Bad news

time: 11.43 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: scared?
currently: thinking, deeply.

Endy,
i receive a bad news today. a very bad one. my dad emailed me just now asking for my future plans. well, to be honest, i dont plan anything, at all. yesterday i started feeling excited bout starting a degree. yes, i finally made up my mind that i'm gonna sacrifice my photography studies. i have no choice. i have to move on. no more empty dreams! well, at least, that's what i called it. i check with TOA two days ago, and they do have degree to be done locally.

i was really glad bout it. for once, i could feel that i'm not gasping for air. of course, i wanted the best education for myself. so far, i can see only Raffles and TOA is competent in my course, i mean if i were to do locally. two days ago i could sleep properly, assuming that i will just continue my degree there. total tuition fee will be rm89,000. it's a lot, for a middle class family like us. i was thinking deeply. very very deeply. my mother persuade me to pursue my degree no matter what happen. after much consideration, i agreed.

with a global ecomony crisis, our business is not doing well. my father had informed me that the company had cut 15% of their salary. he asked me, what's my plan? well, as a daughter, what else can i do to makes him happy? i was waiting for him to reply my email. it took so long that i cant take the urge. i then called him. i told him, it's ok, i quit. i know, he sounded worried just now when he was talking to me. he sounded guilty. i was trying to sound cool. i bite my lips, so that i wont cry when i talk to him. i want to be strong. yes, he told me it's temporary. but how long is "temporary"? i dont want to burden him with my needs. i will just let it go. i need to think about my brother. he's gonna start his diploma soon.

i was shaking when i talk to my dad. because this is the biggest decision i've ever make in my life. a decision to sacrifice for my family. in order to see us standing tall together, i have to do this. i hold the phone with all my strength. my voice was flat. no tone. at least, i was not crying when i talk to him! i manage to control my emotion! i talk to him for 15 minutes, discussing on our plans. then, i said, i have no plan for now. let me just go with the flow. every plan seems to fail. yes, i take it. i chew it. i swallow it. the truth. the truth that i cant pursue my higher education. it's ok. i'm still fine with everything.

ok.... i admit it... i did cry a bit after i hang up.

next, i dial my mom's number. as usual, she's busy and she asked me to call her again. she sounded very cheerful. once i told her the decision, i could hear her voice change. it's like, i ruined her day. i'm sorry mama. i didnt mean to make you miserable. again, i talked in a flat tone. i dont even know what to say. she comfort me. she says, i'm still young. i dont have to worry. she asked me to hang on for 1 or 2 years.

while i'm typing this post, i'm also replying my dad's mail which keeps coming occasionally. i tried to call medo. i need him now. i need him badly. i need a big hug Endy. deep inside, there's a big wound. i need him to comfort me. his phone is off! i knew he's having class now. i told him not to go class this morning, because i dont feel good. now i know why i dont feel good. if i know this is gonna happen, i will totally stop him from going class just now! but i know i cant. at least he's having his chance to study his degree. i shouldnt disturb his studies. i'm sorry.

my dad apologize to me because he cant help it, but to stop my education. it's ok dad. it's ok. i can go through this. even now... i'm already checking out some jobs. i will get a decent job and settle down. yes, i cry like a little girl... but i'm stronger than i seems. dont worry. bye bye to degree. good bye to "student" title. throw it far far away.

Endy,
i need some time to be alone. i have to go ok? thanks for listening to me, my dear friend. how i wish you were here to hug me and comfort me. i know that's impossible. i need to cancel my appointment with Samah too. i promised him that i'm going to meet him for my drawings. the drawing is for my degree entry portfolio. guess i dont need it now. see you.

sad,
tash

a dozen of blue roses....

time: 9.05 p.m.
venue: home.
mood: exhausted! one whole day of walking!
currently: sort of made up her mind on college!

Endy,

today is another happy day in my life. i didnt expect... i really didnt expect that my one and only bought me flowers. i know he's not that kinda guy... actually i still feel like it's sort of wasting.. you know... flower's price can be so hike up sometimes! this post is just to show off my flowers! lol.... i didnt take it using camera coz eventually the charger is acting up! i need to get a new charger for it... so this is just a lame webcam picture... sorry! lol...

it doesnt really outstand here due to lack of color contrast and i'm too lazy to open photoshop!

ok endy, i gtg... i'll post more tomorrow... he bought me a watch and a bangle.. he makes his life easier by bringing me to choose the design i want.. errr.... is that called smart or lazy? hahahahaha... maybe he's just being precautios.... ok.. see you!

THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS!

i love those flowers,
tasha

Valentine's + 10 months celebration for us

time:2 in the morning.
venue: home.
mood: happy.
currently: scrutinizing into my new stuff.

Endy,
just wanna brief you on our simple hang out on V'day and 15th, which is today. well, as others, we just went out for dinner and chill for a while in Pyramid. then, we bought a few DVD and watch ed at home. i dont know bout others, but i have the idea that cinema is expensive. don't you think? they dont deserve that amount of money for that quality of audio!

ok... moving on... moving on...

we went to Tarbush for dinner, extremely heavy dinner. i ate Lamb cubes and i couldnt finish it. it's too much! then, i ordered cream caramel as dessert. lol... i can finish like 1o of this! i love cream caramel! medo ordered shis tawook (err... kinda forget the spelling) which is chicken. we came out from Tarbush, BLOATED! omg! i'm fat enough! February is an eating month for me!

seriously, we didnt do anything on that day... just wondering around til Pyramid close. what did he get me? nothing much... just a simple gift. but, its the thought that counts.

this is my gift.
it's a pebble.


but it's not the pebble you can find along the beach.


it's the one you can see with a chick!
(ok that girl is not me... i'm wayyy too fat to be her. hehhehe..)

this is my pebble. i like it. because i always wanted to buy a smaller MP3!


this is the back view. isn't it cute? lol...

as for today... we went to Pyramid to fix our PDA. the O2 is not working! shit! now i'm using my old lousy phone! i dont know. for some reason, even this phone, which used to work well, is having problem. whenever i receive any call, it will just cut off. any idea? err... since it's an old phone, i just dont bother much! my mom is getting me another one anyway.
err... why am i crapping? ok... we invited Maryam to join us today. she was so stress bout her SUPER-IDIOTIC-PATHETIC groupmates. so, as usual, we went for coffee. we sat there for hours, gossiping and chit-chatting on each other's life. i dont really have the mood to go out today, but staying at home is a big NO-NO for me. i dont like being stuck at home, especially on a special day. just a simple hang out will do. thanks to Medo for following me everywhere i go. he's like my shadow! hehehe... anyways, before i go...

happy 1oth months...

AND

happy valentine's

p/s: pics are not from me... taken randomly from Yahoo Image Search! take note!

truly yours,
tasha

Correct Way of Cooking Maggi a.k.a. Instant Noodles!

time:03.05 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: happy.
currently: chatting.

Endy,
i'm not here to type anything bout Valentine's Day. i will update on that later. now i just wanna share some information. my dad send this via email. lol...

For all who love eating Maggi

DO NOT IGNORE THIS ....... Especially those fond of Maggi......

'CORRECT WAY OF COOKING NOODLES'
The correct way to cook instant noodles without harming our bodies and health. `Normally, how we cook the instant noodles is to put the noodles into a pot with water, throw in the powder and let it cook for around 3 minutes and then it's ready to eat.

This is the WRONG method of cooking the instant noodles.

By doing this, when we actually boil the ingredients in the powder, normally with MSG, it will change the molecular structures of the MSG causing it to be toxic.

The other thing that you may or may not realize is that, the noodles are coated with wax and it will take around 4 to 5 days for the body to excrete the wax after you have taken the noodles.

CORRECT METHOD :

1. boil the noodles in a pot with water.
2. once the noodles is cooked, take out the noodles, and throw away the water which contains wax.
3. boil another pot of water till boiling and put the noodles into the hot boiling water and then shut the fire.
4. only at this stage when the fire is off, and while the water is very hot, put the ingredient with the powder into the water, to make noodle soup.
5. however, if you need dry noodles, take out the noodles and add the ingredient with the powder and toss it to get dry noodles.

Dietician's Note: If you buy plain hakka noodles which you make initially need to boil in water and discard the water. This will soften
the noodles but to prevent it from sticking we need to add a tbsp of oil and also the noodles are deep fried p art ially to make it crunchy and then dusted with flour to prevent it from sticking while boiling. Hence when you buy the noodles they are already made unhealthy and this is the type we use to make stir fry noodles and the regular maggi too is made the same way plus they add MSG/ ajinomoto and other chemical preservatives.

A large number of patient with the ages ranging from 18-24 years are ending up with pancreatitis either as a swelling or infection of the pancreas due to regular consumption of instant noodles.... If the frequency is more than 3 times a week, then it is very hazardous...

Please share this info and help save a life.

p/s: Maggi = instant noodles. in Malaysia Maggi brand is so famous til everyone start calling instant noodles as Maggi. hehe... including me!

just sharing,

Tasha

Happy Valentine's Day

time: 6.20 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: exhausted?
currently: just finish updating Medo's birthday celebration post.

Endy,
phew... am i doing a blog-post marathon? i just finish the birthday post and now i'm typing another post? well, i can't just leave you here without saying Happy Valentine's Day, can i?

i will update more later? hehe... an old friend suddenly came online and buzz me! gtg.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

p/s: dont ask how many roses i've got this year :P

truth,
tash

I'm Sick...

time: almost 5 a.m.
venue: hell...
mood: extremely down.
currently: sick, sick, sick and sick.

Endy,
where are you my dear friend? i need you. i need some strength. i need someone to pamper me. i'm in that uncomfortable zone once again. the zone where i'm sad, but, i dont feel like crying. the zone where my heart had become a stone. real hard and strong. i can feel it.

the feeling of being unwanted and alone. useless and cheap. i just wanted to live well. i just wanted to be happy. this is all i've got. if i'm really troubling, then let me go. i am a woman. a grown woman. no more a little girl who used to be crawling for anyone's reach. i can survive. i knew it.

gosh, i suddenly feel the urge to talk to Nick. why? why? is it because he understand me? i need a friend right now. Tiqah is not here. Maryam is not here. Nick is not here. it's just me and you, Endy. i need to make my decision wisely. do i be the selfish person, or do i sacrifice for others? i miss myself being selsfish. yes, i am a very selfish. i only think about myself. but.... if i dont think about myself, who else gonna think about me? come on, lets face it. where ever you are, only you can think of yourself. only you can take care of yourself. right isn't it?

i'm feeling like i wanna go for a walk. a long walk. a journey that only god will know. walk until my leg hurts. walk until my feet bleed. walk until my stomach feel hungry. yes, i miss that life. it's pathetic, but, atleast i'm carefree on things surrounding me. i need an escapade. when should i start walking Endy? i just want to vanish from people. i don't want them to find me anymore. i want to be alone. then, nobody can ever hurt me anymore.

Endy,
i'm having a very bad stomach ache now. i don't know why. is it always like this? whenever i'm depressed or something, my body seems to be weak and sick. i want to be healthy, but how? i've been sick for a week. fever and flu comes and go. i cough like all the time. when i cough, it's really painful. i don't know how many time did i puke this week. it's like, whatever i eat, will never get digested. it's all gone.

Endy,
i will talk to you soon. i promise. whatever i'm doing, i will tell you first. i love you, pal.

hurt,
tash

Birthday Celebration

time: exactly 4 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: happy.
currently: listening to Inside of You, again and again.

Endy,
ok, as promised, today i'm going to update on Medo's birthday. nothing much actually. just a simple celebration with just 5 of us, including him. i was feeling quite unpleasant actually. this is because lack of commitment from his friends, esp his best friend. i feel like i'm gonna smack every single one of them. they dont deserve the title friend. bull shit people!

birthday boy!

anyways, thanks a million to my very best friend, Maryam, Tasha, Suba and Sharon. you guys really save the day. thanks again and again. love you all a lot! we didnt really take picture on that day since it's really crowd and warm! yes, it's warm there even though it's air-conditioned! arghhh... well, let me reveal the truth... actually, we were all busy stuffing our mouth with seafood!

Maryam and Tasha, the QUEEN of camwhore!

yes, i took out my over-sized earring... to make me more comfortable stuffing my mouth!

trust me, there's another 3-4 plate of this peeled-prawn skin, just from Medo!

how much did he eat, exactly?

yes, we went for seafood steamboat in Sunway Mentari. oh yes... we ate a lot. i think i eat the less among us because i was still sick last Sunday. i finish up around 3-4 plate of food. the 3-4 plate is not a flat filling, but a mountain of food on it! oh shit, there goes my diet! hey tasha, you're fat enough! lol...

err... stack-up sauce art? lol...

well, the celebration was suppose to be surprise but i suspected that he knew. thanks to Sharon for calling me from time to time! hahahaha... it's ok. everything went well anyway! we eat and eat and eat till our stomach got bloated. shit. i was wearing a nice grey with pink flower dress on that day. i look even worse after eating due to the bloated stomach! i bought a new pair of shoes and the dress just for his birthday. i really hope he like it, and, he did! super happy!

just a picture of him and me.
please don't comment on me being fat now! i know it! lol..
oh ya.. that's the dress i was talking about.

after the long draggy dinner, he went down with Sharon to puff a few cigarette. we call up the waiter to clean the SUPER messed-up table and to bring out the cake. it was just a simple chocolate cake. i was planning to buy a blueberry cheese cake. since the decoration was too simple, i change my mind and choose chocolate cake instead. we waited for them to come up and i lighted the candles. he seems to be surprise with this one.

it's called mirror chocolate cake.
the droplet of choco on top actually reflects my face!

birthday boy with his cake!

well, people usually bring out the cake when the birthday boy arrives in the first place, isnt it? but i asked them to keep it, because i want him to think that it's just a normal dinner with friends. well, we sang the birthday song, bla bla bla... you know, the typical birthday stuff.. do i need to elaborate? lol... below pictures are just our ritual during birthdays... it shows that we're as close as siblings...

Suba and Medo

Maryam and Medo

Sharon and Medo

we ate the cake, and talk, talk, talk, talk and talk till the moment i brought up his birthday present. yes, another surprise for my birthday boy! i'm sure he didnt expect that to come. lol.. yes, i can see your face, so shocked and happy. i'm glad you like it!

i just manage to get this for him

i was looking for his pressie for few hours. dunno what to choose. he loves perfume, and i kinda hate it. i'm kinda allergic to the smell, i mean the strong one. testing the perfume one by one is actually not good for me, but, hell yeah, it's for him. eh.. dont get me wrong ok... i'm allergic to perfume, but i still own some! lol... i want people to feel pleasant while they stand beside me!

oppss... let me stop nagging before i run really out of the topic! lol... i dont know what to type anymore. basically, the dinner was simple, yet nice. all i know, he's happy that we all came. he was a bit disappointed when his friend chooses to do something else rather than being present in his birthday ceremony. i'm glad i made his day!

oh ya, before i go.... just wanted to share some "chicken fight" picture in the restaurant. the grill chicken are refilled every 15 minutes. because it's so nice....

they waited like 5 mins before the chicken is served

in less than 1 minute, the whole tray is done! SCOOPED by them!
yes, they scooped it using 2 plates, not using the thongs!

some other picture? NO NEED LAH!!! all of this picture was taken using Suba's little sony. my charger is spoiled! shit, need to buy another one! if i want to put more picture, means i need to download more from my email. too lazy to do that, because that smarttttyyyy Suba didnt zip the file. she actually upload it one by one? hurrmm... sometimes i wonder... an IT student can be so dumb sometimes! hahahahhaa... dont be mad dear! just joking! anyways, it's pain in the ass downloading it one by one! they dont teach this in your degree? hahahaha...

you're 21, i'm 20,
tasha

Happy Birthday Medo!

time: 12.50
venue: home
mood: blessed?
currently: just came back from Oldtown.

Endy,
This entry is specially dedicated to Medo. just wanna wish him Happy 21st Birthday! may god bless you in everything you do. i'm actually quite tired now. i went out with Sharon and Maryam today, then went yamcha with Suba in Puchong, then came back home to freshen up and head straight to BB. lastly, we went to Oldtown in Sunway Mentari for dessert/supper. i'm used up! need to take a break. MORE UPDATE TOMORROW, I PROMISE! bye!

tired,
Tasha

Why Tasha love novel?

time: 1.30 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: happy.
currently: listening to malay song. miss them a lot!

Endy,
I was reading a novel, a malay novel, when my friend buzz me in YM. he asked me what am i doing? i told him i'm reading novel. malay novel. then he condemn me in 2 ways. 1st, do i still know malay? 2nd, girls always like to read all those love nonsense love story. ok, since i know you're one of my reader, i purposely post this blog. and i want all the guys that girls love to read love story. well, at least that's what i thought.

so, let me answer the first question. just because i study in an international school and just because my boyfriend is not local, doesn't make me a person who forget her mother tongue completely. yes, i admitted, i'm not fluent with my hokkien and cantonese, but i still speak malay fluently. in fact, i met Maryam just now and we spoke purely Penang slang malay. so, please stop the "lupa diri" issue like FOREVER??? i'm just so sick of people nudging me with this kinda thing. dont blame we girls for choosing an outsider as our spouse. look deep into the mirror. what did you see?

ok, why we girls love to read novel? because we knew, we can never find such a perfect Mr. Romeo Montague (yes, i do read Shakespeare's play) in real life. oh well, lets face it. out of 1 million guy, maybe you can find one or two? you might think all those bullshit poems are not appropriable to be recite anymore. well, for me, and i believe, for all the girls that i know, a little bit of romance once in a while won't bite.

so, as i go through my journey in life, looking for Mr. Romeo Montague CLONE, i just found myself disappointed, because there's no such thing as Romeo Montague in real life. well, maybe there is and the girl who found them is very lucky. well, not that i'm not happy with what i have, but just once in a while, to be in fantasy, to have this Romeo in your fantasy, it's just beautiful. this is according to the writer's imagination, anyway.

i read lots of book and novel. educational, politics, fiction, non-fiction, digital photography, graphic, web design, programming, cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, arts! and anything that are related to my IT and ARTsy world! i dont know for others, but when i read non-fiction book, it gave me such fantasy. i found out that reading is much more satisfying than watching movies. why? because, in reading, there's no boundary of imagination, which makes you more creative. it makes you think out out out outtttt of the box. for example, Tiqah always say that she loves Harry Potter book rather than the movie. oh yes... it's way better. i saw a few movie/drama which is adapted from a novel, and yes, i'm disappointed, because i believe my imagination can do a better job.

so, i want anyone out there to stop saying that i'm soooo "euwwww" for reading such romantic novels. it's satisfying, trust me. ok, i think i'm gonna stop here, but before i stop, i want to share one anonymous quote taken from Carrie Kirana's Blog! so, for fans out there, continue reading, never never stop just because of a lame criticism.

You know you have read a good book when you turn the last page and feel as if you have lost a friend"-Anonymous.

truth,
tash

Curse of The Blackmoor Manor

time: 12:17 a.m.
venue: home.
mood: aggravate!
currently: playing nancy drew.

Endy,
i'm stuck again in the game. this is so suck! now i regret choosing the Senior Detective mode! i should've chosen an easier mode! damn it! i'm installing another series of nancy drew now. i have to stop playing that Blackmoor thingy for a while, or i'll turn crazy with all the puzzles and scary stuff! shit shit shit!

anyways, i finally bought a mouse for myself. i've never use mouse together with my vaio, but it looks like the only way to win time management game is by using mouse. else, i could dream bout it! lol... i'm feeling kinda sleepy too... should i sleep or should i just continue playing?

tired,
Tasha