2008

Once upon a time, in the year of 2007, 14th February 2008 to be exact, I had the best date of my life.

Today he is someone's husband and I am happy for him.

And yes, I still keep those things you gave me even though it hurts.

Because that's how much I love you, even though we're not meant to be together.

Cheers!

An Innocent Conversation I Had :)

Pi makan nasik kandaq sorang2 td kat market Bayan Baru. Pastu ralit menyembang dgn budak darjah 3. Mula2 aku ckp melayu, dia gagap2 nak jawab. Pastu dia tanya, "can you speak English? my melayu not very good." Dia tanya aku apa language peberet aku. Dia kata language peberet dia is English. Aku jawab "saya suka cakap bahasa melayu, because it's my mother tongue. we must always be proud of our culture". Sejam gak la aku sembang dgn dia.

Dia ckp dia nak jd putih cam aku. Baru pretty katanya. aku kata kat dia semua kaler pun lawa. kena appreciate diri kita. that's the best makeup ever! Pastu dia kata nanti besaq nak kaler rambut cam aku. Dia kata dia mai tegoq aku pun pasai aku blonde. Kahkahkah.

Dia cerita dia baru dpt 10A masa exam (gila budak zaman lani darjah 3 dah 10 exam paper). Dia kata cita-cita nak jadi seorang cikgu. nanti nak beli rumah besaq and keta besaq. nak bagi amma and appa dia duduk bilik bawah, pasai nanti depa tua tak larat nak naik tangga.

Hebat pemikiran anak kecil. Cukup lurus dan jujur. I would say, the most honest conversation i had in a very long time. It's very refreshing. Aku pesan kat dia, "no matter what you do in life, you must always hold strong to amma and appa, and you will be successful as ever". Not sure dia akan ingat atau tak, but i sure hope she will succeed in life <3 p="">

Buat Mama & Abah :)

Tiada apa yang lebih aku inginkan, melainkan melihat kami berlima seperti ketika itu. 
Tiada apa yang lebih aku inginkan, melainkan perjuangan sebuah cinta yang terbina selama 28 tahun diteruskan. 

Benarkah, tiada lagi rasa antara mereka? 

Abah,
Demi cinta,
Kau tinggalkan agama,
Kau tinggalkan keluarga,
Kau tinggalkan semuanya,
Untuk memperjuangkan apa yang kau rasa.

Mama,
Demi cinta,
Kau hidup derita,
Kau selalu kecewa,
Kau jadi seorang wira,
Juga untuk memperjuangkan apa yang kau rasa.

Sudah lupakah semua itu? Segala perit lelah membina satu kehidupan, ditentangi orang sekeliling, hanya kerana kita keluarga campuran.

Aku masih ingat. 
Orang cakap, "anak cina makan babi".
Orang cakap, "bapak kau cina bukit".
Orang cakap, "Natasha mesti jadi jalang nanti tak cukup didikan agama".

Alhamdulillah, 
Aku buktikan hasil anak cina bukit itu berilmu agama.
Abah buktikan dia mampu jadi lebih baik dari mereka.
Mama buktikan keluarga kami lebih bahagia dari mereka.

Jadi,
Apa silapnya?
Di mana silapnya?

Siapa aku untuk mempersoalkan?

Sebagai seorang anak, aku mendoakan yang terbaik buat kamu berdua. 

Mama, Abah, 28 years have got to mean something in your relationship. 
Think it over.

Tasha.

Hello everyone!

Hey Endy,

It's been a while since i'm here. I was browsing through my blogs. surprisingly, i have so much things that i've forgotten about. I even recall back how much i love him, just through 1 post. That's crazy! This blog have so much emotion and life in it. I really should never stop writing.

It's even awkward to write right now. i think i even lose the spark in writing. Will try my best.

Your forever and always,
Tash.

Happy Father's Day!

Mr. Khairul Leow,

When i was 3, you bring me around with your white-blue RXZ.
When i was 4, you gave me Puffin Classic books to read accompanied with a dictionary.
When i was 5, you taught me how to play chess.
When i was 6, you sent me to that ridiculous mandarin kindergarten.
When i was 7, you wait outside of the class just to make sure i'm alright.
When i was 8, you were called to school, because i got second place in class, but i play too much in school. They advice you to keep an eye on me.
When i was 14, i ran to school public phone just to call you and inform you that i got into Penang State MSSPP Chess tournament.
When i was 17, you sat there with all of my teacher, while i nervously make a speech, graduating my Diploma from Cambridge.
When i was 18, you sent me to Sunway University College, starting my new journey.
When i was 20, i got my first D in my life. You went to see my head of school and give him a piece of your mind, as i got 4As and 1D that semester.
When i was 21, I argued with mom because i don't want to go to the graduation ceremony. You help me by telling her graduation ceremony is full of boring shit.
When i was 23, i told you i wanna pursue my studies. You asked me just one question; how much do you need.... without any hesitation.

Right now, being 25, i still dont know how the hell am i suppose to repay you. Without the mold you gave me, it is impossible i would reach here today. You are the most awesome man i have ever known in my life. I still remember every single moment that we have, and i am proud to admit that i am still that little girl needing your guidance, forever. I love you Abah.

Happy Father's Day.

Your one and only daughter,
Tasha.

Bestfriend

It's been a while since i last talk to my forever ever bestfriend. I think she's been avoiding me. Well, i guess it is my mistake. I did say something harsh to her, and, i know my apology the other day wasn't enough. I dont know. But what i know now is, I MISS HER SO MUCH. I have so many things that i want to share with her. My happiness, my sadness, my gossips, my life, basically. Have i lost her? I dont know. I really hope that this is not the end of our friendship. It has been a great 8 years of friendship. I still remember each one of us vow to grow old together and not letting anything to go in between our friendship. I tried calling her few times. No answer at all. I posted on her facebook just now. I just hope she will reply it. Coz i just miss her. Really miss her. She's the best friend i ever have. The one who could understand me, even without me explaining things to her. She knows me best. -tasha-

Studying studying dying...

For some reason, the word studying have the word dying in it. lol. oh yes, i am a dedicated student now. yeah, laugh! oh yes, i know you're still laughing. 

Serious shit, i've changed. i'm seriously dedicating my life towards my studies. it's been a week i didnt even get out from my house. i moved in into my new home last friday, and the last time i went out is on saturday! it's been campus-home-campus-home journey for me. i gotta go out!! i dont know either i'm bad in time management or the workload just wont stop. checklist keep piling up and i feel like i'm drowning. 

I'm gonna have lunch with Teri and Jason tomorrow at Seoul Garden. i seriously need to make this happen. i gotta GO OUT! i need it for my sanity. i'm even planning to get stuck at home this weekend to finish up my magazine layout! arghhh i'm going insane. another 2 years of this craziness. 

to parents out there.....

whenever your child want to major in graphic design.... 

STOP THEM.

it's insane!

bye!

Tash

Long Distance Relationship...

...is the toughest shit ever.

oh yeah, trust me it's hard. randomly i google up some keywords and ended up on long distance relationship stuff. well, i spent hours reading the website and i think i'm gonna give it a shot with my man. I do love this man, and, i'm gonna make sure it works. At least, one day, i could look up to myself and say, "I've tried", if things doesn't go well. 

Here's some article that i think every couple out there (who's in long distance relationship) should know.

• How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
• Love Letter
• Long Distance Relationship Activities & Ideas
• 100 Questions
• Online Multiplayer Games for Long Distance Relationship

yeah, LAUGH and call me insane for googling this. Even i am laughing at myself right now. believe it or not, you want to click and read those article. 

AND YES,

YOU CAN THANK ME LATER!

Tash

Gamble?

Life is a gamble,
at least that's what i believe.

Love is always painful,
at least that's what i believe.

I've been hurt, been cheated, been abandoned & been fooled.
But i've never give up on love as i do believe that there's someone out there for me.

No matter how painful the process of looking for the right one,
I'll never ever give up as i believe that Life is a gamble.

I think I am making the right decision.
I think things will work out with the next one.

Even if it doesn't,
I'll learn a new level of pain,
I'll gain a brand new experience of life,
And I'll be much much wiser in choosing my path.

Sayang.

Sayang.
Satu perkataan yang sangat mendalam.


Fikir habis-habis sebelum sebut.
Analisis betul-betul hati dan perasaan.


Benda tu nyata atau sementara?


Jangan sakitkan hati orang.
Jangan bagi janji tak pasti pada orang.


Yang pasti,
Aku belum ready nak sayang sape2 pun.