Answer me.

Honestly,

I've been thinking bout this for a few weeks.

I don't know how to explain things. Let alone elaborating the feelings.

When you asked me, 

What are you thinking?

I don't know how to answer.

Because, i don't know how to tell you.

That you've change like 180 degrees.

Yes,

We're still together.

Yes,

We're in love.

But I miss those moment when we're so deeply into each other.

Why does it have to change?

If all relationship fade day by day, then how do we go through our life?

Relationship is suppose to grow taller day by day.

Or maybe it is not true love?

Answer me.

Tasha

I love...

I love...

to hold your hands.

I love...

to talk to you.

I love...

to argue with you.

I love...

to call you whenever i think of you.

I love...

to SMS you just to ask silly question.

I love...

to see you making cute faces.

I love...

it when you become a gentleman.

I love...

it when you know exactly what i like.

I love...

it when you talk bout your life for that day.

I love...

sharing food with you.

I love...

spending time with you, even we're doing nothing.

I love...

being by your side, even when you're busy doing assignment. 

I love...

YOU!

Tasha

Back to December

Pernah dengar lagu tu?


Back to December, by Taylor Swift.


That song brings me back to December.


To where i used to live.


To where i used to be extremely happy.


I wish, I could go back to December.

Yaasin

Sumpah, aku tenang lepas berkali-kali baca surah ni.

Sepanjang minggu stress.

Sepanjang minggu otak celaru sangat.

Fikirkan solution untuk setiap masalah yang ada.

Sampai aku lupa.

Lupa kewujudan Dia.

Pencipta yang satu.

Astagfirullah al-azim.

Tasha

Apa kena dgn aku ni?

Tasha,

Boleh tak dalam hidup ni jangan banyak fikir sangat?

Boleh tak cuba relax and enjoy life?

Apa kena dgn aku ni?

Benda yang dah perfect, lagi nak fikir macam-macam.

Aku perfectionist ke? 

Damn. Aku bukan perfectionist.

Orang selalu cakap,

Aku bertuah ada mak bapak orang senang.

Aku bertuah sentiasa ada "someone"caring dengan aku.

Aku bertuah ada kawan-kawan yang paling setia.

Aku bertuah hidup tak perlu fikir nak survive.

Orang tak nampak,

Mak bapak aku tak mewahkan aku.

That "someone" pun need a break from relationship kadang-kadang.

Kawan-kawan kesayangan aku semua stay jauh, especially Tiqah.

Yes, tak perlu fikir nak survive. Betul la sangat kan?

Aku rasa aku dah mula jadi manusia depressed macam dulu.

Damn lah. 

Aku taknak depressed.

Aku nak that Tasha yang happy.

Aku happy dengan "dia".

Sangat happy actually.

Tapi apa lagi yang aku cari?

Perfection?

I don't think so.

'coz no shit is perfect in this world.

Tapi, still, i miss that December.

Bulan yang sangat-sangat happy.

I was with my dear BFF and babes.

Then he came to Penang for a short vacation.

Things started to fall into places.

I start planning out for my new life.

*****

Right now,

I'm living that new life of mine.

It's been perfect.

Well, at least for me it is.

So what's wrong Tasha?

Stop thinking.

Boleh tak pegang prinsip hidup Alex?

Live for today, tomorrow is another story!

Tasha

Perplexed

Here we are.
Back to ground zero.


I wish, we could fall in love once again. 
Be as close as we used to be few months ago.


I try to figure out.
What exactly happen.
That we are so apart right now.


I think.
And think.
I rethink. 


Over and over again.
Just can't dig out the answer.


This is frustrating.
Because I love you more than anything.

*****

I know.
That we're fine.
We're very happy.
We suits each other well.


The thing is,
where is our flaw?
what is our problem?
why aren't we connecting?


I've always believe,
that in every relationship, 
there's always another step,
that will grow taller day-by-day.

****

Let me simplify.

I just miss you.

That "you" i used to know.

That "you" who talks to me 'bout everything.

Even a silly thing that happens surrounding him.

Like a lame auntie passing by wearing ridiculous blouse.

Where is that man?

Why aren't him here?

I'm just beside you, but i feel like we're apart.

I meet you everyday, but i still feel that you're not here.

We're in the same venue, but it feels so soulless. 

Whatever happens to that environment?

Tasha.

Angel

Angel,
I miss our beautiful moment.
I miss the person you used to be.
I miss that clumsy man i used to date.
I miss those cheeky smile on your face.


You rarely smile now.
You rarely talk now.
You rarely joke now.
You rarely need me now.


What's bothering you, my dear?


We used to just sit and talk our heart out.
We used to be those people who laugh a lot.
We used to send each other beautiful message.
We used to stare at each other, for hours.


What happen?
What went wrong?


Is it me?
Is it you?


Or is it just us being "apart"?
Or is this what relationship are?


They seems to torn in the middle of the bumpy road.
Leave us with a wounded heart and miserable feelings.


Can we fall in love once again?


Back to that December.


I miss all that.


I miss you.

Tasha

Jalang

WARNING: THIS IS A HATRED ENTRY. GET OUT IF YOU ARE THE FAIRY PRINCESS SEEKER.

Ok, aku taktau pasaipa la aku gatai sgt tangan pi search FB pompuan gila tu. kalau follower lama blog ni, hangpa tau la aku dok ckp pasai sapa. my no 1 enemy dalam hidup aku. satu jalang yg cukup aku benci for almost 7 years now. Taktau pasaipa, maybe sebab aku boring, or sebab aku dah rasa aku sgt best dari dia (selama ni mmg aku best dari dia pun), aku tiba2 rasa nak stalk FB dia. Puncanya, ada satu minah ni, email kat aku pic2 PANAS dia few years back. harini aku buat housekeeping email, terjumpa lak email lama tu. 

Yes, berdosa dendam lama2. tapi dia ni mmg jalang tahap sial nye. sumpah kalau aku jumpa dia skarang, aku takkan fikir 2 kali nak sepak terajang dia. malangnya, 7 tahun, dia langsung tak brani tunjuk muka! haram jadah nya betina. aku tgk profile dia. tgk pic dia (jgn tanya mcm mana aku boleh access private profile, i have my ways). WTF dia still LOSER! sumpah LOSER. betina yg konon2 nya kaya tahap perdana menteri, keturunan sempoi2, cantik & seksi, and typical modern woman  (tah celah mana modern) rupa2 nya skarang life dia sgt sucks. life aku better kot. walaupun aku kena work and study. 

BF yg 2-3 years back tu still BF dia. dress up still typical nak mati. konon2 vogue la tu. singlet MNG (yg sure beli time 70%), skinny jeans and necklace yg tak penah tukar2. OMG. have you ever heard of fashion? skarang aku tgk profile pic dia, still jalang yg sama. trying her best to have a cleavage. apa hang ingat boobs ang besar sgt ka? HAKTUIH!

Dia ni sgt wannabe tau. apa aku buat dulu, semua dia nak buat. apa aku beli semua dia nak beli. apakejadah ya minah ni????? skarang aku tgk dia sgt nak berbaik dgn geng2 aku plak. come on. cermin diri tu! ada ka patut dia ckp aku ni PENIPU? dia ckp family aku org susah, lagi susah dari dia. dia ckp family aku bukan mix, aku melayu tulen. haramjadah pa nya woi? sesusah2 family aku, I WENT TO A FUCKING PRIVATE COLLEGE. hang masuk local U ja kot!!!!!!! tu pun pakai PTPTN. kaya sgt kaaaa???????? 

Ni bodo, kalau aku ni melayu tulen, celah mana mai Tasha Leow! celah mana mai mata sepet? celah mana mai kulit putih? apa bangang sgt ang ni!!! and dengki tang mana bapak aku cina? anyway, what's the big deal of being mix anyway? aku tau la ang tak boleh blah..... always under my shadow kan????? you try to steal the limelight, yet you failed even to get close to my shadow. come on la. hang dgn aku, aku CANTIK lagi (yes aku prasan lawa dari jalang ni). 

hang nak tak aku print billboard besaq2 gambaq panas ang????? i think 20k is nothing for me, asalkan hati aku puas. tp aku ni bukan jenis jalang mcm ang, nak menyibuk hal org. ang nak buat dosa tu ang punya pasai laaa! bukan pinjam bf aku pun. oh ya, speaking of bf, ingat lagi tak dulu ang sukaaaaaaa sgt kutuk bf org. bf org ni buruk, bf org tu bodo, bf budak tu miskin, and yada yada yada. skarang apa dah jadi???? BF ang mcm malaun terencat ja aku tgk. come on laaa... wei pompuan, what goes around comes around, KAN???? euwww... tadak taste toi ang ni. desperate sgt ka????

***

tp hati aku puas. sah2 life aku better. skarang budak2 yg dulu tak ckp dgn aku pun dah back with me. ang ada pa? obviously your CLASS is way lower than mine. you life to serve people like me. ish.... rasa mcm nak terajang ang la. ang ada mana ar? mai sini sat. aku nak tendang juboq ang 10 kali! 

to my babes, i guess you girls know la kan, aku tgh maki hamun sapa ni. ish tatau pasaipa... tiba2 dendam aku naik balik pagi ni. 

sekian terima kasih kerana membaca sampai habis maki hamun aku. sekurang2 nya marah aku kurang. tadak la aku pi sodok juboq sapa2 pasni. makasihhhhhhhhh!

p/s: komen la apa angpa mau. janji jgn dok buat ustaz/ustazah tang ni, dok nasihat aku dendam tu tak elok, musuh tu tak baik, bla bla bla. SUMPAH aku delete ja!

I still hate you bitch,

Tasha Leow

Check list

I need to:


1 - make new glasses. my power increased. Grrr...
2 - get myself a new Vaio. mine is dead. R.I.P.
3 - get super comfy wedges or ballerina for classes.
4 - buy a big bag for classes. i forgot i just bought that fuchsia bag.
5 - make a new saving account. i'm done with CIMB. so longg........
6 - change my mobile number. i'm done with Maxis.
7 - buy flip flop.
8 - reload my touch N go. back to KL highways which is full of tolls.
9 - go to LKW to push on my application to go to 3rd year.
10 - get a new place. 
11 - order new contact lens. 

A Fresh Start!

Hi there everyone,

My apologize for the longest hiatus ever. 

i'm not busy, i'm not occupied with anything, nothing, TOTALLY nothing. 

What I've been doing lately then?

Well, I travel back and forth, tweaking my mind, thinking deep, WHAT'S NEXT?

Received a job offer from a company that i really want, REJECTED it.

Why? Because i still believe in that DEGREE i was waiting for.

*****

CHAPTER 23

Yes, I'm 23 this year. so, this is chapter 23 of my blog, and of my life. If you're a follower of this damn blog, you'll know what's first on my wishlist, a DEGREE. 

Tomorrow, I'm leaving Penang once again. Just like what i did 4 years ago. A young girl with big dreams, stepping into Sunway University, hoping to cope among the best of education. Did i get it? Yes. Did i enjoy my college life? Definitely, Yes. Did i excel in studies, Hell yeah! Graduated class of 2008, together with Ellyshia, Melita, Su Weng, Raymond and Vishminna. Yes, only us left. we started as 14 in the class. just us left. 

Gosh, how i miss Aaron and Azuan's lame joke. How i miss them floitering around with me in Subang. How i miss playing poker and pool with them. How i miss skipping class with them, and hanging out at Orange. How i miss competing in classes. how i miss being the most outstanding student in class. how i miss walking in the college and people looking at me as if i'm a freak. damn, i miss everything about college. i miss that title.

Tomorrow, 

Will be a new life for me. a brand new life. i will gasp every single breath i have, with courage and with all i had to bet, to that title, once again, STUDENT. This time, it's sweeter than ever. I am nobody's burden. I'm on my own. For bad or worst, it's on me now. My decision all the way. They don't know how much this mean for me. even if i have to really suffer this 2 years of education, i will go through it, with whatever is left with me.

I've pack my bags. Settle up my documents. Got myself a job. Enrolled in February intake. Applied for scholarships. I'm fully confident that i'm almost done right here. ALMOST. i just need a proper place to stay. so far, i'm staying kinda far from college. a friend's place. an old mate. Emi. remember her?

Besides all that,

Family are getting better. Mom got herself a new civic as a birthday present from dad. it shows that their relationship is getting better. well, i better keep praying for their happiness. they deserve each other, despites whatever shit that happens to our family. Our family business are also expanding. mom open a new branch of her shop. Dad got promoted as the CEO. brothers are all fine. 

I broke up with Jack. Why? I don't think i want to reveal it here. let me just say, he's a nice person, but he's not ambitious enough for me. he just wants to settle for average. you guys of all people knows it well that i'm not average. oh yes, i believe in myself. i am EXTRAORDINARY. 

The truth is, 

when i was with Jack, i suffered for the last few months of our relationship. Now, I'm with someone better. Someone who deserves me more than anyone else. someone that i failed to see at first. Someone, who started as a friend. For now, he wants to remains anonymous. he wants us to ride low. I respect that decision. so for now, my mouth is sealed. 

******

Everything is falling into places now. things seems to be better, or wonderful, may i say. i've come this far, and, i'm not looking back. for now, i have a new plan in life. my new plan in life is to live for today, and not to worry bout tomorrow. there's always a way out. don't worry too much, dont structure yourself too hard, dont pressure your soul too bad. you deserve to sit back and enjoy this life. trust me, things will fall into places, by itself. dont try to fix anything that is not broken. 

Right now,

can i finish this studies with honour? can i cope to work and support myself without my parents help? can i cope with studies? can i get used to the new environment? can i survive this new relationship with that special someone? will i actually be with him forever? will i be an ART DIRECTOR as i've always wish since i was a little girl? will i be as successful as my babes in future? will i sit in the same table as future doctor, future lawyer, future pharmaceutic, future accountant and future remizer in 5 years time? The answer is, NO. NO for, WHO THE HECK KNOWS? sit back and enjoy the ride god crafted for you. 

Dont worry too much.

I've made a wrong turn once or twice. 

This is my life.

Still standing, with pride,

Tasha Leow