Isu kecik

Aku ada satu isu kecik.

Bila aku nak menstrual, aku akan teringin makan something.

Benda yang aku nak makan tak tetap.

Kadang-kadang KFC.

Kadang-kadang nasik lauk ikan keli bakar.

Kadang-kadang nak makan mushroom soup yg B masak. *ok i just miss his cooking, not him*

Kadang-kadang just a small piece of chocolate will do.

Bila aku nak menstrual, aku emosi.

Aku cepat sakit hati.

Aku cepat kecik hati.

Aku cepat naik angin (errr mmg aku baran pun, tp this is worst)

****

Berbalik pada isu kecik tu.

Aku pegi beli makanan yang aku nak tu.

Pegi beli dengan mama aku.

Masa beli, aku mention dekat dia, aku teringin.

Aku tanya dia, "nak tak? I beli 2".

Dia ckp, "taknak".

Balik rumah, aku terus naik atas.

Online, then aku tertido.

Pukul 4 pagi aku terbangun, lapar.

Memang kadang-kadang aku makan lewat macam ni.

Balik kerja aku slalu takde mood nak makan.

Aku turun bawah, macam biasa.

Found out that someone ate my food.

I'd bet a million dollar it's mama.

Because my abah don't eat that.

Neither does my brother.

Because he's fast asleep by then.

Ok, memang satu isu kecik.

Yer yer, korang akan ckp, dengan mama pun nak berkira ke?

But that's not the issue.

Aku nak menstrual.

Aku TERINGIN.

It's fucking 4 a.m. here.

Where can I buy that shit?

My feeling are mixed right now.

Sedih, frustrated, angry, cranky. cranky, cranky.

She tak faham kah malam tadi aku dah cakap, aku TERINGIN?

Or she purposely ignore the fact that I want that shit.

Aku dah tanya malam tadi, nak ke taknak?

At least leave for me some.

Seriously, i feel like knocking her door, and question her bout this.

But I fucking know that it's rude to fucking knock someone's door at 4 a.m.

The thing is, why should i care bout being rude while she dont even think of me?

Oh ya, maybe that's what i call civilization.

I still think bout others, while she doesn't seem to care!

Ok people, you may start.

Judge me.

Ramble to me.

Talk shit bout me. 

Yeah it's my mom.

But if she's my mom,

she should know better.

****

Aku ada satu isu kecik.

And it'll always be bout mom.

Where people will come to me,

and "advice" me to be a good daughter.

It's nothing, really.

Just, satu isu kecik.

For once, please don't judge me.

I'm just a menstrual woman who didn't get her stuff.

Maybe you won't understand.

Because you've got the most perfect mom in the world.

Trust me, 

My mom and I, go wayyyyy behind.

Today,

She really remind me of who I am with her.

Eight years ago.

Aku ada satu isu kecik.

And i'm gonna deal with it tomorrow morning.

Which I know, I'll get a denial answer.

Damn, klise gile!

PREDICTABLE.

So, baik takyah tanya.

Besok ajak my besties pegi makan.

And besok aku sure perang dingin.

I won't talk, THE WHOLE DAY.

Ok everyone, stop judging me.

The reason why I write it here,

is because I don't want to confront her.

It makes me relax, typing here.

So, stop being paranoid over me,

talking shit bout my mom.

I just need a one-stop-solution,

to talk crap and shits.

I'll be fine by tomorrow.

Aku ada isu kecik.

Hangpa semua toksah dok buat kalut sangat.

Komen biaq elok skit, takyah nasihat bagai.

Cuba komen simpati skit. 

Aku tak dapat apa aku nak.

TAKYAH komen cakap,

TAK BAIK cakap macam tu pasal mak.

Tu aku tau. Takyah habaq.

Thank you, for reading this session of therapy.

Maryam besok jom teman aku pi Sg. Ara!

Nak makannnnnnnn.

Tasha Leow