, a year wiser.
Best thing of all, you're with me.

We could spend time together.
We could talk our heart out.
We could have dinner together.
We could hangout together.

Damn,
Life is great, isnt it?
When you're back.
Being by my side.
On this special day.

I've missed you.
I've waited for you.

Today,
The day is finally here.
There's too much to celebrate today.
I'm just eager to meet you.
Seriously missed you.

Today,
I could hold your hands.
I could see your smile.
I could be angry at you.
I could argue with you.

Just because you're here.

You once told me that you didn't celebrate birthday.
Too bad, you have to celebrate that with me.
Because i cherish birthday more than anyone else.
And i'm gonna make sure that you enjoy yourself today.

I promise.

Happy Birthday Jack.
I hope you like your present ;)

Ace

mom's agenda

Today,

mom dragged me out of bed. urging me to get ready, as she wants to go to Queensbay for facial. Took me about 5 minutes to switch on my brain functionality. I got up and have a quick shower. Well, since i'm in a rush, i just put on my jeans and shirt. Something that you dont see me wear everyday. That's just me being lazy. lol.

As usual, i park my car near HSBC. i'm so lazy to park inside Qb. lol. we walk pass Kitschen and mom like one printed shirt. she try it on and she bought that. Then, we pass by Focus Point. Mom wanted to show me a shades that she's been wanting to get. Oh well, she's always been a Versace fans. In my opinion, it looks fake. So, i suggested she try on Dior. It's more chicks, i think. Yeah, she change her mind, and bought Dior shades. Very Paris Hilton kinda thing. Lol.

next, we were hunting for lunch! lol, trust me, choosing lunch wasn't easy. it's been a while since we, mother daughter, went out just the two of us. we decided to go fro Dave & Deli. we want something filling, but not fattening. hence the Dave & Deli. Both ordered quarter chicken, preferring the drumstick part. i always demand for drumstick. lol. had a great talk with mom. bla bla bla. yada yada yada.

After lunch, we went straight to Aster Spring. Mom wanted to try Dermalogica. for me, the facial is kinda pricy, RM298. i dont know bout you. my facial is usually less than rm200. then mom sign up for the Love Reward membership. they're offering 5 facial session + RM500 voucher for their product. total of those suppose to be rm3209, but there's a rebate. kinda good rebate though. mom only paid rm1650. then there's add-ons on the product. she wants this and that. so total up RM2069 or something like that. phew... i'm not gonna pay that price, seriously! 2k could get me ten Charles & Keith shoes! Ten ok!!!!! i'll be in heaven by then.

The facial will take about one and half hours, so i dont want to be dreadfully waiting there. my arse will be rotten by then! i walk around, and check out Clinique. i need to resupply my skincare. my Clinique is almost done. Mei Phing, the beauty consultant, wasn't there. she's on leave. take note that she's an excellent beauty consultant, plus, she's generous. there's another beauty consultant named Erica. i told her, i'm just looking around, and she served me well. thumbs up for them :)

Damn, i seriously hate floitering around alone in a mall. I've got an idea. i quickly walk to Borders, and straight to LBD section. i bought Saris and the City and Hysterical Blondeness. yeah, my whole gang love reading LBD. we have a huge collection of LBD book, which we pass among us. saves money, right? well, dont blame us. Books are extremely pricy here in Malaysia! yet, the government still promoting us to read more. the first step of promoting that is to reduce the price of a book! ok, i'm blabbering! next!

I almost gonna enter Starbucks, then i remember one article i read from Yahoo News. The 9 Things They Don't Want Us To Know. it's all about food facts. one of it is coffee. one ice-blend coffee is equivalent to 6 scoop of ice-cream. OMG, such sinful drinks! So i went next door, S1. ordered Mocha. Sat there for practically one hour. read to page 61 then mom called. She's done! Finally!

Then we headed to Dior counter in Jusco to get lipstick. my mom loves Dior Addict. she always buy that particular item. she choose few color, then decided to buy shocking pink color. Next, went to Clinique to get my stuff. i want to wait for Christmas sale at first. but come to think of it, it's still a long way to go. So, as usual, i bought the 3-step item, turnaround serum and sunblock. the best part of it, mom paid for that. LOL. saves me from paying rm613. Thank you mom.

Zura, my mom's worker, invited us to her open house. so, we went straight after Qb. Ate rice with lamb there. kinda tasty but i have to watch my weight. i've already lost 14kg, i dont want to gain it back. Yes everyone, i lost 14kg in 3 months time. but i still have to loose 9kg. Good luck to me! lol. BTW, thanks Zura for inviting us.

it's been a while since i last went out with mom. i'm happy to see her happy. i always tell her to do whatever she please. we live only once!

p/s: today has been a tiring day. seriously. i'm so worn out. i'm still going out with Aiza later. she wants to get stuff for tomorrow's bbq. damn that budak kecik! ish! ok gotta get ready now. she's on her way!

Eid?

Everyone been talking bout Raya.

We're all excited to celebrate the 1st day of Eid.

Every muslim has been waiting for this moment.

After fasting for a long tiring month.

Preparation has been made.

We bought new clothes, in my case, baju kurung.

We bought new shoes, in my case, stiletto and heels.

We bought new house decoration, in my case, NONE.

We made kuih raya, in my case, ordered from my mom's friend.

We cook our traditional dishes such as lemang and rendang, in my case, NONE.

We service our car for Balik Kampung journey, in my case, NONE.

Usually on 1st Syawal,

we wake up early to go for prayers and seek forgiveness among family members.

we sit down and eat together as a big happy family.

we talk, have fun, joke around and just spend quality time with family.

we visit neighbours, aunts and uncles, friends, also other relatives.

we invite others to our open house, with an open heart.

Well, that is Eid in Malaysia at least.

that's typical celebration of Eid amongst the malays.

at least, that's what i see.

***************

How i envy such a family.

who's celebrating raya with such joy.

would you trust me if i tell you that i've never been there.

i mean, we've never really celebrate it properly.

sometimes, i felt like i'm the only one with the spirit of Raya.

i feels the joy of it, and i can't wait to celebrate it.

the saddest thing bout it is, i could only taste all that family tradition in someone's else house.

yes,

i'm not suppose to expose this.

it's humiliating to expose your family's weakness.

my parents has been such a darling all these years.

despite all that, i failed to see us as FAMILY.

i'm sorry, mama, abah.

for i've failed to see us as family.

where is our value as family?

or is it normal this way?

***************

Ya Allah,

jika kau terima amalanku sepanjang Ramadhan ini, kembalikan keluargaku.

jika kau nampak usahaku menyatukan keluarga ini, bantu lah aku.

Sesungguhnya aku sangat ingin melihat satu keluarga yang bersatu.

Aku lihat wajah mama ku,

aku nampak kesedihan.

aku lihat air muka abah ku,

aku nampak kekesalan.

aku lihat adik-adikku,

aku nampak ketidaksempurnaan.

Aku lihat diri sendiri,

aku nampak penyelesaian.

Apa perlu aku buat?

untuk baiki keadaan ini?

****************

Untuk semua kawan, pembaca, follower (sorry aku tatau follower in BM apa) dan anonymous;

mintak maaf kalau-kalau ada entry yang tak menyenangkan dalam blog ni.

mintak maaf kalau-kalau ada entry yang menyerupai kisah hidup korang.

mintak maaf kalau-kalau aku ada termaki, terkutuk dan apa saja.

mintak maaf kalau-kalau aku ego tak mahu list blog korang. itu prinsip.

***********************

My best best best friend in the world, Raja Nur Maryam, Atiqah Ayob, Siti NurHasnas;

I've known you girls for at least 9 years.

During those 9 years, sure there's flaws in me.

I'm sorry my dear friend,

for those words which might hurt,

for those attitude that might annoy,

for every sarcasm i made.

for every anger i've shown.

for every cat fight we've been.

for every silent treatment we've done.

for.......every single thing during those years we've been BEST FRIEND.

***************

For My Jack,

We're still learning on each other.

Therefore, there's always flaws.

Negative, positive, i've swallowed it all.

For I've forgive you in everything......

......and i hope you've done the same.

*******************

aku menulis,

demi kepuasan,

bukan untuk menyakitkan,

jauh sekali menyusahkan.

aku cuma seseorang yang mahu escapism.

maafkan aku untuk semua yang tersalah laku.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN

Truth,

Natasha Farhana Leow

Happy Father's Day

Tasha says, "Happy Father's Day abah. Besok abah blanja mkn ek?"

so here we are. in Friday's. lol.

as usual, we started with Chicken Fajita Nachos. lol. our family fav.

they ordered steak. i ordered fish n chip because i know i can never finish the steak platter! abah ordered chicken salad. lol .he's always on diet!

ok, enjoy the pic!

Our starter

Chicken Salad

My Fish n chip. cant even finish that!

Cajun Sirloin Steak. Nazrul finish em all!

Nasriq and mama ordered the same steak. so MUMMY's boy! bweekkk.

Nasriq and abah.

Nazrul and abah.

the prettiest of them all... hahaha... because i'm the only girl. so i'm the prettiest.

overall, today's lunch was amazing. feels like i got my family back. please pray that my family will be like this forever. i love them all.

Dear abah,

Despite whatever had happen in our family these few years, all the happiness and sorrow we've been through, the ups and downs, the argument, the silent treatment we gave to each other, i am still your girl. Happy Father's Day, abah. You're always in my heart.

your daughter,

tasha leow

Happy Belated birthday natasha.

Time: 11.40 p.m.

Venue: Home.

Mood: i dont know.

Endy,

it's been a while since we last talk. honestly, i miss you. i miss talking to you everyday. i dont know why i dont have the urge to type lately. was it the environment, or was it just me? there's million things i wanna share with you. it's just that, i dont know how to begin with.

i am 22 this year. i turn 22 last week. yes, last week was my birthday. hundreds of people wishes me happy birthday, without knowing that i was having a high fever. i had a throat infection and i'm still healing until today. hopefully, i'll be better tomorrow. i barely eat anything. is this a sign from god? saying that i dont behave well?

what do i achieve at this age? i didnt see anything great about me. i'm suppose to finish degree this year, but i dont even enroll in any course. i'm so lost in this life. lost track of time, lost track of life. sometimes i feel like i'm gasping, warping for help. i just didnt see 10 years from now. what am i gonna be? i want to be higher than this. i want to be that Tasha that i dream off. but how?

i think i've put too much expectation in myself. i thought that it was good. now, i could see that it's just ruining my life. i dont want something called whimsical in my storyline. i want success. i want A. i want number 1. i want THE BEST. that's something everyone would want in life. the question is, HOW? do you ever stop and think about this? how do we reach the highest level of society? how do we reach the highest level of a human being?

on my birthday, my mother send me a very meaningful birthday sms. she said, in life, we can never give up. she says, we cant quit. because quitting is just losing. i was wondering if she saw me falling apart? is it that obvious that i broke my heart into pieces and it was never patch? was it that obvious that i'm so frustrated with life that i just let it be? was it that obvious that i GAVE UP in my studies? was it?

Studies: GONE

Love: GONE

Family: GONE

Life: ????

how do i fill that question mark?

Happy 22nd Birthday Tasha. Just another year of being nobody.

i hate my life,

Tash

happy birthday

he's in Pangkor with his friend right now.

happy birthday.

i love you.

i'll always do.

Be Strong Aiza

Semalam, pukul 7 pagi, mak Aiza passed away.

Aiza, i'm always here for u.

to others, sorry aku lama tak online.

aku kat umah Aiza.

and i love it there.

her family is so loving and caring.

will update more.

ni pun aku nak pi umah dia.

Take care everyone.

bye.

Selamat Hari Raya

Endy,

nak makan rendang? lol... i'm eating it while typing this to you.

and to those fellow friends who's abroad, jgn risau, i tolong makan for u guys!

esp Tiqah! lol... Bangalore ada lemang tak hari ni?

Farah, Brisbane ada rendang tak??

for those yg kat UK, i know for those yg kat UK tu... byk student malaysia kat sana, so mmg ada jamuan raya kat malaysian hall kan? tp tak sesedap mcm kat malaysia!

and...

to my best best best friend in the world, cik yam....

....org gila pun balik cuti raya woi... ang keja pa! balik la penang! tak ingat umah ka?? satgi aku nak pi umah ang! makan mee kari bapak ang! wakaka....

to those who happen to be in Langkawi, please pegi visit pompuan ni kat Tanjung Rhu Resort, tgk dia idup ka tak lagi!

cik aiza, satgi ptg kalau aku rajin aku pi umah ang.

cik diana, dok tunggu renovation apa lagi. jom kluaq!

cik hasnas, TAK DAPAT DIKESAN.

cik qhasidah, dok gedik ajak aku kluaq, ni aku kat penang sekoq pun tak telefon!!!! cis! janji melayu sungguh!

cik Ain, ang jgn buat2 lupa kawan.

cik juwita, jom pi nari lagi? wakakaka...

Jabir, Amir, Hamzah, Ridz, MJ, Zee Shan, and bla bla bla (APIIT student that i cant recall everyone!) enjoy your Raya in Malaysia. it's a bless here during raya. lots of food!

****

ak ah... mmg kawan2 aku yg muslim tak ramai... berapa kerat ja.. harap kawan2 skolah ja la.. salah aku gak.. dulu juai mahai takmau kawan dgn melayu. cari budak2 Dalat saja... wakakkaak...

****

FELLOW BLOGGERS, SELAMAT HARI RAYA! JGN LUPA UPDATE BLOG OK! AKU SETENGAH MATI TUNGGU ANGPA SEMUA UPDATE BLOG! CISS!

****

last but not least, Selamat Hari Raya to B, dont worry i know u want kerisik ayam! i will buy for u ok! ish... tekak melayu plak! wakakaka... and... i miss u...

P/s: this is basically my raya card to everyone. lol.

pakai baju kurung pink hari ni,

Tasha