Stupid Mistake, darn im stupid!

ok... this is fucked up! i tried to edit my page and i accidentally deleted all of my page element! fuck! fuck! fuck! ok sorry for cursing! i'm just stressed up! i'll try to fix this as soon as possible!

Good News!

Time: 19.05
Venue: Arena Green, Bukit Jalil
Mood: Happy!
Condition: Sick! Fever!
Currently: Feeling relieved!

Dearest Endy,
Yeah, i finally got time to write to you! so, today is my last paper for this semester and for my entire life! no more studying. i'm gonna work my ass out after this. i have few good news for you today. first, i'm done with studies. second, today is my 3rd month anniversary with my dear Medo. third, i'm going back to Penang next week. fourth, Tiqah is coming this weekend for shopping. fifth, I GOT A GOOD JOB OFFER! Cool huh?

i dont, know maybe i was blessed today. everything seems to go smoothly. even my programming paper wasnt that hard as i expected. well, it was not the easy either. but still, i manage to finish 2 hours paper in less than an hour time. cool. after this i dont have to study anymore. i'm so fucking happy!!! we're starting holiday now. i have 1 month holiday! so happy!! cant wait to sleep and do nothing here!

well, as for Medo, happy 3rd month anniversary. i never thought of having a relationship after him but you changed my mind! either we realize it or not, we're already 3 months! i'm so surprise! time flies when i'm with you! my last semester ended with a blink of an eye! frankly speaking, i'm happy with you. i hope you feel the same too! i always pray that we'll be together. right now, when i think about it, i knew i felt special with you. not because you're my boyfriend, but because you're you. uniquely designed human being. i'm lucky to have you. someone who understand and listens. you never fail to care about me. yesterday night was a beautiful night for me because you pampers me a lot! you took care of me when i'm ill. baby, thanks for everything. yeah, we're just 3 months together, but, 3 months feels like forever when i'm with you. most important thing of all, i want you to know that i love you, even more than yesterday. this awesome feeling is growing stronger and stronger everyday. thanks for putting up the pieces of me. you made me perfect. you made me stronger than yesterday. the best part, you made me forget all of those undeniable sad memories. baby, i love you!

ok, to all penangites, i'm going back to penang next week.

CONTINUED ON:
00:49, Arena Green, Bukit Jalil!

Endy,
sorry bout yesterday! i was writing my blog and suddenly i fall asleep! ok, let me continue my blog ok?

-----------------------------------------

Time: 05.30 a.m.
Venue: Medo's place
Mood: Happy
Condition: a bit sleepy
Currently: reading people's blog!

Endy, ok, first of all, the entry that you were reading just now are written on 15th July 2008, but i dont know how i totally forget bout it and leave it there in the post box for half a month. im so sorry! i'm just so busy! ok, before i continue this blog, let me paste some interesting survey that i did.... this survey was found in eta and edy's blog... hehe...

THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:


1.tasha

2.tash

3.natasha



THREE THINGS YOU’VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:


1.reading blogs on malaysian politic

2.make tea for my baby :P

3.force my baby to finish up his assignment!



THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:


1.chill with friends

2.spoil yourself with stuff (gadget in my case!)

3.spend time with loved ones!



THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AS OF NOW:


1.I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

2.Ruang Rindu - Letto

3.Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5 (i'm addicted to Adam Levine!)



THREE THINGS YOU LOVE IN A GUY/GIRL:


1.Charisma

2.Pride and Ego

3.Just love the British accents he speak!



THREE PERSONS YOU MISS:


1.Mom!

2.Tiqah

3.Ary



THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:


1.Gadget (i'm getting Ipod and Iphone soon! Yay!)

2.Gift that are made sincerely from heart

3.ok, not to be greedy, but i'm in love with Tag Heuer! (or you can just buy me Esprit (model:ES20041261)



THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:


1.Pool!

2.surfing the net, esp blogging!

3.hanging out!!!



THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR NEXT VACATION:


1.Dubai! - i'm mesmerized by the development there!

2. Maldives! - just loved the beaches in maldives! crystal clear!

3.New Zealand! - you really gotta try the club there! love it!


THREE FAVORITE CARTOON/ANIME CHARACTERS:


1.Pink Panther

2.Butters - South Park (baby make me addicted to this!)

3.Brain - Pinky and The Brain


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE FAST FOOD:

*honestly, i dont prefer fast food!
1.Mac D

2.1901

3.one stall in Califon City, seriously can't recall!


THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:


1.worldwide drinks, COFFEE!!

2.the original homemade Chrysanthemum tea!

3.Iced Lemon Tea - seriously addictive!


THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR HANDBAG:


1.Estee Lauder Makeup - 2-way-cake and 1 pallete of lipcolour to touch up my face!

2.Dunhill Fine Cut Black(Davidoff is very hard to get!) + Stainless Steel Lighter!

3.My Beloved Renoma wallet!


THREE FAVORITE COLORS:


1.Red

2.Black

3.White


TOP THREE U LOVE SO MUCH:


1.Mom

2.Medo

3.two of my best friends!


ok, this is just a crap that i paste! haha... ok, where did i stop in the last entry?? i mean, the unfinished one? i cant talk much.. it's late now and i'm driving to PD later on... ok, a very quick update on me...

1. i got the job and i quit - because i hate the environment!
2. i met Tiqah that day with Medo, we had fun and she finally bought the formal attire to be worn on 5th August!
3. Tiqah is flying to Bangalore, India for her Medical studies - i'm gonna miss her!
4. I bought a sophisticated couple pendant for me and Medo for our 3rd anniversary - not to forget, the beautiful matching necklace! i love it!
5. I'm getting my car in 2 weeks time - buying Viva
6. I've got an interview next Monday!
7. I've got another job offer in Sunway.
8. I went to Pyramid with Sharon and Melita to watch X Files - kinda bored and Melita is flying back to Indonesia tomorrow!
9. I'm going to PD tomorrow - Suba's sister is flying back to U.S. soon, so she wanna spend some time with her BF in PD (i'm the driver!)
10. I went shopping with my mom the other day and bought about 20 tshirt and a pair of formal.
11. I'm waiting for Iphone!
12. I'm getting my Ipod soon!
13. My dad got promoted, he's now the Director of the company.
14. Medo is doing assignment now, he's gonna have holiday soon!
15. I might be going back to Penang!
16. Sharon found out that i might fail my Oracle paper - next week is the exam board meeting, they might add up marks for those who have 38 or 39 marks to make it 40

ok, i think that's all i can think of for now... i dont think i can elaborate more on all this matters for now... really tired and busy.. i quit my job yesterday and i'm happy i did! i have to go and i'm really sorry for abandoning you for so long! life is getting tougher and tougher these days!

p/s: I love you!

Busy,
Tasha

I'm Not Ready For Oracle Exam!

Time: 04:46 a.m.
Venue: IndahVilla Condo, Living room!
Mood: Panic!
Condition: Tired!
Currently: Studying Oracle 9i!

Endy,
yeah, i know i was supposed to study my Oracle right now. i'm so stress that i decided to come here and talk to you. i finally came back to my place here in Indah Villa. maybe what Medo said was right. i'm wasting my money paying for the rental. i dont even go back home. i'm always there at his place. anyway, we plan to move in together soon. so, i'm have to pack my stuff from now on. it's ok. i have until end of this month to move out. hehe. i'm so worried on my exam later in the afternoon. my paper is at 2.30p.m.

we're gonna be test both on practical and theory. 3 practical question and 3 theory question. phew... i have to answer 5 out of 6. each consist of 20 marks. so, obviously i'm gonna take all the 3 practical questions. so, let's say i got 50 marks for that practical part which gonna be converted into 25 marks, and assuming i got around 35 for my assignment which will total up to 60 marks altogether. so, i need to score at least 10 marks in theory part in order to get A. OMG! i'm so gonna panic later in exam hall.

well, not to blame god... but why must he give me dengue fever and asthma at the same time last week? i need my time to study! seriously... i'm gonna fail! i mean... fail to get A! maybe this is another test for me? phew... how many test should i get in a time, god? seriously, i'm stuck here with all the notes! you know me Endy. i need 3 days to memorize all of this 6 chapters! i tried my best to memorize everything. yes, i understand everything bout the DBMS, but i believe that i have to memorize in order to get A. this is Malaysia. they mark our paper the Malaysian way, which is word-by-word marking. damn it!

sharon is already sleeping in my room. she's having exam in the morning. i dont feel sleepy but i think i need to sleep for a while later because i'm scared that i'll be snoring in the exam hall later in the afternoon. after exam i'll be meeting my beloved Medo. we're going out to Pyramid. yeah, sounds funny huh? i'm excited to go to Pyramid. do you know how long i didnt step my foot in Pyramid?? i think about a month! i miss Starbucks! and it's been a long time since me and Medo went out for a date. we're always stuck at home. i'm busy and he's also busy. i think the last time we actually went out for a nice dinner is on my birthday and that is like a month and half.

i really cant wait to finish up that paper. then i wanna go back and get ready to go out. phew... it's a 3 hours paper! damn it! i'm gonna go crazy sitting inside there doing all those shit! i just wanna think about Pyramid! Yayyyy... tomorrow i'm gonna buy necklace! and i'm planning to buy one dress too! i found one dress in Pyramid the other day! so happy! i wanna wear that dress when i meet my parents this week! oh, did i mention that my parents is coming to KL this week? they're gonna help me buying my car. my mom also gonna buy me my ipod! been waiting for that for so long. when i think about all the reward that she's giving me, i felt better! i feel so pampered when my mom bought me stuff! haha... this is not good, Tasha! you're not suppose to spoil yourself! hahhaha... that ipod is actually my 20th birthday present. she doesnt have the chance to give it to me earlier since she's in Penang!

whatever it is... i'm more excited to meet my parents than anything else. they seems to be okay now. i couldnt be happier Endy. sometimes, i'm scared to live my life without them but i know i have to get used to it. i'm a big girl now. i cant be depending on my parents. i love them too much to burden them. i'm quitting studies because of them. so, i hope they'll work less after this. i dont want them to suffer because of my studies. they really got affected because of my studies. i knew i could keep that dream and find a good job for myself. i can do this, because i am Tasha. there's nothing easy in my life. Academy of Arts, you'll have to wait few more years for me to come! San Francissco, i'm gonna be there in few more years. just wait for me! i'm coming! i promise myself that i'll make it. i can disappoint anybody, but not myself. i love myself too much.

Endy,
next week, i'm officially not a student anymore. no more classes. no more MMPL. no more CLC. no more lecture. no more skipping class. no more assignment! no more exam. and most important thing of all, no more suffering face of my parents. they can take a break now. it's time for me to take care of myself and of them.i'm trying my best here to be happy with this stupid Diploma. i have to learn to be satisfied that my education stops here. sometimes, i feel angry to some student who have the opportunity to study, even in luxury and they're wasting it. guys, you're so lucky to be blessed. do you know how much i keen for a degree? do you know how much i wanted to continue my education? do you know how fancy is my dreams?

Endy,
everytime i think and talk about this, my tears started to drop. i dont know why. i'm weak Endy. i need you. only you understand me! i wish i could continue my degree next year. i will do anything to get that dreams! well, except for exchanging it with Medo or my family. never! this is my strength. i'll never survive without Mama, Papa and Medo. Mama, thanks for those beautiful word you gave me. Papa, thanks for all those advice. Medo, thanks for all the hugs and kisses and not to forget, thanks for wiping my tears and for being there when i needed you the most. i dont know why. since April 2007 til now, i'm always crying. why Endy? why? is this process of growing up? or it's just me being weak?

Medo,
you know that i love you and i will never leave you with any chances. i really need you in my life. i know you're always there for me. i know how much you care about me. i know that you're always worried about me. trust me honey, i can take care of myself, even though it's tough living my life in this world. i'm glad that god sent you for me. i was still in the process of healing when i met you once again this year. i'll always remember your word, "Believe in Destiny". i promise i'll be strong. i promise i'll always be there for you. i'm sorry for being such a bad girlfriend. i'm sorry for arguing with you, EVERYDAY. i'm sorry that i'm not as beautiful as other girls. i'm sorry with my peculiar attitude. i'm sorry that i'm not good enough for you. i just know one thing and i'm very sure of it. i love you and i wanna live my life with you.

Endy, i'll continue next time. i wanna get some rest. i dont feel like studying anymore. bye!

I'm not prepared for exam,
Tasha

Ending the semester soon!

Time: 6.37 a.m.
Venue: My Honey's home!
Mood: Dunno...
Condition: Extremely worn-out
Currently: Waiting for him to come back

Endy,
seriously, it's been a long time since i last write to you... i even forgot my blog format... i was thinking just now... was it "Mood" first or "Condition" first?? i'm so sorry Endy... i've been such a selfish friend... i've abandoned you. pardon me... i'm done with my Oracle assignment... just finished it... i'm finishing this 6th semester in just a week. my last paper is on 15th July and then i'm done! enough of studying. so, where did i last stop? ok... let me talk bout studies first. i'm seriously worried about my programming. i didnt do well in the test. i dunno why. i thought i'm well prepared. well, not to blame anyone, but i think it's due to my family problem. anyway, they seems to calm down now, at least for a while. let me have a peaceful exam mood.

next semester i'm going to do my internship and i'm left with few choices. well, now i know the importance of knowing lots of people. i got a few job offer through friends. they wanna recommend me to their boss/friends. i dunno. maybe i'll take it. or maybe i'll continue my degree. oppss... DEGREE?? another 2 years of hell? WTF? enough! i cant study anymore. not with all the pressure going on right now.. i prefer to work. speaking of work, i might be getting internship in Shah Alam. so, i talked to my parents about it and they say that i could get a car for that job. my dad suggested me to buy one small car and sell of that big + high maintenance car. so, i think that's quite a good idea since this stupid Malaysia is having the stupid fuel price hike. thanks to Pak Lah. you're so not gonna get my vote!

i'll be having Oracle exam on monday and i dont know either i'm ready or not. the lecturer sucks! i'm totally lost confidence in exam. i dont think i'm gonna score any A this semester. well, lets forget bout that. i dont give a damn anymore. i just wanna enjoy my holiday now. i'm going back to penang after 15th. i'm gonna meet my bestie there and have fun. my dear lucky Tiqah is flying to India soon. so, i wanna spend my time with her. i'm so gonna miss her. i already am. she's such a great friend. she gave me hopes when i needed it the most. she opens up doors to my darkest room. pheww... tasha, stop rambling!

i might go back to Sunway on Sunday. hurm... maybe i should rephrase my word. i HAVE to go back to Sunway this Sunday. i promise Sharon and Emi that we're gonna study together. but the thing is... i'm sick. seriously... i went to clinic yesterday. the doctor gave me few craps to eat. i dont even touch it. haha... i hate pills! and i think that doctor is illiterate! so... just let the fever goes by itself.

Endy,
i believe that you cant even imagine how busy i've been lately. i dont even go out lately. it's been a month i guess. i've been staying at home... CORRECTION.. Medo's home... i hope things will be better after i got my job. i wanna start working as soon as possible. just now i went to visit Mei Phing's blog and wowwww... she updated her blog with a dozen of entries.. this means i didnt read her blog for quite a period. damn... what happen to me? i hope i can coup with my life soon!

hurm.. i wanna sleep. i'm tired... i cant wait for him anymore... so sleepy! bye Endy.. i love you!

A Friend,
Tasha Leow

Most Precious Birhday Wishes!

Time: 20:22

Venue: Still in Medo’s place

Mood: Bored

Condition: Dunno…

Currently: Reminiscing life!

Endy,

I was supposed to sit here and do my assignment, but instead, I choose to come here and talk to you.. Medo, is sleeping, I guess he’s tired.. i opened my mail just now. I have one folder that keeps all the email that I wanna keep. I opened one email that I last open on 20^th May 2008. It says,

I may not be by your side…

Celebrating your birthday with you…

But I want you to know

That I’m thinking of you…

& wishing you

a wonderful

BIRTHDAY!

Well, do you realize that I didn’t post any blog on my 20^th birthday?? I was sad actually… not because of this email… but because all of my friend was not there just like before.. what happen to us?? I don’t expect much on them.. just a simple meet up and being crazy… anyway.. thanks to Medo, for being there, having nice dinner with me and not to forget, the gorgeous necklace and ring. Honey, I really don’t know when you bought that ring! You were with me all week! Well, this might be a little bit late, but THANKS a lot for those beautiful present…

Endy,
Frankly speaking, I was really down because my friend was not there with me… but I know they have responsibility… at least Tasha Renee, Soya and Raymond came to AC that Friday… the rest was busy with assignment and test.. well, I was cheered by that birthday email.. my intention of writing this blog today is to say thanks to the person. You make me feel that I’m not forgotten. Thanks for remembering my birthday, or at least putting it in your calendar or something. Your email was simple, but touchy. Again and again, you never failed to make me feel better. That’s one thing I love about you. I’m glad that I used to know you. Yeah, you changed, but, there’s some part that never change, your KINDNESS and CARE. You’re such a great person to know and believe that I’m proud to have you as a friend. I wanna tell you that you’ve touch my life and you’ve teach me precious lesson in life. Thanks once again, for everything you’ve done for me. It really meant a lot for me, Imran.

To Su Weng, Papa, Hairie, Emi, Dekkai, Choo Yen, Soya, Aunt Ain, thanks for the sms birthday wishes. To others that I can’t state here ( the list is too long!), thanks for the wishes too… and of course, thanks for the present!!!! I know this is a bit late post, but I really don’t have time for this blog nowadays. I’m so busy with life and studies. I’m trying my best to coup.

Endy,
Actually I wanna write more, but my friend is messaging me in MSN, asking for help. I need to help him ok. I GTG. Bye.

Thanks,

Natasha

(Only you call me with this name)

Some Survey I Did Just to Kill My Time

Time: 13:48
Venue: Medo's Place
Mood: Bluurrr
Condition: Ok!
Currently: Listening to Malay song!

Endy, this is just a quick survey i did... hehee... got it from a buletin posted in friendster by Wanie, my ex-schoolmate!

If you were really upset, who is the first guy you'd go to?
Medo :P

Who is the first girl you go to?
Maryam and Tqah!

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Like duh... i'm the most straight-forward you've ever met!

Do you prefer to take showers in the morning, or night?
Does it make a different? my time is upside down!

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
Yes i do! i know i affect their life coherently! haha...

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Part of it.. S.K. something2... haha...

Which year has been the best so far?
2003 is still in memory, 2007 is also in memory, but this year is the best year for now...

Last text message in your inbox?
Which phone? hehe... from Soya and Nick

Break someone's heart or have your heart broken?
my heart is still broken.. but someone is putting it back in pieces... thanks Medo!

Three feelings at the moment?
Happy, worried, whimsical!

Last movie you watched?
serious, couldn't recall!

Last song you sang out loud:
Usher - Love in the Club, and i'm still singing it loudly now!

What's your favorite number?
8

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
wow, this is the hardest thing in the world... i have a freaking long list! hurm.. maybe 1 tera of harddisk will do!

Who makes you happiest right now?
with no doubt, MEDO!

What's the last thing you thought about?
to skip my Video Production class!

Do you think a relationship can last 6 months without cheating?
Yes, cheating is not my kinda stuff...

What is one thing you question a lot?
LIFE!

Are you married?
theoretically NO!

What did you do last night?
things i do the best, WASTING TIME, surfing the net!

Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
for sure, sunset! i'm not even awake when the sun rise!

Are you happier single or in a relationship?
doesnt make any different to me! single or taken, i still rule my life!

Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly?
not only like, I LOVE HIM and i still do! but it's all cool... i'm deleting you outta my life!

Last person you said I love you to?
You know yourself :P

What are you doing tommorrow?
Programming and Video Production class + staying back for 3D assignment... sounds fun huh? WTF???

Do you think you'll be married in 10 year?
Hell no!!!

Why is your relationship status the way it is?
because i love him and we trust each other!

Who do you dislike currently?
oh, another long list! hehe...

Are you in a good mood?
hell yeah! hehe....

just me,
Tasha

Harga Minyak Naik(Fuel Price Hike)

Time: 18:55
Venue: Still in Medo's place
Mood: Angry?
Condition: A bit sick, period pain
Currently: listening and reading through complaints of our Rakyat

Endy,
i'm just dropping by to paste something that i got from my YM... well, i think i wanna share it with our dear malaysian... as everybody knows, the price of our fuel has risen from RM1.92 per liter to RM 2.70 per liter which is RM0.78 rise! all consumer are mad now... well, including me! electricity for home use charge increased to 18%. seriously, wtf is wrong with our government. i'm sure after this all the cab will take this chance to rise up the charges... man, i really wanna get out from Malaysia... we suffer a lot.. and yet, our government is not poor! i really want Dr. Mahathir back! ok, i dont want to talk much... if i were to complaint on this stupid fucked up country... opppss... i mean the system.... i will take like 100 years to finish complaining.... i really miss states now.. i wanna go back there!

-------------------------the thing that i wanna paste earlier, it's in Malay--------------------

Mari kita bandingkan harga minyak di negara pengeluar minyak lain.
Adakah Malaysia yang paling rendah?
UAE– RM1.19/litre
Eygpt– RM1.03/litre
Bahrain– RM0.87/litre
Qatar– RM0.68/litre
Kuwait– RM0.67/litre
Saudi Arabia– RM0.38/litre
Iran– RM0.35/litre
Nigeria– RM0.32/litre
Turkmenistan– RM0.25/litre
Venezuela– RM0.16/litre
MALAYSIA– RM2.70/litre

p/s: they also include one URL for us to visit. this is a petition online, collection signature for Pak Lah to step down. Go check it out people! I did sign anyway, even though i know the voice of the Rakyat is useless!

Petition to Get Malaysian Prime Minister to Step Down. "Vote of No Confidence in Parliament".

hatred,
Tasha

Family Crisis + Final Sem = Fucked up Tasha

Time: 1.56 a.m. (according to my phone)
Venue: Medo's place
Mood: Fucked up!
Condition: Worried
Currently: Thinking of my parents...

Endy,
again, i have to apologise from you... i know it's been a while since the last time i talk to you... and i have to apologise once again for being such a selfish friend... i'm only here when i'm having problem... Endy, i really need you now... i need all of my friend to be here beside me... i need Yam... i need Tiqah... My parents argue to the max nowadays... well, you know that i dont talk on family matters here. but right now... i just need to talk to you... i really do... my biggest problem now is i dont know who's lying... is it my dad who's having another girl, or is it my mom who's turning crazy? since last week, i've been listening to their complaint towards each other... my ears started to bleed by now... too much unsure things... yes.. i know everybody will ask me... why dont they sit down and talk??? the problem here is... my dad thinks that my mom is an idiot and my mom believe that my dad is a hot-tempered, egoistic guy (which is true). so... i dont know who to believe now... and i dont want to choose to believe any of them.. i'm not on anyone's side... i tell my mom, if u cant take it anymore, then just call it a break... there's no point living with someone that you couldnt respect anymore... i mean, that's for me.. me and her, we're totally a different person...

my mom called the girl that my dad were dating(that's what she said), and that girl complaints to his boss... so, my dad is getting the smash over there... he asked my mom and she refuse to admit that it's her... so just now when i was nicely trying to sleep, my dad forward to me a sms that he wrote to my mom, saying that he's gonna report to the police about the number that called that girl... my mom is worried right now... she asked me what to do... well, my solution is, to report that the number they used as lost... well, i dont know either this is a good way... for me, now both of them are having a very high ego conflict that will never be resolve if they dont sit down and talk as an adult...

well, as for my side... i'm so fucking stress right now... this is my final sem.. i keep telling them that fact over and over again... yes, i know they needed someone to help them out.. or at least someone to listen... but come on... do i need to talk on the phone like 1 hour for each of you EVERYDAY? this is so stressful... i'm supposed to pass up my 3D assignment on 4th June and i couldnt finish rendering the model(thanks to this fucked up slow laptop), so i decided to pass it up on Friday... which means, i'll lose 5 marks for late submission... i have no choice... i rather lost 5 marks than passing up a fucked up work... next week i'll be having my programming test... and i have to pass up the programming assignment by next week too... next two weeks is the deadline for my video assignment and i dont even start anything yet... i'm being busy thinking about this matter... well, i'm not trying to put the blame on them... and i'm not being lazy... it's just that, in my field(multimedia), we cant force ourself to do work... it's not easy to create a piece of art... i mean, how do you expect me to create an art when my heart is scattered everywhere??? whatever it is, i thank gods that the oracle assignment deadline is in July... but i still need to worry on my final project... the website...

Endy,
frankly speaking, i have too many things that i wanna talk to you... but i just dont have the time to sit and type everything... i'm worried bout my parents, A LOT! anyway, i hope things will get better for me... i know i'm not having the worst condition right here... but i just cant keep it to myself anymore Endy... my dreams on my photography world is gone... i'm trying to live my life with the fact that i'll never pursue my degree in photography anymore... and now, my parents is making another fuss... i'm depressed... i'm frustrated... i'm sad... i'm down... but, i know i will survive this... tasha survive anything... it's just matter of time...

Endy,
i'm having period pain right now... awfully painful... and my head started to get dizzy now... the wire cant take the load of problem that is inside i guess... my body started to get weak... my mood is pulling off... the only one that makes me smile is him... i know he's worried about me.. and i really thank god that i have him now... he really care bout me... he understand me, VERY WELL! Honey, thanks for being here with me... i do appreciate it.. and i'm sorry if i hurt you with my silentness... i just dont know what to answer when you asked me "are you ok?" you know i cant lie to you... so if i answer yes, means i'm lying and you'll know it straightaway, since you know me very well... and if i say no, means you'll be worried bout me... trust me, i'll be fine... i just need some space... to sit and think about all this shit... and also... most important thing of all, MY FUTURE!

Bye Endy!

i'm their daughter,
their one and only,
Natasha

Happy Birthday Tiqah!

Time: 8:48 a.m.
Venue: My Honey's place...
Mood: Happy..
Condition: Kinda tired and sleepy
Currently: Accompanying him studying...

Endy,
Morning dear... kinda weird huh to get a blog from Tasha early in the morning?? hehe... i dont even sleep yet... as usual... being an owl... How are you Endy?? i'm enjoying my holiday... this is one of the most miraculous holiday i've ever have... spending time doing nothing and counting days for my birthday this 20th May... i'm gonna be 20 this year... getting older... getting wiser... and of course... i'm happier than last year...

as the matter of fact, i'm really falling in love with him... he's great... i didnt regret risking my soul for him... i'm really happy... i felt appreciated when i'm with him... one best thing about him is i can talk to him... about anything... you name it... he always listen... even though we argue most of the time.. hehehe... i feel free whenever i'm with him...

phew... lets change the topic now... dont want to talk so much on him... i dont want to be addicted to him... well, today is my very best friend's birthday... Atiqah!!! i miss you babe! i'm sorry i cant be there on your birthday... i'm just having too much thing in my hand now... and my honey is having exam today... i have to support him... but dont worry babe... i've got your pressie with me... hehehe...

Tiqah,
trust me, you're one of my very best friend... you've done a lot for me... and i'll never forget that... nobody can ever take your place in my whole entire life... you hold a special place right here... i do miss you, a lot!! i wish i'm there in Penang... i'm sure if i'm there... you'll get one day leave from your boss!! we'll have so much fun!! whatever it is babe, HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY... may god bless you... my prayers will always be with you... frankly, i'll miss you when you leave to India for your medical studies... in fact, i'm already missing you now... whatever it is, you're a great friend... i can still remember those days... Cambridge Diploma class... Starbucks... FoodLoaf... our passion towards coffee and cakes... our madness towards penang food... phew... i miss it all... i cant imagine living 5 years without you here!! damn!! haha... wtf am i being emotional early in the morning??? i'm leaving to States too... New York!! wait for Tasha... she's coming with her DSLR!!! it's just the matter of time...

ok-ok... let me stop this crap... i wanna go now... i'll update you next time ok Endy!! i'm blurr today... dunno what to do on my birthday... but one thing for sure, i'll be having 4 birthday party this year.... Endy, i wanna go disturb my honey now... haha... pity him... been studying since yesterday night... bye Endy... hehehe...

happy,
Tasha

I'm Confused, I just dont understand!

Time: 1:07

Venue: His place

Mood: Dizzy

Condition: In pain

Currently: Waiting for someone..

Endy,

i finally finish up my assignment on the Video Production... phew... i didnt sleep the whole night and i manage to finish everything at 9 o'clock in the morning... after that, i sleep and sleep until 6 something... phew... what a nice thing to do!!! hehehehe... i'm still having 3D, VB and Implementation Project to do... both VB and IP will due after holiday... right now, i'm enjoying my holiday after the stupid fucked up semester.... i really hate this semester...

Endy,

do you know that you're the person i value the most?? you wanna know why?? because you listen.. because you understand... because you're just you... sometimes i really cant understand people... they can be ok at a time... and they can be uneasy at a time... well, all i can do is to wait for an answer... i'm not gonna ask anymore question... you know me right?? whenever i decide on something, that's it... i wont look back... for Nick, you should know this very well... we have to learn it the hard way now...

i'm so useless right now... i dont know what to do... i dont even know what to write to you Endy... but i just feel like talking to you... i miss you, dude! i miss those sweet lily you used to give me every single day... i miss you sweet voice.... advicing me on life... i miss everything we used to have... one thing i like about you is you're always open to me... by this... i dont feel useless... at least i know something... do i look like i dont deserve to know anything??? am i pampered??? i believe that i'm one of the person that people will turn to whenever they have obstacles in life... well, i dont expect much... i just wanna know what's wrong... hurm... should i post this blog later?? or should i keep it together with all the private blog i've write to you???

i'm so confused... i just dont understand... hurm... i better stop thinking of this...i dont want to have a sad face here, at my dearest's place... for now.. i just wanna spend the whole week with him... and then set back to college with a fresh mind... seriously.... i'm so sick of college... i really need a break... Endy, i'm really nto in the mood right now... Amir is chatting with me online... i wanna go talk to him... i'll continue next time ok??? i love you pal!

confused,

Tasha